wrapped in HIS grace..

forgotten

2011-06-23T00:54:00.002+08:00

okay, i guess i havent blogged in a while. the usual reasons, too busy, too lazy and when i have smth to blog abt i'm too tired. when i dun i feel like blogging but i dun really think there is a point since i think no body really reads my blog.

so, forgotten. not that i forgot my blog or anything- i still visit it from time to time to see who the hell visits. hahaha. okay. i know candice visits my blog. but i think only her. haha. i think cause she blog hops an i'm so honoured she still checks up on my blog. hahaha. but like if i dun blog i know ppl stop checking so its fine to post this? :D hahahahaha.

idk why, i never ever get to keep a best friend. i have had many best friends and many close friends. almost every year i realised my best friend changes. given now i dun go school cause its holidays, i dun have a consistent best friend. i could list them all out actually. some were even best friends at different points of time. not even the whole year.

i dont remember primary 4 and below but i can still say a few names-
before everything probably sean.
primary 4 and 5: janice, yi lian and lijun
primary 5 to 6: calysta and olivia
sec 1: sean, nick, yiren, dora, dawn
sec2: sean, nick, charis, wenliang, weijing, yizhen, xinyi
sec3: sean nick yizhen xinyi weijing juntian yuxiu
sec4: juntian yuxiu sean nick weijing
J1: jeannette ziyi prissy dora candice kerin
J2: jeannette ziyi

idk, i think mostly sean is my consistent friend who i can rely on. but then again we are both busy w our own lives. but he is there for me whenever i need him.

i know i have ziyi, but i sometimes i wished i had this consistent best friend w me all the while. like jeannette has this best friend from sec sch that she alw meets up and etc. i think last time i was alwthe person who organised outings and was the person who just asked occasionally "hey, whatcha up to recently?" but i just got tired along the way i guess. like i stopped trying. and none of my friends bothered to pick up the pieces i think. i alw felt i'm somehow the person that keeps trying. and when i get tired i kinda give up. so i guess now i have like many friends who know so much abt me. bits and pieces of me everywhere. and i loved every single person that i gave a bit of myself to.

but maybe thats why ppl dun really care for shit after a while. haha. most ppl i get close to alw tell me they feel safer w me around. like when they are gonna do smth big i'm the person to go to for safety net. idk why. somebody pls tell me why i let you feel safe?!

idk la, maybe i'm just ranting or maybe somehow in my happy jovial side there is this dark sad emo side that feels dejected and forgotten. i dun really understand how some of my friends can simply just leave me out. but i guess thats what i am, the touch and go friend and to them i'll alw be this friend that was there for them.

maybe it is good in a sense? i found what my use is on earth. one of my talents given by God is the fact that i give ppl support when they need it? but i still feel quite forgotten and rejected sometimes. like sometimes i will see smth on fb den click it den realised they forgot me, or just assumed i was busy or just didnt bother asking. den i'll be like "haiyo... again...." den i'll click the photo and comment "oh! hahaha. so funny! when was this!!!!"

:( but i shouldnt be complaining right, given i have ziyi <3
but even w a boyfriend i believe in having a balanced life w my outside friends and his friends. so i really dun appreciate having a life w just him alone. i mean i like it but i rather i had a balanced life w my friends right. AIYA. dunno la. maybe its just a phase. but i just know i feel kinda forgotten by my friends sometimes casue like i have experienced incidences when i'm right in front of them and they like never see me. that is just to my face whatthhell. den i still have to go like " HEYYY!!! :D" w a big fat smile. but like whatthehell.

AIYA. FORGET ME LA. AT LEAST I STILL GOT ZIYI.

but like i said b4, when i leave a peice of me w you, i hope you at least treat me w a bit of respect even if you forgot me and left me out. at least treat me like a normal human being not ignore my presence right. grahhh. whatever.

its been a long time!

2011-01-31T11:56:00.002+08:00

okay! ever since weiling's party my lovely blogging friends came over and told me my blog is dead! which is true! so.. i'm here to blog since i cant really use the excuse "i havent got the time" anymore. hahaha. and also since tv is showing stuff i have seen ALR! so i'm kinda bored until prissy comes over! hahahha :D

anyways! i just called my sec sch regarding the job vacancy again. NO VACANCY! grahhhh. i dun want to blame MCYS for this but it kinda is their fault. for those of you who knows whats going on recently for me is that i'm looking for a job lor. den i was praying for a job! like praying for a while! cause i dun wanna work just for money! but i want a job reallly soon! so it was either relirf teaching or this job- doing social media stuff in MCYS regarding presidents' challenge.

i got to know of this job through one of the girl's in girl's group, Hui Hui who works in MCYS and her colleague working on the presidents' challenge needed someone to do social media stuff cause he just left. so i actually had this offer from MCYS last last last wed i think. after i contacted with the MCYS person in charge of the department, it was like friday-ish? den by the next week they called me for a phone interview which went really well. den they called me and told methat i had a pretty good chance and they'll get back to me on monday.

den on monday, they called and said they needed two more days and they even told me that i stil had a very good chance and that try not to take the other job! den my friend who was working in the school wrote on my FB wall and ask me to call cause got vacancy! so it was very GRAHHHHHHHHH. but if i take the MCYS jod, i'll have more job experience la. but relief teaching slots come and goes so QUICKLY! SO HOW!

den wed they didnt call me. i was like omg, i should have just called the sec school. den thurs, Hui Hui called and told me they needed mopre time, cause all of a sudden got a lot of applicants i think (which i think is whatever) den they need more time. so i was like whatthehell. so by then it was fri and i went to the zoo so cannot call cause i dun have the number. so today i called the sch and they say no vacancy. LIKE SERIOUSLY, WHATTHEHELL.

SIGH. SUCKS IS MY LIFE.
anyway, at was weiling's birthday party! we had a sleepover and nicole came over too! hahahaha. eugene, peiyu, yiai, joel and ziyi slept over :D
YAY! ziyi :D YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY :D

anyway, so today i'm just like very sian cause i dun think MCYS is gonna call and there is no vacancy in sch and the relief teacher application thing on MOE hasnt been approved. i kinda wonder if it is EVER gonna be approved. and idk what to do know. i'm like a housewife now. everyday at home doing laundry. hahaha. oh wells

BUTBUT! the best thing abt this week it TML! TUES! TUES TUES TUES TUES! marks ONE YEAR! HUUZZAAAHHHHHH! :D YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY :D <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

A Rocket to the Moon

2010-11-28T15:57:00.002+08:00

MY NEW CRAZE:)
i love the song so much:) the lyrics are just SO SO SWEET.

A Rocket To The Moon - Like We Used To (Acoustic)

I could feel her breath as she's sleeping next to me
Sharing pillows and cold feet
She can feel my heart; fell asleep to its beat
Under blankets and warm sheets
If only I could be in that bed again
If only it were me instead of him

Does he watch your favorite movies?
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts?
When you've seen it a million times
Does he sing to all your music?
While you dance to purple rain
Does he do all these things?
Like I used to?

14 months and 7 days ago,
Oh I know you know how we felt about that night
Just your skin against the window
Oh we took it slow and we both know
It shoulda been me inside that car
It should have been me instead of him in the dark

Does he watch your favorite movies?
[- From :http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/a-rocket-to-the-moon-lyrics/like-we-used-to-lyrics.html -]
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts?
When you've seen it a million times
Does he sing to all your music?
While you dance to purple rain
Does he do all these things?
Like I used to?

I know that love happens all the time, love
(I'm a sucker for that feeling)
You're on my mind, love
(I always end up feeling cheated)
And that happens all the time, love
(Oh darling, I know I'm not needed)

Will he love you like I loved you?
Will he tell you everyday?
Will he make you feel like your invincible
With every word he'll say
Can you promise me that this was right?
Don't throw it all away
Can you do all these things?
Will you do all these things?
Like we used to

Oh like we used to

haha. anyway. ALEVELS ENDING TML:)
freeedommmmm! haha. so i just need to look for a job now. hahaha. wanna work.

btw, crying for 3 days STRAIGHT. IS NO JOKE. i'm so super tired now.
i want a rocket to the moon too:P

Waiting.....

2010-06-14T00:18:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I think I expect too much. But I guess I do that out of live. But shouldn't I be more accepting if it's out of love? Idk. This thoughts are frying my brain. Waiting. Have you ever sat there for a WHOLE day waiting for at least ONE msg? But hopes are dashed everytime. So I guess that leads me to keep thinking abt this. And leads to my frequent tossing and turning on the bed. I wish I didn't need to use my brain so much. It makes me really tired. So tired from waiting. So tired from thinking. So tired from worrying. So tired from trying not to think of it. So tired emotionally physicaly and doesn't really help me to study either. I hate myself.

While I understand there are many things that occur at the same time so cannot reply but it's torture! So naturally these thoughts will appear in my head. NOBODY'S FAULT. Mine at the most for being so overly sensitive abt the tiniest things. Which is absolutely STUPID. I am stupid to keep thinking abt it. Aiyar. Stupid dun wanna think abt it anymore. Will try not to but I doubt it.

Anyway, waiting for cool pics to be uploaded dun really feel like blogging.

Sometimes for no rhyme or reason I just need you; I guess that's why I hope so much. Too much until it turns into expectation. And that won't happen cause things u hope for doesn't usually come true. well, sometimes I just need you. For nothing. Nothing at all.

i hate mugging

2010-06-05T17:17:00.002+08:00

i hate mugging i really really HATE mugging. i'm so tired from mugging. sometimes there is so much to mug until idk HOW to start WHERE to start and WHAT to start w. got so many subjects it is just KILLING ME. omggggggggggggggg.

anyway, recently a lot fo things happened to me. like i fell, got terrible terrible cuts on my heels that makes it super difficult for me to walk, i'm like limping everwhere, go sleep also pain, dun dare to put my foot down properly on the bed. :(
but ahhh welllll! i hope i'll be fine by tml, cause tml cell grp day going ZOOOOO :D <3! and i have RED NAILS NOWWW :D <3! haha. and METALLIC PURPLE TOES. hahaha. thanks to0 CHANWEILING. haha. i've been spending a lot of time w her these days, cause i'm home most of the time studying. hahaha. and been listening to 98.7fm more often again. like everytime when i'm studying i cant really stand listening to the same few songs in my touch anymore, like sometimes i need something random. hahaha. and like also this week i've been so happy and so sad too, not to mention worried. and also tired and not to mention DRAINED. like totally, pulled apart and as if like everyone keeps expecting so much out of me. SIGH. and like i think honesty really either breaks or brings people closer right? i mean like, if its not meant to be, den honesty will simply break people apart, cause as corny as it sounds, the truth will definitely hurt. and it'll make or break relationships. lily dao shi told me this: tell the person in a nice and wisdom, out of love, not condemning:) choose right timing, right place, right person to tell :) the kep point is to pray first, may holy spirit tell when is the right time to let the person know, and put words of wisdom into your mouth. and be prepared to face the consequences with the person :) i'm glad i did and i'm glad the outcome was alright :)

anyways, imissyou!
another song i've fallen for :)

We'll Be a Dream - We The Kings ft. Demi Lovato
Do you remember the nights we
Stayed up just laughing.
Smiling for hours at anything
Remember the nights we
drove around crazy in love

When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Likes its all we have
To hold onto and we'll be a dream

Do you remember the nights we
made our way dreaming
Hoping of being someone big,
we were so young then,
we were to crazy in love

When the lights go out
we'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Likes its all we have to hold on to
An we'll be a dream

(whoaaa ooooooooh)

When the lights out
(when the lights go out)
We'll be safe and sound.
(We'll be safe and sound)
Well take control of the world
Like its all we have to hold on to
And we'll be
(And we'll be)

And when the light go out.
(and when the light go out)
We'll be safe and sound,
we'll take control of the world
Like its all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SNACKS AT HOME?!?!

2010-06-02T12:26:00.002+08:00

yes, why. why is there so much snacks! i'm so fat fat fat nowww! :(
anyway, must mug very hard mannnsss. but cant seem to sit still. hahahahaha. shall try my bestest. please pray for me:(
to be able to concentrate and do QT and study and stop eating so much. hahahahaha.

MY NEW FOUND FAVOURITE SONG:) thanks to CHANWEILING:D <3!

Kissin' You - Miranda Cosgrove
Sparks fly, it's like electricity
I might die when I forget how to breathe
You get closer and there is no where in this world I'd rather be
Time stops like everything around me is frozen
And nothing matters but these
Few moments when you open my mind to things I've never seen

'Cause when I'm kissin' u my senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece I've been trying to find
Falls right into place, you're all that it takes
My doubts fade away when I'm kissin' u
When I'm kissin' u it all starts making sense
And all the questions I've been asking in my head
Like are you the one, should I really trust
Crystal clear it becomes when I'm kissin' u

Past loves, they never got really far
Walls of picture I've got in my heart
And I promised I wouldn't do this
Till I knew it was right for me
But no one, no guy that I met before
Could make me feel so right and secure
And have you noticed I lose my focus
And the world around me disappears

'Cause when I'm kissin' u my senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece I've been trying to find
Falls right into place, you're all that it takes
My doubts fade away when I'm kissin' u
When I'm kissin' u it all starts making sense
And all the questions I've been asking in my head
Like are you the one, should I really trust
Crystal clear it becomes when I'm kissin' u

I've never felt nothing like this
You're making me open up
No point even trying to fight this
It kinda' feels like it's love

'Cause when I'm kissin' u my senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece I've been trying to find
Falls right into place, you're all that it takes
My doubts fade away when I'm kissin' u
When I'm kissin' u it all starts making sense
And all the questions I've been asking in my head
Like are you the one, should I really trust
Crystal clear it becomes when I'm kissin' u

you belong with me :)

2010-05-23T17:41:00.004+08:00

You Belong To Me - Jason Wade(from lifehouse; for the soundtrack of shrek)
see the pyramids around the Nile
watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
just remember darling all the while -
you belong to me

see the marketplace in old Angier
send me photographs and souvenirs
just remember when a dream appears -
you belong to me

and I'll be so alone without you
maybe you'll be lonesome too

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it's wet with rain
just remember till you're home again -
you belong to me

oh I'll be so alone without you
maybe you'll be lonesome too

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it's wet with rain
just remember till you're home again -
you belong to me

its such a great song :)
anw, exmas are in less than a week, feel prepared but i know i wont really do as well as i want to so i just hope i might do well somehow.

so much stress and food = FAT FAT HUILUN.

anyways, shall end off with smth i learnt:)
relationships breeds problems and if you aren't willing to work hard for any relationship, it'll simply fail.

i'm glad mine won't :)

i found some really cute pictures online:)

Bloggggged!:D

2010-05-08T09:19:00.002+08:00

Ever wondered why some people do certain stuff that is totally insensitive? Sigh. I kinda saw this coming but I didn't really look into it or talked abt it cause I guess I assumed it was known to the rest of you. But I guess not. I KNOW I'm so far the only person that knows this this type of person but didn't know it'll affect others this way. In a way you can say I'm used to her deciding and everything after so many years. But I guess it might be time to settle some stuff?

Anyways, I haven't been able to blog in like a long long time cause I've been trying to find one for myself to rest when I'm not studying or in school. I'm so tired man. Tired mentally, physically.
But I'm not tired emotionally:D

and like I rarely get to use the computer anyway. I'm only blogging now cause papa bought itouch for me. So now I've got easy Internet access!:)
mid years are coming and I am so nervous!! Dunno how I'll fare! And I'm gonna be stepping down from choir soon!:( so sad but glad. WHY IS LIFE MOVING SO FAST!!!

Next year I've got o take driving find a part time job earn my own money and give tuition? Hahahahah. Oh mee oh myyy:(
anyways, God has been too good to me, giving me the friends I need and the right people around me to support and help me through this half of the year. Thank God for all his mercy and grace !!!
And like my prayers were Ans regarding a certain friend of mine!! Perhaps this will be the turning point for him!!

LASTLY!! I'm so glad to say it has been 3months now! Hahah. By June, it'll be one year since I met someone who changed my life:) hahahah:D and although we really dun get to see each other like regular people do, this has never bee. So blessed and awesome! Thank you God! For everything! :D

cheer up boy:( you sad make me sad. Your happiness is mine too:(

:)

2010-02-28T21:40:00.002+08:00

oh mys its been ONE month. haha :D
thanks for EVERYTHING. feels like dunno how long cause of everything thats happened and all we've been through. hahaha. :)

anyways; i'm procrastinating now. supposed to do gp research. damn sian la. could've been studying smth- more effective lurh. but need this for like essays for ct:(

btw, yes ct is comming and i'm totally panicking and not prepared. LORD HELP ME.
and like sigh. and sigh, sigh sigh sigh sigh.

okay. must focus! i've got mental tenacity:)
J1s all the best man :) one week w/o us. how i wish ALL of us could go to prague tgt.
:(

anyhoooos! i can do loads of things cause choir, choir, study study, not enough sleep, travel travel(on the bus arh). :(
and like i lost my most fav pouch in the world otw to choir on sat:( sad sad sad la! i became the saddest person in the world that day. wanted to cry so badly when i realised it was gone. my heart still has that quenching feeling when i think abt how careless i was :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
if i could give that kind of sad face i would :(((((((((((
so sorry i lost it:((((((((((((((((((( GRAHHHHHHHHHHHH. i hated myself so much when i realised how careless i was la.

anyways, long bus rides are nice <3

busybusybusy-SICK :(

2010-02-19T19:46:00.004+08:00

only how many more days till common tests and how many more days till competition :(

things are getting stressful, taxing and tiring. :(

BUT I WILL NOT BACK DOWN! NOT NOW! :)

CHOIR, we can do this! we can endure all the shit like preparing for SYF and go praque enjoy ourselves and know we did our best!

sigh, now its just whether or not our bodies allow us to :(

for eg, me, ivan, bridget are like SICK :(

and we hold impt parts to sing. sigh.

my dear section, as much as i love you guys u cannot rely on me. :(

and also, like i dun really wanna say who or whatever.

like stop complaining infront OR behind my back. like hello?!?

like this is like part and partial of life. u think its too much for u?

look around you?

who else is there to step up?

who else is there to do it?

dun complain, we are not supposed to be complaining.

God gave us too much, so much blessings that even bad things that happen to us are for the better.

what else can u do? bible says to spread the gospel- can you do that?

even if u can, u dont even know if God will call you to do mission.

he gave us gifts, gifts that allow us to serve.

and u people complain.

if it is so unhappy for u so tiring for you that u have to put on a facade to serve then don't.

i rather you serve with a willing heart, and you know clearly WHY you are serving.

how far are YOU from Jerusalem?

if u serve with a heavy heart, i rather u DON'T SERVE.

but i cant ask u to stop, because as much as i want to, we cant.

we need as much help as we can get.

oh wells, sigh. i was reading the bible the other day:

and the parable of the sower spoke to me somehow:)

¹¹He replied, "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. ¹²Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. ¹³This is why I speak to them in parables:
"Though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or understand. ¹⁴In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:
" 'You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.
¹⁵For this people's heart has become calloused;
they hardly hear with their ears,
and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them. ¹⁶But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. ¹⁷For I tell you the truth, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.
¹⁸"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: ¹⁹When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. ²⁰The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. ²¹But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away.²²The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. ²³But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

truly, i think many of us are not rooted. sigh. and we cant do much but pray. pray that their hearts be open, their ears and eyes be opened.

on sunday the sermon was also what made me realized maybe this has been a rather pressing issue. but how? what to do? sigh. only pray- but i did speak to mushi abt it. but not in detail. we are all busy ppl :(

anyway:) i love my v-day gift:)

[♥ F&E]

busybusybusyy ://

2010-02-09T21:18:00.002+08:00

busybusybusy!
with less than idk few weeks to common tests, and few weeks till PRAGUE, i'm going under loads of stress. :(
prayer chains, i havent been doing properly, QT-half-hearted:( so disappointed at myself:(

anyways, he has been alright, except for the new phy lect that makes me go "???"
den the econs this term is like " ??????"

see i'm not joking! i put more "?" for econs. phy at least still can understand my econs lect arh is like "POOT"

i really stay awake for ALL the lects and still "???????" i'm going "?!?!?!?!?!?!" now that its getting more indepth. =.=

den arh, i dun even know if tml got econs test la. i'm not supposed to be using the computer but i am so lazy to move my study stuff and hw to my desk.
hahahahahahahaha.

anyways, i havent been blogging in a while i know :P
i wanted to so many times la.
lets just say to sum up; school has been hectic, church life too, church commitments are hard to cope but i love them any how. choir is everyday, and J1s are still auditioning, which is kinda =.=

so have to teach them all 7 songs in one week. PRESSURE LURHHH.
also dun wanna scare them off. this few weeks has been a roller coaster ride. super happy days, super sad days, crying days, pms-ing days, thankful days, grateful days, jealous days and disappointed days.

oh well :) life goes on with God guiding me :D

life given by God

2010-01-08T23:08:00.003+08:00

today i received very sad news, of a passign of a friend. :(
sigh. gary will always be remembered.
makes me think of life impact and all, like death is really unexpected, your whole life is really just in God's hands, just anydayor aytime anything could happen.

what do you want to leave behind in this world, what would you want to let your loved ones remember out of you. what can i do to let this world know "she was a living testimony for God" after i die. and also what would happen to the people i leave behind, argh like the 1520 camp. these thoughts that made me cry so badly during the titanic game:(

i cried so much thinking abt all these questions during the titanic game. would they move on? would they forget me. :// i dunno, i cant control that, i would rather they move on fast. haha. i dunno, like if i leave this world i honestly cant tell you how happy i would be, but den again, i dun think i have done enough as a christian. so not yet, well, not my choice to say right? God's. haha.

i thank God everyday that i'm an alien in this world mans.
btw, i have a new planner!
hehe.

my new addictions! :)
both 赞美之泉 songs!
the first one is 真實的悔改, it made me tear:(

second one is 你的爱, lily dao shi taught us this song during the camp :)

i thank God for all the little gifts and difficult trials he put me through:)
i thank God for all the hardships and pain he make me go through, cause honestly without this hardships, we will not know how to see the brighter side:)
&also, sadly i know i wont be able to spend more time w paperboy once school starts, but hey that means every moment will be more special aye? :)

i thank God everyday for you!:)

paperlove :)

2010-01-06T23:44:00.003+08:00

grace lee mei yan has got a huge influence. haha. on people. haha.

ANYHOO. new yr is here, that means NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONNSSS MANSSS.

i shall now at the spot think of TEN.
1. A levels! mug hard, focus, and surrender to God
2. choirchoirchoir- PRAGUE competition.
3. 1520 revival! -i'm praying for 1520 to cont keeping our spirits! lets not drop it shall we! :(
4. T20- my classmates:) may we all live in harmony for one more yr!
5. currently to buy a planner manss. the yr has begun and i havent bought one :(
6. :) (this is a secret! hahaha.)
7. cell grp: lets have bible study for real!
8. to not get angry as often- BE PATIENCE&OPTIMISTIC&TOLERANT
9. rely on God more and surrender more to God. - i think i've been taking much things into my own hands last yr :(
10. READ THE BIBLE & READ MORE CHRISTIAN BOOKS!! :D

okay, these are at the spot things. i doubt they will be acomplished.
there is just so many things i wanna do.
today after prayer mtg, papa and mummy assked me to start thinking abt what i wanna do after As. meaning uni.
and what if i dun do well and end up having to go poly. i think i'll go australia if thats the case. aiiyarr. i dun like to think abt this part of my future one leh, kanasai, cant believe i have to do this now. :(

anywayss...
choir has started to take a toll on me.
practices never ending, open house next den gear up for entry of J1s, teach them techniques, etc den chiong for march competition.

church camp ovuhh, but choir takes over my priority now. i havent really got time to take a break or rest :( really i havent

it was like choir concert, den church camp prep den church camp den praiseteam den now choir&praiseteam and school work. when sch reopens i'll be like everywhere.
soi really need to rely on God now.

meaning no time for paperboy:(
GRAHH.

anyway. i'm gonna be REAAALL busy&tired. so i need all the prayers i can get. and i need to surrender a lot to God.

plus, today at prayer mtg, i realised maybe last yr has really shown and and taught me i must learn to endure till the end!! the narrow path i want to enter!! and also to rely on God more! :(

God put me through so many things last yr so i can learn more and see the picture in a later part of my life.

oh wells. i miss us!

MERRY CHRISTMAS:)

2009-12-25T01:51:00.002+08:00

LUCKY BY JASON MRAZ & COLBIE CALLIAT! :)
super nice :)

haha. merry christmas everyone, this yr i wont send sms, i dun have enough. hahahaha.
fb la fb :) haha.
i'm so busy recently. no time to blog! :(

anyway, watched avatar 3d TODAY! haha.
with steve, jea, ian, keith & ziyi! hahaha.
nice movie :)

been so long since i watched a movie in a cinema with friends. haha.
this christmas doesnt feel so christmass-y after all. :(
i kinda miss being so busy with carolling every yr at orchard. cause everytime we do, have that christmassy feeling.

so many things in my headd :(
chool, church, choir, choir, camp, taiwan, school, church rally, rally rally, camp, camp camp.

i havent add hol hw.
and i havent really got time for family and friends now. so duh, i'll wanna spend more time w stupid guy. haha. but i can spend time with sillyboy and friends at the same time but i cant do that despite how much i want to cause some ppl just dun allow me to share my life with them. and that makes huilun sad:( hahahaha.

anywayyy, bah. i hope next yr christmas better la. who knows how much have changed since then.

packing for 1520 camp! gonna leave tml night to sleepover at church w weikeng and his friend. i'll be like the only girll! :( hello, sillyboy if u can come pei me a while come okay.

30th still got choir workshop siaaaaa. ://
i hope i still got my voice. need to prepare quite a lot of stuff. grahh. GOD HELP ME :)

this christmas rally this yr for eng serv was really good, i'm talking abt the sermon. somehow keep thinking maybe God telling something. of course God telling me smth la. but everybody interpret what the sermon says to them differently no matter how generic it may be. hahaha. i think thats one way God talks to us. :)

the rev was saying how wonderful God is! :) a warrior, a father. counsellor.
the content kinda ans quite a lot of questions in my head and slapped me a few times. haha.
like the part when she said abt seeking other's approval. grahh. i think i do that a loe. but those ppl mean a lot to me. not approval actually. more like sincerity or... i dunno honesty. and like when she talked abt we can never be good enough to deserve a present and that God gives us this gift because we should NOT get it. i mean like thats the main reason why i decided to live a life more grounded by God! :)

and know what, its very stupid stupid that i have to do things in the dark, afraid of what people might say. so stupid. okay,i'm stupid to allow it. gah. why am i so affected by them. sheesh. but i guess it takes one step at a time hurhur. dunno if its right or not, and if i say it feels right, some ppl will say dun only use feeling us brain also. okay lor, so u think i don't use my brian, don't think logically, don't consider factors or consequences har? puhh leesseee...
and if u are my friend you would know i won't mak that cause i prefer to share my lng, i won't do that cause i prefer to share my life with ppl i care and love. but if u don't let me to share! andand u treat me "normally" and still live daily with me as if u are "okay" with it, when i know u arent lurh. so it really breaks my heart cause if u are my friend or u think u know me you should know i would have considered loads of things and that i rather u ask me or whoever is involved to the face or at least send one brave soul to ask. communication is very impt in friendship and everything else. its really very painful to have to face those that i teat dearly to me when i know that they arent really being themselves cause of some thing. it just doesnt feel the same anymore.
yar everything is spinning so fast, i didnt stop to slow down. but why is everything so fast? yes, i obviously have a part to play also, but if i cant talk to my friends abt it anymore, who else can i go to. and obviously, i'll end up getting closer to that only person i can go to. so duh, thats one reason why everything is so fast.
and also right all that talk is making this awkward sometimes and making it look as if when we hang out tgt, we'll be some exclusive ting. gah. like real. if u know me, u'll know i dun like to be exclusive casue i am suppose to continue living life with my surroundings also and not just one person or whatever. well, bottom line i rather hurted by them.

okay, maybe i sound like a bimbo to you, but there's more to this than meets the eye
i'm gonna miss ya!
I SEE YOU!<3!

Prayer always comes first

2009-12-12T01:44:00.007+08:00

i shouldnt have.
this isn't supposed to happen.
this wasnt prayed for.
i shouldnt be facing this problem.

everything is supposed to be fine.
if only it was God willing.

i cant trust anyone of them anymore with things like this. acting like everything is fine will be difficult. but i will be able to do it. its crap when someone promises you everything will be fine and time will make everything better. its crap when someone says you don't need to go through some things alone. cause the hard truth is that they cant be there 24/7. and there are simply things which you can't tell anyone. there are simply thngs which u must face alone. like it or not.

i dreamt a nice dream last night, that everything was fine and i was happy.

fast- evrything was speeding. too fast and i forgot to pray.

"Oh, I'm going my own way,
my faith has lost its strength again"
-Demi Lovato, World of Chances

12 days!

2009-12-05T22:23:00.004+08:00

Matthew 24:12-13 (New Living Translation)
12 Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold. 13 But the one who endures to the end will be saved.

the other day when i did my qt i remembered that being angry is also a sin, so today onwards i'm going to tryyyy TRY to not get pissed off. haha. okay at least not tooo angry.

many things happened (for the worst) but in the big picture i guess its not that bad.
anyway,this verse popped into my head these few days.
no one ever said serving God was going to be easy.but i'm just mentally,emotionally drained and all.

but thank God for funnd-raising,i hope tml's 1hrP&Wwill be alright! :(

anyways!
12 days starts nowwww. :(

time flies

2009-11-25T19:59:00.002+08:00

it feels as if promo's have yet to start and we are all in that lt tgt getting ready for our first official combined practice with SJI. by tml, it'll be our last- at VCH instead. SO FAST. DIDNT KNOW I'LL MISS THEM SO MUCH JUST THINKING ABT IT.

it was fun while it lasted. they saw our crazy side, we saw theirs. haha.
a few scandals here and there(h____&b______) hahaha.
and tgt we got a terrible scolding and tgt we got praised and tgt we lunched and practiced.
WE'VE GOT MENTALTENACITY!

aww, it was fun. tml night we must really camwhore.
not to forget, my super tired legs. standing for so many days for so many hours! you haveno idea how great i felt everytime i sit down. whether it is the floor or the sofa. as long as i didnt have to use my legs, i was very very happy.

i havent got any pre-concert nerves apparently, just hope it'll last longer. :)

anyway, today went to the yellow pages building to buy some books from campus crusade sale :)
got a new devo book for next year and den went to papa's company to trial this new game
hahaha, it was actually quite fun :)

den got home, was abt to nap. but kept constantly thinking abt smth :)
so got off my ass and went to fb and blog! :) okay, i havent done this type of blogging in awhile. i'm always blogging abt angry or sad stuff. hahaha :P

ANYWAY. I NEED TODIET. LIKE REALLY! :(
I AM FATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFAT. :(

anyway, aside from that, today i feel as if my spiritual life is somehow backsliding again!
so sad. i need to do qt more often and stop it from going downdowndown! :(

i realised the more tired and busy i am the more it backslides cause i use my physical tiredness as an excuse. i must not do that! :(

just like a star:) i've been listening to it again!

"Like A Star"

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh...
Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands

time flies& i've never stopped thinking abt you :)

Do you?

2009-11-20T00:50:00.002+08:00

fond memories after i saw this while looking through my photos in fb. i told shiying to take a photo of it cause i loved what was on it.

taken from genting campsite in june when we went there for life impact.

indeed, living a life that can show you are a christian is impt! i hope through my living habits, my seriousness, my attitude towards evverything i do and say can show others how wonderful God is. :)

memories. arh.. sweet memories. i remember sitting under the stars with weijing, wishing this was reality and not just some camp. wishing that everything in life wasnt that complicated. oh wells. smilw i can. but not sincere enough i guess and only you are able to tell.

beneath that facade

2009-11-19T19:38:00.005+08:00

"Life's a box of chocolates, Forrest. You never know what you're gonna get."
watched forrest gump the other day! fell in love with it all over again! :)

esp the part when forrest sat in front of the tv with his son after meeting him for the first time. den they both cocked their heads to the side, at the same angel and direction! so touching. haha.

oh wells, things has been really. WOW. God just never seems to be resting in teaching me things. i just lost a friend, weiloon. i'm so upset. but glad that the end of his pain and suffering on Earth is gone! he battled leukemia for a year now and H1N1 must have taken a toil on him. :(

gonna miss him. but glad to know he is a christian! :) God bless his family that they may also come to know Christ (cause i dunno if they are christians too). weiloon always looked so happy, you'll never expect him to be feeling so much pain, when i think he is. teared at the funeral. :(

guess, you'll never know whats really behind that facade of his.

anyways! i want to blog abt two songs today!

firstly, its that "miss halfway" mood again. i dun exactly know what mood that is, but i always feel this song fits me best at this mood. haha. oh wells. i wanted to blog last night. but i couldnt.

somehow i think things arent really going well.

liyin told me: LUNLUN, you must believe in yourself!

today, a few people such as bridget, lionel, cat and clara all told me i looked tired today. i mean no reason not to. with fundraising around the corner, concert coming, and not to forget that thing i rather think about.

bridget even said i looked like i just cried finish! lol. i never had that look before. haha. i thought i looked very normal today actually. just tired.

i wish i had more confidence in myself and higher self-esteem like bridget. i never liked the way i am or behaved. but i cant control it.

i guess i'm in th mood for miss halfway casue its that time of the year when i feel like something is pulling me back. like someone is saying: "HEY! huilun is gonna be happy, quick! lets stop her!"

okay, call me crazy or someone who has watched a little too much drama. but it really feels that way, I'M NOT KIDDING.

the other song that's been on my mind, is stolen! :)

i really love this song. cause the guys voice is SO NICE :) MELT MELT :)

Miss Halfway
You oughta hear the mirror in my house
You oughta fear her pretty, pretty mouth
Says I’m imperfect in every way:
“Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”

All my friends in L.A. got jobs on Melrose Place
I play Replacements songs and sigh-- a Waitress In The Sky
You oughta hear the things I’ve been thinking
You oughta swim in a heart that is sinking
You try to break me with all the things you say:
“Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”
Tony makes 60 K, invests in IRA’s,
But I’m busy making paper airplanes out of resumes

But I’m gonna burn, I’m gonna shine and multiply
I’m gonna fill up the great divide
You’ll never break me with all the things you say
“Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”
I’m gonna burn a pie now and then
And I’m gonna say the wrong things to your friends
I’m gonna burn and shine and multiply
And when I do, you’re gonna see me in her eyes…

I’m gonna burn and shine and multiply
I’m gonna fill up the great divide
You’ll never break me with all the things you say
Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway
Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway
Miss Halfway, Miss Halfway, Miss Halfway …

Stolen - Dashboard Confessional
We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well

You have stolen
You have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

maybe i should have just said no, then we both wont be in this dilemma. yes, break it into two. but now it'll break into a million pieces. ain't that worst? its all my fault. never knew i would actually tear abt it. but i did! i kinda felt sad abt the whole issue. or rather guilty. cause i know its kinda because of me? nah, it is because of me. that things are so confusing.

:(

&yes liyin, i totally have no faith in myself. no faith that i'll be able to keep this for long. no faith that it'll last. but faith that the world will move on without me. i'm a drag ain't i.

well, i've decided if the world wants to move without me, i'll just live and accept it. sure it'll be lke totally grahh. but at least i'm being realistic am i?

i also realized they are quite hard to fall these days, but they still fell.

that flutter feeling :)

2009-11-15T18:24:00.003+08:00

CHURCH, SCHOOL, FAMILY.
simin told me to write down my commitments.
well, i have fund-raising, church camp, camp praise team(i havent started yet), school choir, church choir, housework (which i havent got time to do much recently :( ), sec4 classmates, J1 classmates, church mates.

well, its kinda scary now that i list only the surface of my commitments and not delve into the details in every single one of them.

simin was right, no time for any more commitments. anyway, it would make my mum upset. so i better don't rush into anything or stop saying "YES" or "OKAY" to everyone. hahaha.

bad habit? i have to learn to say "no" i guess.
hard, but i'll try my best! (doubt i'll succeed)

ANYWAY, choir concerts, all last minute den say. how to order tickets, just dun order la. =.=

-handinhand&that flutter feeling
never exactly experienced it, but now i have :)
its really not as you would expect it to be. its way better :)

the perfect gift

2009-11-12T08:29:00.003+08:00

James 1:17
17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

a verse uncle Chris shared during ytd's girl's group.
a really enriching and God blessed man. i really think he is a wonderful servant of God.

the only perfect gift is Jesus, the others are simply imperfect. so they are good.
so why are u people trying to create a "perfect gift" for me.
i know we shouldn't look for a "less than perfect gift" in this context.
but no one is perfectin this world except Jesus.
i know u people mean well, and no matter how much i love you guys, yur opinions still matter to me.

i'm not that silly to jump nto anything, thats why i saidd what i said towards the current situation.
okay, i'm also at fault in some ways. not some, maybe a lot.
but if you cant stop it den how?

to me, that was such a great gift, unexpected and totally nice.
this gift from God can at least do a few things you guys can't.

wanna know what is it?
1. put a smile on my face even when i'm upset
2. see through me.

i bet you guys can only manage to see partially through me.
maybe you can see totally througgh me. but i don't think u can put a smile on my face no matter what.

i'm not tired from allthe talk.
i'm just upset and disappointed.
tired will only come later.
nothing has begun and you guys are already tormenting me.
giving me so many second thoughts.
this sucks.

this world is a scary place

2009-11-09T23:11:00.003+08:00

iffys and maybes- and insecurities.
these things make me confuse. but also acts as my safety net i guess. make me be more cautious.
but then, thinking too much also has its disadvantages. like duh.

"talk on the phone also shout, come home u still shout"
"i where got shout? i'm not shouting"

i dun want to end up like that. i guess this makes me so scared and all. scared i'll end up with the wrong person. like they all said. scared i'll end up like that. i want a happy one, one that will last REAAAL long. till we're old and grey.

but i'm scared.
scared this might happen, what if that happens? what if this happens. i donn't know how i'l react. i don't even know my own reaction, and being the emotional me, won't be able to think straight. i'll only be able to do that if it happens before and i calm myself down. but i dunno if i'll get a second try.

and this fear, its eating me.
like i dunno. in a new place, new ppl- like how...
so what if...

all the ifs.
but i guess i will only know if i try. but i think the timespan spent tgt is so short.
everything is so fast.

i'm such a horrible person when it comes to this.

that aside, sunday i learnt so much,
i guess God was really telling me so much in one day.
hard lesson learnt.
thats what u get from praying: "dear lord, teach me a lesson if i go astray from what u want me to do!"
but it was a good lesson to learn from.

next, i think its good being sensitive to my surroundings?
but sometimes its kinda grahhh being so sensitive.
i can take in a criticism just make sure i'm not in that bad a mood.
i always try my best to be in a good mood to get myself ready to face criticism.
but like when i'm down down in the dunps, the criticism will hit me like a car on a highway.

and finally. new song from a horrible movie. its really nice.

Through The Trees - Low Shoulder
All alone in an empty room
nothing left but the memories of when I had my best frIend
I don't know how we ended up here
I don't know but it's never been so clear
We made a mistake, dear.
And I see the broken glass in front of me
I see your shadow hangIng over me
and your face, I can see...

Through the trees
I wIll find you;
I wIll heal the ruins left inside you
cuz I'm stIll here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathIng now...
untIl I'm set free.
Go quiet through the trees

I remember how we used to talk
about the places we would go when we were off
and all that we were gonna find.
And I remember our seeds grow
and how you cried when you saw
the first leaves show.
The love was pouring from your eyes.

So can you see
the branches hanging over me?
Can you see
the love you left inside of me?
in my face
can you see?

Through the trees
I will find you;
I will heal the ruins left inside you.
Cuz I'm still here breathing now
I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
until I'm set free.
Go quiet through the trees.

Cuz you're not coming back
And you're not coming back
No-oo.. No-oo.. No
You're not coming back...
You're not coming back...

Take my breath as your own
Take my eyes to guide you home

Cuz I'm still here breathing now...
I'ms till here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
And I'm still here...

Cuz I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
And I'm still here..

Cuz I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
And I'm still here..

But you're not coming back.
And you're not coming back.
Cuz you're not coming back
until I'm set free
Go quiet through the trees.

;;never expected anyone to see that side of me and you did & i'm glad you did.

mind-reader

2009-11-08T19:49:00.004+08:00

am i annoying to you?

i wish i could read minds. it might be painful. but i wish i could read some people's minds. den i'll know if i did smth to offend the other person, or i would know what exactly is the other person looking for. words are so hard to string together, cause with different words, there can be different meanings and some people depict it all in a weird way.

but maybe i can be annoying too. maybe i can be like some bee buzzing at you, just that u cant bear to tell me also. maybe i behave that way cause sometimes i need attention from others so that i won't think of all the terrible things in my life currently.

OHWELLS. wishful thinking. dun think any of that would happen.

anyways, chinese was bad to me, now OP and I&R, which totally sucks both due wed. den i need to rush and find days where my praiseteam ppl can meet tgt and prac for 1hr prase and worship which will be held on 6th dec instead. need to come up with 2 practices! den still need to org extra sectionals before choir starts. den need to get fund-raising stuff going. its happening in 2 more weeks. den need to check with hong lao shi some stuff she might want me to perf for. GRAHHGRAHHGRAHH.

should i learn to say no sometimes?

Uncertain Love - Horan :)

2009-10-29T20:33:00.004+08:00

after watching city hall...
uncertain love by horan is my fav song now!

YES. the last time i blogged was really quite recently and i wanted to blog more. but was being rushed. hahaha.

now with my very sore legs, heavy and dark eyebags and slightly empty stomach-
i am sitting in my uniform blogging!

just practiced this song i'm supposed to sing as solo, but i'm gonna change it to a duet with weien instead! :D
so long never sing duet with him liao, so this time i wanna do it again!
hopefully this time hong lao shi ask us to sing for eng serv too!
cause i feel like performing more! :D

ANYWAYS. i really need sleep, i'm so depriveddd! i feel as if i can like play jackpot with my eyebags lurhh!

oh and yes, if u havent seen fb, i've got this ugly photo IAN TEOH used to create a POKEMON CARD. my weakness is apparently IAN LOW.
FISH?!? WHY FISH?!? =.=
my description is like destroying ppl in my path like ZAI HAO?!? ohh kayy...
MY POWER IS EATING. =.=
MY STATS ARE: ROUND ROUND ROUND.
omggosh larrrr.

oh yar, i also just like came back from heeren. was there with mummy while she was having her company's star mtg thingy.
saw the two main leads of "My Girlfriend is an Agent" hahaha. THE GUY DAMN HOT LARRRH :D the girl just looks a bit tired. haha.
THE GUY WAS DAMN CUTE LARRR! :D

okay, very tired. tml must mug for chinese As MANNN. :// hahaha.

-thankyou for the wonderful day &imissyourhugs!

unexpected-

2009-10-27T21:12:00.002+08:00

in a nut shell...
promos over. results back. pw and chinese next. and lunnie needs to loose weight baaaddly.

okay.
results were NOT TOO BAD. almost as expected. esp phy la.
i knew i was going to fail it. hahaha.
got like U for it :((
but my midyrs, i gt 50. so in total, i got likr 41% hahahaha. so i still passed phy by 1% meaning i got S for phy.

best sub was math- B! :D
so proud of myself.
chem, i did better than i expected- C or D. cant rmber larrr. hahaha.
followed by my upsetting econ. i thought can at least get D or C. i got E! :(
GP i got E also. SUPER HAPPY. hahahaha.

ohh welllsss.
wanted to blog so many times this week. but was busy and tired. :(
somany things happened!!

i bought tiara for xinhui to wear for her party, bought angel halo for myself!
den had to help her with the party.
den also had fund-raising, or rather start to plan for fund-raising.
and apparently, choir exco needs to sing for thanksgiving.
and i'm in some video too.
lunnie is faatfatfat!!
promo results released.
my earphones the right side, died on me.
op dry-run started, tml my grp's turn.
i found out i can be very very very stubborn and cranky.
i really need to remember in the first place why qt is important. starting to not do everydday again! :(
hong laoshi msged me ask me sing solo for next month.
dunno what to sing, howwww.

okie dokes, i need to go bathe, prac op and sleep. i'm sooo deprived of sleep.
today i left the house, stepped into the lift and scared myself at the darkness of my eyebags!

last but not least, i wanted to pt this 2 vid up long ago!!

-imissyourhugs:)

i am fat. need to go run more.

2009-10-24T10:44:00.003+08:00

grahhh.
flingfabbit chicken nugget meisiam mee sua roti prata!

okay. whatever i typed there doesnt make sense. but it make sense to me. hahaha.
i'm really not hungry!
its just some things in my head and i un wanna type them out. i dunno why but i ended up typing food names and gibberish after a while. HAHAHA.

ANYWAYS. promos gone. i only had like what...? THREE DAYS to REALLY enjoy myself. now like got PW and Chinese. AHH. SCREW CHINESE.

i dunno why my chinese getting WORRSEE :((

okay. this is JUST IN: 10:47am
Lee Xun msged me: Hey guys change meeting time to 2pm
=.= okayyy.. so now what am i gonna do. grahh. always so last minute. ://

nvm, shall not comment.
i guess i have really been kinda grumpy, cranky and all :(
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? :(

i've been so negative recently. i think its pw stress. all the oral presentation prep coupled with chinese a level prep.

a nice friend told me(and several others):
"wah, no promos u also equally busy"

oh wells, thats huilun's life in a nutshell. apparently i'm always busy. I DUNNO WHY.
&& on a random note, i went to run this morning! finally in a looong time! :)
quite bad la. i usually run 1hr one, today run 45 mins only/ hahahahahaha.
OH WELLS.

i realized sometimes i subconsciously dun tell some ppl i love a lot a lot of things cause of like past experiences. apparently i tell a lot of ppl who arent THAT close to me stuff more than those who are supposedly closer to me. hmm. i regret that. but i dun also. i guess its kinda a good thing? like sometimes i dun really want them to really really know everything. i guess thats one reason why i have so many nice friends. cause i'm pretty open. :)

OH WELLs. i am fat. need to go run more.
oh, and i wanna change blogskin :)

ILOVEYOU

2009-10-20T21:23:00.004+08:00

i love you and you and you and you! :D
thanks for making my birthday wonderful!

life is so much more exciting without promos.
but it doesnt give me any reason to go church just for the fun of it. :(
so i dun think i will be going to church for fun anytime soon.
so much housework to do.
and i realise without promos(restriction) i tend to stalk people's blogs lesser! HAHAHAHA.

I WANT TO WATCH SO MANY MOVIEEESSS :)
I NEED TO GO RUN SOON :((
I HAVE TO DO THESE THINGS:

clean and pack and tidy my desk
move the toys from the upper cupboards on to the blue table
move the towels and bed sheets to the cupboard in my room
visit grandma soon
make grocery list
re-write housewok schedule (thought i dun think we'll follow it even if we re-plan it)
quickly find out when i can go out with my friends :)
return library books by 10nov :O

oh wells. heee:)
i havent blogged in a while :

SAMAUL SHING, I WILL MISS YOU LOADS.
going to class today and not seeing your orange nike bag was weird :(
i think staying in class during breaks will never be the same either! :((
i wont be able to mess your hair any more :(
and i forgot to give u a hug on monday. :(((((
&&, thank goodness i didnt go to the airport, or i would have cried hearing that u teared! :(((

samaul shing will be missed!!

have been sharing LOADS AND LOADS OF STUFF WITH SHEILAA <3
I MISS TALKING TO DORA&KERIN&PRISSY&CANDICE :(((
i havent been really going to church after school cause need to settle so many things at home :(
like housework, housework and housework.

i realised i don't really just stick to ONE person. i simply have loads of friends and none of them knows EVERYTHING abt me. hahahaha. everyone knows bits and pieces of me instead. haha. oh wells.

PROMOS IS OVER. :D
CHOIR IS NOT STARTING YET :)
SCRIPTS ARE COMING BACK! ://
BIRTHDAY WASN'T AS BAD AS I THOUGHT :)

i had a blast :)
THANKS TO ALL MY CHURCH LOVES, SCHOOL PALS and FAMILY <3

i didnt think vivo can be so pleasent at night! :)

i totally love my new presents! :D THANKS YA'LL
i will keep them all close to me heart :)
but obviously i was very scared when my birthday was nearing. so many bad memories came back and all :((
but i managed to put that aside and tried to enjoy my birthday. AND I DID :D
okayyyy- i shall go read my new library books!!

NIGHT YA'LL

-its so nice to be wrapped in your arms :)

fat on my birthday

2009-10-12T19:34:00.002+08:00

i'm like so so so fat now. hahahaha.
i came home today, cooked lunch for me and weiling den ate lunch den SLEPT.

haha. so horrible! but i was SO TIRED :(
like VERYVERYVREY TIRED. HAHAH.

i guess all the strength i had in me to mug after lunch left with the rain.
i woke up one hour later and mugged again.
well since i'm mugging u cant expect me to do housework right?! grahhh.
so she came back with a cake and a "lollipop". not lollipop la- its famous amos cookie pop. ahahaha. BUT ITS ALWAYS LIKE THIS. ON MY BIRTHDAY. scold scold scold. fine la, my bad i didnt see memo thingy. or i saw it and thought i didnt need to read it since u called. sheeeesh.

i really realise over this few days why i dun really look forward to my birthday sometimes. it just makes me feel awlful. i remembering spending a couple birthdays crying can. all the bad memories. grah. oh wells, i guess this really shows when my birthday comes life is still the same for me. i used to think when my birthday comes they will at least NOT SCOLD ME. but ytd night was blahh from my dad and tonight is blah from my mum. WHAT ELSE.

ah boo.
anyways, math was whoo. i hope econs will bee that too. not too bad now i think my promos. EXCLUDING PHYSICS. GAHHH.

lunnie is wondering who will be the first to wish her happy birthday on the official day!
she hopes.... hahahahahahahahaha.

OPEN THE EYES OF MY HEART LORD <3!

2009-10-10T10:37:00.002+08:00

OPEN THE EYES OF MY HEART LORD :D

its been in my head for a while :)

well, many things has been happeneing.
i hope my eyes will be opened to the blessings i'll get from instead of the negatives. ://

ah wells. CANT WAIT FOR PROMOS TO END.

there are honestly SO MANY things i would nlove to blog abt. but it'll be public! HAHAHAHA. oh wells. only sheila knows. hahaha. and minwei? hahaha,

-unprepared for this.

why cant we just go to heaven NOW

2009-10-05T20:45:00.004+08:00

why cant we just go heaven now?
den everything will be less painful.
okay, i'm sorry God- i'm here to fulfill whatever u place me here for.
so i will await your timing and fulfill my purpose!
-enlightened :D

oh, and i realise i really get very very emotionally attached to a lot of things.
oay, i always knew it, but i didnt know i was THIS BAD.

okay, bad is not the word, it can good to be emotionaly attached but bad too. toomuch is bad, toolittle and you'll turn into some creepy insensitive freak. at least to me, thats a freak.

how sad is it to be insensitive!

but its bad to be SO sensitive at times like these. LUNNIE NEEDS TO TALK-AND ONLY SHIELAAA WILL UNDERSTAND! hahaha.

i guess the both of us need eac other at this time. haha.
some things are better not discussed. but i kinda told sheila it although i decided not to tell anyone. but oh wells, sheila is after all my childhood friend and sister LITERALLY. :)

this is really what makes friendships last i guess- my longer friends are friends who understand that i cant be there 24/7 and expect s much out of me. iguess thats why i'm not so cliquey either. haha. but i know i like to be in a clique. but i dun wanna get dissappointed. ah, life is so hard.

now my birthday is drawing near, i dunno what to feel.
i'm so gad i get to spend my bday with my new buunch of crazy friends. but will little hiccup change everything once again.

everytime i'm close to being so very veryhappy with my new bunch of friends, there always seem tobe some sad thing that happens, and although i'm not involved, i'm as emotionally attached to the problem as my other friends going through it. WHY. mak my life so sad. but i'm glad to be able to feel like that also.

some of the friedship last after that but turn weak. others just disappear. now that my birthday is approaching, and here comes a hiccup- i start to see history repeating itself; running away from the problems, one by one.

and again i feel as if i'm the only one standing there tryin to pull everything bck tgt. so tiring. i managed to be able to detach myself after somany friendships that went bad :(
and now comes another problem- i may be too emotionally attached to this one this time.

ohno, this is gonna be painful.

new addictioon!
COLBIE CAILLIAT - MAGIC

You've got magic inside your finger tips
It's leaking out all over my skin
Everytime that I get close to you
Your makin me weak with the way you
Look through those eyes

And all I see is your face
All I need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above
Yeaaaa, oh I need you

I remember the way that you move
Your dancin easily through my dreams
It's hittin me harder and harder with all your smiles
You are crazy gentle in the way you kiss

All I see is your face
All I need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above

Oh baby I need you
To see me, the way I see you
Lovely, wide awake in
The middle of my dreams

And all I see is your face
All I need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above

All I see is your face
All I need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above
Yeaaaa, oh oh da da da do do do do do
Ahhhhhh, I... I need you

Where is God?

2009-10-04T15:45:00.004+08:00

we do so much in an attempt to make smth better.
i admit, i do that a lot.

we try our best to resolve things in our own hands.
okay we have to do smth to get the ball rolling.

but the most important thing is, do we do this knowing clearly for a fact that this is what God wants me/you to do?

we always say don't take matters into our own hands, but what if no one even does ahat if God told YOU to do smth abt it. YOU will know, u should be clear that God wants u to do smth abt it b4 doing anything else.

isnt that what we as christians should ask ourselves even before we do anything-ANYTHING AT ALL?

cause i'm telling you, if God is not supporting what u do, as in not telling u to do those things den who in the wolrd are u listening to?!
scary arh. later listen to wrong voice.

differentiating who to listen to- now thats difficult.

but so many things happen in your life right, dun u think its a blessing in disguise? maybe its just me, i'm a pretty optimistic person. after the storm i always believe comes a pretty rainbow :)
we have loads to learn from. God gave us SO MANY sources to learn from don't u think?

our friends, our family, the people around you.
they encounter problems and u are there.
surely it isnt coincidence.
i always believed God place different people in my life so i can get the different types of help i need at the moment in time.
like i can actually find someone in which i can talk non-stop, share so much things with but at the end of the day, i don't even know if we are best friends/good friends or just friends. cause i guess, i'm afraid after what happened in the past.
i guess this is why i dun really have like super close friends. like my sister has eileen. haha.
i dun have friends who is tell EVERY SINGLE thing to.
i have friends which i tell BITS AND PIECES of things to.

so for me to be able to find that type of friend which makes me feel vulnerable enough to want to tell h(er/im) everything -means that God placed that friend in my life for me at that moment in time.
cause honestly, i dunno how long our friendship will last after that.
i guess tahts why i cherish a lof of things too. and get all sentimental over small stuff. hee.

well i dunno, i guess helping others-i learn A LOT. & as to why i can see them as lessons God is teaching me, i guess its because i'm very easily grateful for things/people around me. no wonder i'm an easy to satisfy person. haha. :)

but i think i can pick them out as lessons also because i have experienced what does "all the little blessings given by God" really mean. all the small things are REALLY REALYL important. thats what made me who i am today i guess.

oh wells, who ever said being a Christian was easy?! :)

btw! ytd was mooncake festival! so i'm dedicating this song to all who actually reads my blog! haha. with the exception of one of my friends. :) you know who you are- this was dedicated to you first! HAHAHAHA. i think she's so pretty :) and her voice is just. awww. :)

你问我爱你有多深
我爱你有几分
我的情也真
我的爱也真
月亮代表我的心

你问我爱你有多深
我爱你有几分
我的情不移
我的爱不变
月亮代表我的心

轻轻的一个吻
已经打动我的心
深深的一段情
教我思念到如今

你问我爱你有多深
我爱你有几分
你去想一想
你去看一看
月亮代表我的心

count your blessings!

2009-09-30T19:46:00.004+08:00

KISSY DORA.
next it will be KISSYPRISSY. haha

had a pretty bad tremor just now. went online and search cna, found out it was by a 7.6 magnitude earthquake at indonesia! :( the poor people! :((
and the terrible haze, cause by fires that were occuring at that time too.

really made me count my blessings to be in Singapore. not only that.
while i was on the cna website, i saw this part that said smth like related news articles. i realised there are like SOOO MANY natural disasters. ytd got some mudslide or smth like that. and typhoon, etc. so badd! :( all the poor lives lost.

made me think of life impact! :(
well, only those who went will kinda know what i'm feeling i guess?
well, enough sudden urge of blogging!
i shall go bathe and mug! :D

DORA! I WANT MY KINDERJOY. & please get well.. =.=
PRISSY!! YOU TOOOO! :(((

not being able to sms also made me feel somewhat hmm...
i dunno its not the fact that i dun sms so much anymore.
its the fact that.. hmm..
WELL, i dunno how to say. its just this feeling i suddenly got.
its not too good a feeling i must say.
i hope i'm not being my oversensitive self again.
den again, when has my gut feeling failed me? ://

MY LATEST ADDICTION.
THE FRAY - NEVER SAY NEVER

There's some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while

You can never say never
Why we don't know when
Time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x2]

Picture you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
[ The Fray Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Steady your hand

You can never say never
Why we don't know when
Time, time and time again
Younger now then we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x2]

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together
Pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x4]

口裡承認，心裡相信

2009-09-29T16:09:00.002+08:00

okay, i must OFFICIALLY STOP SMSING SO MUCH.
ytd, got scolded by dagugu. :( ah wells, the pains of life.

found this on a random note! its so nice :D
promos are coming and im so so so so so so not prepred. GOD WILL HELP ME :D

but then again i must rmber god helps those who helps themselves!! MUST WORK haRD TOO!!!:D

LUNNIE JIAYOU!
after promos zaihao say wanna go eat dim sum buffet! YAY!T20 outing yah? :DD
and they want popiah party on my bday?! its a school day. next day got paper can. hha.

NEXT TIME GUYS.

planning for shing's farewell!!!
WE ARE SO GONNA MISS YOU SHING! :((( DON'T GO! (if u can dont go)

read dora's blog abt smth. felt really very sad abt it. like its SOSOtrue. christians who don't live like christians. christians who SAYthey are christians. like the bible says:

『你若口里认耶稣为主，心里信神叫他从死里复活，就必得救。因为人心里相信，就可以称义；口里承认，就可以得救。』（罗10：9-10）

i believe personally as a christian tht being us, we should live as much alike as what God wants us to live. sure its gonna be tough. but when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. haha. so like yeah, we have our backsliding times and all. the difficult part is not to succumb to it but OVERPOWER IT. get bac on your feet when u fall! cause if u don't you'll just be falling even deeper!

i also feel like whenever we grow stronger spiritually, it ddoes not mean that we are IMMUNE to satan's clutches, or become super holy or anything. believing in Goddoes not turn u to some superior being in reallife. it just makes u God's child, makes u a chrisitan. it does not put u bove others. okay in a sense it does but not really. christians shouldd be role models, touching ppl with their lives, humble, and like run away from temptations. so like we do fall, but if we keep that faith strong, come back on our feet and move forward, we will come out of the trial, a stronger chritian.

haha, well. just felt like blogging that. if not i'll actually be smsing these to someone. hahahahaha. well, cannot sms! WRITE LETTER I SHALL. hahahaha!!!

MUG NOW I WILL.

2009-09-24T23:08:00.001+08:00

Today's Verse

What the wicked dreads will overtake him; what the righteous desire will be granted.

— Proverbs 10:24 (NIV)

Thoughts on Today's Verse...

The wicked fear the triumph of goodness, holiness, and righteousness. They fear not being in control. They fear death's overtaking them. The righteous desire the triumph of goodness, holiness, and righteousness. They offer their lives to be controlled by the Holy Spirit of God. They recognize death is an enemy, but one that has been conquered by their Savior. In times like these, isn't it comforting to know that the things that the wicked fear are really things that they can be sure of receiving!

today was a real rollercoaster. learnt somuch in one day! GOD IS SO WONDERFUL:D
i can feel socalm and carefree in the midst of so much turmoil. it is really blessing! :D anyways, must go do wr finl. GOD HELP ME :D hahaha :D

God is just WOW.

2009-09-22T00:15:00.002+08:00

[Jesus said] "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."
— John 14:21 (NIV)

Thoughts on Today's Verse...Love is much more than a feeling or an attitude: love is an action. When we love, we show it by our deeds. As disciples of Jesus, our love is shown by our obedience to the things Jesus taught. Of course, that obedience brings an incredible blessing -- Jesus reveals himself to those who obey him!

okay, i'm not supposed to be blogging. but i cant sleep. i dunno why, not tired and all. so i decided to go verseoftheday.com for some reason-idkwhy.
den i saw this verse.

really made me think, wow-God really gave me the verse i needed most now.
its just. so much happened within 2 short days. maybe i'm more alert these two days or maybe its just them-whatever the reason, i don't care.
but right now, whats on my mind this very second is that i can somehow feel that God really is comforting me so much i just had to share.

its just. wow. :)
like suddenly all that sadness lifted off me, my prayers answered. but obviously-conflict not resolved.

but, just that instant, God answered my prayer- my prayer that he would get rid of all these emotions, these hurt feeling and all. and He did. :)

i'm just speechless. :)
but i know i will still have to face these problems for the rest of my life. lets just say its smth that won't go away. been here since i discovered it in primary school. oh wells.

i thought i got used to it already-i guess not.
just reminds me of how weak we are and nothing compared to what God can do.
i'm truely amazed.

-have you ever felt so invisible before?

2009-09-20T22:14:00.003+08:00

i'm not supposed toi be blogging. but after tonight, i HAVE to.

not gonna say what happened. but its just. yeah.

If No One Will Listen- Kelly Clarkson

Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul
Do you think there's enough that you would drown?

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still
I will be here still

No one can take you where you alone must go
There's no telling what you will find there
And, God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones
It's screaming every step, "Just stay here?

If you find your fists are raw and red from beating yourself down
If your legs have given out under the weight
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate

-fade into the background and disappear;invisible

birthdays,batam,froyo&neoprints:D

2009-09-20T15:10:00.003+08:00

oh my goodness, its been AGES since i took neoprint! hahaha.
today was a rather mellow day. haha.
candice, dora, prissy and ziyi went batam :(
and zihow&kenneth was eating with them at harbourfront.

so....
today was KERIN&HUILUN TIME :D
so happy, we went to eat froyo, which i have been craving for! take neoprint, which i havent taken in AGES. and went window shopping. hahah :)

well, initially i was kinda sad it was just the both of us cause the rest all gone :(
well, i was very upset. cause i wanted to go batam with them. :(
BUT; after that i realised me and kerin were gonna be able to go out tgt alone :DDD
hahaha. AHWELLS. :P

on the other hand, ytd was SO SO SO FUN :D
celebrated dora's birthday at my house :D
met ziyi at pp at 1230 den bought frozen food and fondue stuff. den went home and cleaned the balcony. not long KERIN CAME :D
den slowly everyone came and we started to get ready for the party. blowing balloons. i think its some kind of sibling thingy, cause both zihow and ziyyi blow 2 balloons and both BURST. so scared can.

haha. den i gave dora and zihow my cards :)
and xinhui made a crown for her:D
and she bought WINGS too.
&& PRISSY MADE THE CAKE:DDDD
SUPER YUMMM :D
i did the icing. :D
and zihow and kenneth was like cooking the food! ys, and weiling as norm was eating hahaha.
yizhen came too :) and after that we cut cake. den went to the beach to play sparklers! but sadly! I REALISED THERE WERE NO GENTLEMAN AROUND US. hahaha. NO ONE OFFERED TO WALK KERIN TO TAKE CAB :O TSK! hahahaha. like kerin was telling me she had to walk the dark dark alley out to the main road. hahaha. HERSELF. tsk! oh wells. cant really expect much from them i guess! &&!candoice slept ovveerrr :D we were like talking the night away! talked till like 2am! HAHA :O

anyways, i need to study now to make up for the time ytd! CHIOONNG ARRHHH. shall start fter i upload and transfer photos! :D

2009-09-15T23:06:00.002+08:00

What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!

— Romans 6:15 (NIV)

Thoughts on Today's Verse...
This matching verse to Romans 6:1-2, is the great reminder that sin is no longer our master and no longer our choice. We choose to live for God with every fiber of our being and loathe the life of sin that once held us in bondage to death and defeat.

:D 19more days to promos. oh dear. :( allthe best to me sia.

on a random note! this song was in my head the wholeeeee dayyyy!!!!
abracadebra by brown eyed girls. hahahaha. i'm brown eyed too.

GOD WILL&GOD CAN :D

2009-09-14T23:37:00.003+08:00

okay, ytd's sermon by chen mushi was good :)
like whatever he said somehow made a lot of sense and all of a sudden triggered my memory abt a lot of things. and like this past week, i have learnt as i've shared with my cell on sunday, quite a lot.

i learnt that i must be 乐观！
and that i must watch my actions more often. like after choral camp which was really good cause i also learnt smth from there. haha.
and like after this week, i realised like God was truely teaching me so much!

i was so overwhelmed after like so many things happened and there was a sudden revelation! it was just so great. haha.
yes, we must not let the evil one win! it is so true that when we are so comfortable with where we are, thinking our spiritual life is going so well, that is when satan will strike, when we are most unaware. and we fall, and cont falling. not knowing that we are actually falling into a very very sad state. like what i was so going through.

despite efforts to try to grow stronger spiritually during that period of time, it was really just very difficult. just like spiritually on and off. :(

but i think after this thing, once like u admit, u face it and try once more, this time witht the knowledge that it might be satan at work, we will pull through! :)

like all of a sudden my life so much better again. haha, i dunno why. it just shows we cant live without God! :D

well, anyways, this thurs is zihow's birthday! den sat is DORA'S birthday! den tues my brother's! SO MANY BIRTHDAYS, SO LITTLE TIME, NO MORE MATERIAL TO MAKE PRESENTS! :(

&&! dora is going batam with prissy, candice, ziyi and kenneth! GRAH. I WANNA GO. I'M SO SAD NOW. :(

&&! before that, cause they are like leaving on sun i think or smth like that, sat they are celebrating dora's birthday at MY HOUSE! BBQ! :D
haha, supposed to be at east coast beach.. but then!... but we'll still go east coast park dora, dun worry! hahaha.

&&! candice will sleep over after that, CANDICE, THERE IS NO FIRST TIME WHAT EVER THING. hahaha. first time sleeping over at someone's house meh! =.=

AH WELLs, EXAM BLUEs, i must mug. PRAYPRAYPRAY.

PRAY&HAVE FAITH THAT GOD WILL AND GOD CAN!

on a random note, this song is playing in my head once again. it played in my head b4 life impact. den during life impact they used the song as some meditative song! SO COOL HUR. den during the choral camp, a choir perf this song & it was the song that triggered my brain to think HARD!! think hard at my life recently! :D here is the song! HERE I AM LORD :)

explosion

2009-09-10T22:21:00.001+08:00

sometimes i seriously wonder what u want from me. okay i always think that.

fill my scheule and expect me to say no to others.
yes, scold me.
i'm invisible. i'll just absorb it all and internalize it.

thanks uh, for understanding.

quest for camelot :)

2009-09-06T20:30:00.000+08:00

today was kuo chuan, and tom and his friends(yi zhan-i dunno how to spell, issac) came as well :) hahaha.

forgot to take photo :S haha.
anyway, tml shall go run after sat night's buffet! OH! SO FULL. hahaha. :)

&on my long long bus ride home today from j8, i was listening to this song, like SPAMMING it. hahaha, put it on loop and all. :)

okay, must understand what makes this song SPECIAL :) if u hvent watched quest for camelot, u are seriously losing out on smth BIG. haha :)

this is one of my childhood movies i totally love :) haha.

well, anyway! this song is special cause the guy is BLIND. :(
but she loves him anyway! SO NICE RIGHT. haha :)

Look at the sky- tell me, what do you see
Just close your eyes and describe it to me
The heavens are sparkling with starlight tonight
That's what I see through your eyes

I see the heavens, Each time that you smile
I hear your heartbeat just go on for miles
And suddenly I know why life is worthwhile
That's what I see through your eyes
That's what I see through your eyes

Here in the night I see the sun
Here in the dark our two hearts are one
It's out of our hands
We can't stop what we have begun
And love just took me by surprise
Looking through your eyes

I see a night I wish could last forever
I see a world we're meant to see together
And it is so much more than I remember
More than I remember more than I have known

Here in the night I see the sun
Here in the dark our two hearts are one
It's out of our hands
We can't stop
What we have begun
And love just took me by surprise
Looking through your eyes
Looking through your eyes

not my will, but yours

2009-09-03T22:00:00.000+08:00

my new fav :)

A word's just a word
'Til you mean what you say
And Love isn't love
'Til you give it away
We've all got a give
Yeah something to give to make a change

Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it Strong
Shine a Light and Send it On

Just smile and the world will smile along with you
That small act of love
Is spent for one to become two
If we take the chances
To change circumstances
Imagine all we can do
If we...

Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it Strong
Shine a Light and Send it On
Send it on

There's Power in all of the choices we make
So I'm starting now there's not a moment to wait
A word's just a word
'Til you mean what you say
And love isn't love
'Til you give it away

Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it Strong
Shine a Light and Send it On

On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will help things start
Make it Strong
Shine a Light and Send it On
Shine a Light and Send it On
Shine a Light and Send it On

:) i shall pray, and leave it all in God's hands.
everything that happens is to his desire not mine!

a sick twist in such a wnderful day

2009-09-02T21:49:00.000+08:00

psalm 34:1-10
1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.

10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

prayer mtg was good, i felt so good after that. sogood i had to open my big fat mouth. so good, i had to have to share with them what i felt so precious to me. so good i decided to let them in. so good, but they crushed it allover again. sure i know u worry, sure i know u cae, thats why u dont want me to take this responsibility. but i beleive lr that it can be one, i beleive alr that this will work out. i beleive that this sthe moment i have to create a change. why are u postponing it when i fell tht we are dying toHAVE TO HAVE IT.

this is sobad, i really want to cry. but no, i will not give in to tears AGAIN because of you, i wil stay firm and be strong. and i will pray. i prayed abt for so long, i thought i knew the direction God was leading me. but u just had to be the 1% to destroy my confidence all tgt. just crushed me and left me withnothing to keep. why did have to be you anyway. i shared cause i thought u would finally be supportive of me. you never gave me the strength i was seekig, no wonder i always find it a chore to ask u for advice. you always made me feel even worse when i wanna share my ideas and plas. you always take away my confidence totally cause u havent got faith in me.

without faith, without spprt, i cant do it and give my 100%, casue i know u aret happy. and it affects me.

thanks.
crushed my dreams you did, you didnt even leave a fragment for me to hold on.

2009-09-01T20:35:00.000+08:00

this song has been speaking to me :D

你是我的主.引我走正义路.

高山或低谷.都是你在保护.

万人中唯独.你爱我认识我.

永远不变的应许.这一生都是祝福.

一步又一步.这是恩典之路.

你爱.你手.将我紧紧抓住.

一步又一步.这是盼望之路.

你爱.你手.牵引我走这人生路.

你是我的主.引我走正义路.

高山或低谷.都是你在保护.

万人中唯独.你爱我认识我.

永远不变的应许.这一生都是祝福.

一步又一步.这是恩典之路.

你爱.你手.将我紧紧抓住.

一步又一步.这是盼望之路.

你爱.你手.牵引我走这人生路.

一步又一步.这是恩典之路.

你爱.你手.将我紧紧抓住.

一步又一步.这是盼望之路.

你爱.你手.牵引我走这人生路.

你爱.你手.牵引我走这人生路.

ANYWAY, THIS I WANNA SAY:
AHHH, teachers day celeb: i cant go see my classmates ( WHICH I AM DYING TO SEE) & teachers.

ytd: went to celebrate kerin's birthday- but couldnt stay for the movie! :((((((
THE MOVIEEEE :((((
THE PROPOSAL.

like thats not bad enough, i still missed the OTHER movie, UP-which i wanted to watch with the same grp of people. this is so saddenning.

but anyways, i wouldnt give anything in return for the reason why i left, cause i went for 1520 mtg cum leaders training. it was obviously pricesless, whatever sharing and blah we had.

honestly, i really hope dor some kind of revival for 1520. but we always want this or that to happen. but we forget the after part. we need to constantly REMIND each other the reason we are christians and the reason why we were craving for God at the first place. so much maintanence to deal with, who will willingly do it?

yes, tired we are, but i'm still not ready to give up yet!

like that time, i was so demoralized and at the verge of giving up, complaining, lamenting to xinhui, den we entered the hall for the ZANMEIZHIQUAN concert,

den there, PLASTERED ON THE SCREEN, said the words:

不要放弃，满有能力！

i was quite shocked at first, den i felt so weak and awlful, cause i was really thinking abt giving up liao. funny how God speaks to us.

well, shall go mug after uploading some photos :)
btw, WHY ARE GUYS SO RELUCTANT TO TAKE PHOTOS! JUST TAKE LA, SO U CAN HAVE NICE LOOKLING PHOTOS AND NOT UNGLAM ONES. tsk!

&&! THANKYOU MY LOVELY LOVE LOVE LOVE DORA! FOR THE AI XIN BIAN DANG! I WAS TOTALLY HAPPY AFTER THAT!

realisation?

2009-08-13T21:31:00.002+08:00

i've come to a conclusion after my VERYVERY HIGH FEVER BREAK, that i should really not expect so much out of .......................people.

well, apparently, NOBODY BLOGGED ABT ME NOT BEING ABLE TO GO WATCH UP WITH THEM WHICH I SO SO SO WANTED TO.
:(
no not sad face! it should be an ANGRYface, but i cant find the emoticons on the key-board for an angry face.

AND, after i came back from that 3 day mc, all i saw was a pile of work under my desk! THANKS TO THE VERY HELPFUL GUYS SITTING ON MY DESK, BUT NOBODY TOLD ME ANY INSTRUCTIONS WHATSOEVER. so i totally DID NOT know what to do.

AND, choir has been just HECTIC, so many things so when i disappeared and came back, okay, i shall not comment on that.

WELL, MANY MANY MORE INCIDENTS THAT MADE ME THINK THIS WAY,

ohmygosh, i must really sound like a small little girl right now, it is so not me to rant abt this type of thing on my public blog, but oh boo.

and i'm supposed to be studying for my 3tests tml, but NOOO. i'm letting myself be distracted here tonight. and must give credit okay, i never touch computer for personal use since MONDAY.

AND!! the reason why i'm being so highly irritated is because i havent been sleeping early and i'm not counting on it tonight. anddddd!! TO TOP IT ALL;; MY EARPHONES SPOIL. :(((((((( i'm currently the saddest person on earth, or rather a developed country where material goods paly a huge role in my life.

AH WELLs, at least i still have GOD to confide in, screw all those .................people....

You've got this look I can't describe

2009-08-06T21:21:00.000+08:00

You've got this look I can't describe
You make me feel like I'm alive
When everything else is a fade
Without a doubt you're on my side

MY NEW CRAZE :) Corinne Bailey's Just Like A Star. :)
the lyrics are just.. :) <3!
haha, today finally went back to school. i've got a heap. no mountain! to catch up on :(
tml chem Mock SPA or issit my retest?
I'M SO CONFUSED. HAVE TO MUG FOR BOTH?!?
GRAHHHH.
so DEAD. i'm TOAST.
i better go mug now.
still couhign though :(

Like A Star lyrics
Songwriters: Bailey Rae, Corinne;

Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel off the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same

Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands
Oh, I do love you

Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
We do it all the time
Blowing out my mind

You've got this look I can't describe
You make me feel like I'm alive
When everything else is a fade
Without a doubt you're on my side

Heaven has been away too long
Can't find the words to write this song
Oh, your love

Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
We do it all the time
Blowing out my mind

I have come to understand
The way it is, it's not a secret anymore
'Cause we've been through that before
From tonight I know that you're the only one
I've been confused and in the dark, now I understand

I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
I wonder why it is

I won't let my guard down
For anyone but you
We do it all the time
Blowing out my mind

Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel off the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same
Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands

39.8 degrees

2009-08-04T08:27:00.000+08:00

this morning i woke up at like 5plus? i think its becayse of my fever.
i got off the bed reluctantly, wobbled down my double decker bed, landed on the floor and felt like the world was spinning madly. den walked very very slowly to my table, saw my brother and sister getting reasdy for school, sat on my comfy chair and took my temperature.

beep beep beep: 39.8 degrees?!

I TOTALLY HAD THE FRIGHT OF MY LIFE.
i was so scared, almost 40degrees! feeling all dizzy and all, i decided i shall drink loads of water, eat some oatmeal and take my temperature once more, cause perhaps its that "just woke up" thing, u know like how u just wake up and ur temp is really high? yeah, i wantd to believe that i was going through that. so after all the oatmeal and medicine, i took my temp again, 39.6 degrees. OKAY, now i was REALLY scared, i moved so slowly, ate veyr slowly, drank a lot of water and its still 39?!

so i just prayed very hard, like i keep thinking my brain is gonna get friend or smth. and i must say THANK GOD. REALLY. THANK YOU GOD.

now its 37.7 :D
u have NO IDEA what kind of comfort God brought me upon seeing my temp slowly decrease. i slept after taking medication, woke up a few times to take my temp. it slowly dropped with every time i took my temp. and i must really thank God once again.

but ah wells, i dunno why i suddenly fell SO ILL. mummy and papa say its cause i overworked my body. well, maybe? maybe also cause of stress la. like so many things recently. so they grounded me. HAIYO. :(

i so long never get grounded liao. so they grounded me for 1week, they say cannot go out and all, must come home everyday after school or CCA. they also dun let me go church study. :(

i really loove going to church to study and you are taking it away from me. okay, nvm, i shall not complain about that. grounded? grahhhhhhhhh. how old am i already?! :( no diff la, i also never go out with my friends liao, i drop my entire social life already can. i never go out to watch movie etc for the last 2 or 3 months leh. so there really isnt a diff.

oh wells, whattado. this is life. :/
anyways! 赞美之泉 concert on sunday night was so encouraging, so wonderful. sandy yu was so charismatic, so real. and her voice:)
i must say, God really spoke to me that night! :D as in enlightened me that night. :D
here's another one of the songs :D

不要放棄 - 讚美之泉

FEVER over FEVER.

2009-08-03T12:58:00.000+08:00

haha, i am well, ill. been so long since i had a fever.
seriously, i feel like crap. xinhui is gonna take me to raffles later. have tto leave by 2pm!

had like fever of like 38.1 this morning, after my sleep, dropped to 37.5
okay, not fever, but i still feel horrid. :(
AND COLD. :(

i cant mug for tml's test anyway, i feel so horrid.
i think even if i mug now also nothing go in. :( ah wells,
mummy says i might need to be confined leh. omgoodness. we'll see how.

i shall leave this post with this song! :D
滿有能力 - 讚美之泉

catch me

2009-07-27T00:13:00.002+08:00

haha. DEMILOVATO in her new album, Here We Go Again. ITS REALLY REAALYYY not bad. :D

i love catch me! the lyrics so awwwwwww!

Before I fall, too fast
Kiss me quick, but make it last
So I can see how badly this will hurt me
When you say goodbye

Keep it sweet, keep it slow
Let the future pass, and don't let go
But tonight I could fall to soon
To this beautiful moonlight

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
And your love is where I'm falling
So please don't catch me

See this heart won't settle down
Like a child running scared from a clown
I'm terrified of what you do
My stomach screams just when I look at you

Run far away so I can breath
Even though your far from suffocating me
I cant set my hopes to high
Cuz every hello ends with a goodbye

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
But please don't catch me

Now you see why I'm scared
I can't open up my heart without a care
But here I go, it's what I feel
And for the first time in my life I know it's real

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've get me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
So please don't catch me

If this is love please don't break me
I'm giving up so just catch me

hhaha. i love the:

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've get me smiling in my sleep

awww right... :)))
well, having bad week gone and away. here comes a new week, lets pray everything will be better! :D HAVE FAITH IN WHAT GOD PREPARES YOU FOR!

Breathe (2am)

2009-07-25T00:22:00.003+08:00

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,

You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again

If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song

If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,

Threatening the life it belongs to

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd

Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

okay, breathe is still my best comfort song. it can really relate to so many of my problems. ILOVETHISSONG.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to

but i'll always believe that..

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,

keep believing

2009-07-24T23:20:00.002+08:00

fly me to the moon and let me stay right there to die, take away my sorrows and my burden along the way, in otherwods, darling kill me, in otherwords, i screwed up.

rahhhhh. rahhhhh.rahhhh.
i dun think anybody will truely understand what i'm going through right now, one issue after another. one hill after another. i cant seem to climb over the mountains infront of me otherwise, am drowning in the pacific ocean.

i hate to look back and regret the choices i made, i hate to know that the fact was that i made a mistake, i hate to look forward knowing everything won't be fine.

but why do i still keep reassuring myself that everything will be alright when its not?

its like i cant breathe with all these things around me, i'm suffocating. really. i really really think i cant handle all these things at one go.

i feel like i'm the only one who cares abt macaroni, i'm sure i'm not the only one. but honestly, this is what it feels like right now.

this is REALLY A WASTE OF TIME, cause it can TOTALLY BE AVOIDED. but why is it SO DIFFICULT just to get a couple of people to want to know God more? and try to be the glue of them. superficial. everything. i hate to say this abt church things but its true, it exists, i know i cant do much to change it, but i still strongly believe that everything will work out.

again, reassuring myself of the impossible?

i really don't know. i really don't know how far this will go. i dunno how long i can tolerate this, i'm literally bursting. i cant carry all the believe that it will work out fine when i seem to be the only one believing it will work out.

not to forget my innate want to help my friends. does this make me easy to climb over? being too kind? being too nice? being too easy to bully? what is wrogn with me? i have over the years rationalized that these were good attributes and that i can put it into full use, good use. i have been trying. but i feel like everyone is stepping over my head.

like a friend told me once: "you let others step over your head too easily"

i've heard this line from my close friends over and over again. so many times over the years that i dunno if i'm being smart helping others when they don't help me. helping others when in return they hurt me, helping them when in return i get nothing, helping them and in return i dun benefit.

but i still help whereever and whenever i can. why?

today the first time in my life i thought "this is too much" - before i actually agreed to help in this other issue.

its not really just about macaroni, my social life and church and all, its everythign else, everything thats bugging me, like this old emotion bubbling inside me, this new person, marking a new start. but i must not let history repeat itself, i will not.

not to forget, choir, both sch and church. time, i wish it was extended to 30hrs a day or more and sleeping took only 1/10 of the day or something. so many things to accomplish. i sometimes wish i had insomia.

also my studies, my homework, my pw, my church mtgs, my church coms, my cell grp, my social life and my family.

i'm so sry to ian,jea,steve. i really cannot go out with you guys. no money, no time. i need both a lot. i have NO SOCIAL LIFE.

this has just been a very very hectic and tiring week. test my faith Lord, but despite all these rantings i will still believe that out of this i will emerge a stronger christian. i still believe that everything happens for a reason. i still believe that macaroni will grow, i still believe that being nice with nothing in return is what i do best, i still believe that God is in control and that God will provide. and that God will make my greys skies clear blue.

i still have faith that everything will work out fine.

cornycornyme:)

2009-07-24T00:14:00.002+08:00

hemakestimestop&hedoesntevenknowit-

okay, isnt it evident that i've been listening to very corny music. HAHAHAHA.
like disney happy ever afters. cause i'm really not over it yet! :)

i just found another corny song! CHANweiling was like making fun of me :(
oh poo. whatever la. hahaha. i like can liao :D

haha. ahwells, i'm not supposed to be here. haha. suppsed to be doing smth else! haha. finished hw and all so i figured can reward myself. HAHAHA, sound farmiliar? :O

"IMUSTREALLYSTOPREWARDINGMYSELF"

ohhdeeaarr. :O haha. ahh wells, nvm la. hahahaha, :O
well, things have been VERY BUSY for my this WHOLE WEEK. i had like tues, installation perf, wed, jiashibaogao thingy, today was rest day but i had A level listening compre and that wasted my entire afternoon, den tml need to go buy choir stuff for farewell.

btw, i am choir's new PR :D

ahwells, tml going DAISO! with IVAN AND GREG, smaira and bridget calls us the HIGs? hahaha. today, stupid ian called me a TRANNY. WHATTHESHIT HIM LA. den zaihao happily add salt to my wound. GRAH.

tml will be a loonngg dayyy, ONCE AGAIN. AND I'M VERY ANGRY, now i know why i let myself blog.

CAUSE I WANTED TO RANT ABT BEING BROKE. BROKE. BROKE.

i am BROKE, LITERALLY, the $200 in my piggy bank has been reduced to $0. :((((
i'm a very very sad girl. :( broke, and i dun even spend much on food in sch, that means i spend a lot eating outside? maybe.
but i havent been spending.. like really... :(
and its not my fault i have to go out right... i got to settle some things thats why i'm out. :((((
and like still need to pay class fund OVER AND OVER AGAIN. not to mention i owe CHOIR FUND $$ too. :(((

i wish i had a princecharming to pay for all my meals.

HAHAHA. dream on lunnie. okay, i can dream. hahahaha! which reminds me of one of my top played songs of the month:

cinderella's: A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes.

awww, right... :))))
A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.

2009-07-19T23:16:00.003+08:00

But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles, Wanna hold him.
Maybe I'll just sing about it.

i gotta stop rewarding myself from every peice of assignment i finish. ://

i just all of a sudden thought of this part of the lyrics from Breathe(2am). i am DEFINITELY still in love with that song :)

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,Oh breathe, just breathe

i can't help it. :D
THE LYRICS ARE SO MEANINGFUL :D

i wish life was like an hourglass glued to a table sometimes. :)

1520 DEC CAMP

2009-07-19T18:41:00.002+08:00

CANT WAIT, CANT WAIT CANT WAIT CANT WAIT! :D

so glad to be in the camp com, been so long since i've been in a camp com. haha! have always been helping out after stepping down from org camps with yizhen they all. hahaha. had the 1st mtg todayyy :)

i'm like down for SO MANY THINGS. at first the first thing that came to mind was, OOO! cool, i can do this this that that. :)))
DEN, it hit me that i still need to juggle with CHURCH&SCHOOL CHOIR, STUDIES, PROMOS, PRAISE TEAM, FUND RAISING, CELL GROUP ON TUES NIGHTS, NEXT WEEK MACARONI IN CHARGE FOR SHAO ER HOSTING, HOMEWORK, PW, COUNCIL INSTALLATION ONTUES NIGHT.

okay, so far i can only think of these few things, but it made me realize how PACKED my shcedule WILL be. got so MANY deadlines to meet, its okay, i will tell myself to perservere. cause this is doing God's work. I CAN DO THIS, AND GLORIFY HIM THROUGH THIS! :D

anyways, i just finised typing the minutes, hopefully it doesnt need amendments. i shall bathe and mug NOWWWWWWWW. MUGIMUST. IMUSTMUG.

WAITING FOR PHOTOS OF ROCKCLIMBING TO BE UPPPP :((((

ROCKCLIMBING :D

2009-07-18T22:28:00.004+08:00

isn't it obvious i havent gotten through my fever of disney and happy endings :) hahahahaha. I DON'T CARE. haha!

today went rock climbing with qing nian tuan qi. haha. very fun, cant wait for photos to be up :) i climbed 2 walls. haha.
after that had lunch with the rockclimbers at parkway. haha. i tell u arh, if we didnt go tao nan to climb, i wouldnt have gone! hahaha! anyways during lunch me, xinhui, leehuan and ziyi shared meesiam, carrot cake and ICE CREAMM!! haha. and also tempted ernest with our meesiam. it was all so nice, which reminds me i owe xinhui and ziyi money! hahaha. :O
ahwells, i ALWAYS owe ppl money. hahaha. tsk lunnie tsk!

DURIAN&RAM icecream rocks to the max :)

YAY, tml church. but tml gotta go home myslef and all cause my paretns will bring the rest of the family to malaysia. my dad speaking. so i'll be alone. cant go cause got church camp mtg tml. hahaha. ah wells. :)

its been so long since i was com member of a camp. haha. its been almost like 3yrs? haha. this is will refreashing all over again! :)

ahwells. that means tml after church can come home mug. :)
MUGIMUST!

oh yar, midyr results are BACCCK.
GP: E
math: U
Chem: U
Phy: D (YESSS!!!!)
Econs: B(WHOOOOOHOOOOOO~~)
chinese: D (aiyar, same as sec sch. haha!)

ahwells, nto very satisfied with the results, so i SHALL AND MUST MUG!
WE GO WE GO!

HARRY POTTER ANYONE? :)

2009-07-14T00:46:00.002+08:00

okay i know i'm supposed to be asleep now and all, but i finished eom, was preparing for biblestudy den this happened!

i was preparing for bible study and i cant help but to post this. cause papa came out and spoke to me and shared with me this:

John 6:28-29 (New International Version)

28Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?"

29Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."

this verse is so powerful so full of meaning don't you think. i think this verse really tells us how POWERFUL God is. how WONDERFUL he is. all we need to to is to BELIEVE in him and we are actually doing the WORK OF GOD. cimple isnt it? it isnt abt leading bible study isnt about trying to take matters into our hands and resolve things OUR way, all we need to do it BELIEVE in him and everything else will fall naturally into place. :D

THANKYOU GOD FOR THIS VERSE, THIS DAY AND MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS :D
ILOVE YOU ALLL <3!

ENCHANTED!

2009-07-12T20:44:00.003+08:00

ohmygoodness i dunno whether this is good or bad! hahaha

I ADMIT WHOLEHEARTEDLY, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A HAPPILY EVER AFTER TOOOOO!!! :))))))

its SO CORNY and SO CLICHE and SO UNREALISTIC, but i will truely love to have one!! :D

HOHO! i just watched enchanted :) hahaha.
i think mcdreamy and edward is SO SO TOTALLY HOT!!
&& i've been going crazy over these two cartoons, CHOWDER and MIGHT B! haha. both from cartoon network, shall post abt it next time. haha. right now i wanna go read my story book! HAHAHA. in a mood for ROMANTIC storiess :))))

anyhoos, today ate jap for lunch cost a bomb, got no money now. LITERALLY :( my poor empty hungry piggy bank! :( another week of school and thos time we getting our papers back!! :(( SO SCARED. ANYWAYS, my msges BOMB liao. so i'm so dead. :(

well, this week has been somewhat a real lesson and i thank God, i learnt SO MUCH, but i shall not say. cause its close and personal to me,. hahaha. shy la :O hahahaha.

HERE'S MY CORNY UNREALISTIC MUSIC :)

AWWW RIGHTT. :)))) okay, off to my romantic books where princes exists and all the sweet things of the world unite! HAHAHA.

HE IS MY STRENGTH.

2009-07-04T13:27:00.004+08:00

I'M PROUD TO SAY EXAMS ARE OVER & I'M SO GONNA FLOP MOST OF THEM. HAHAHA.

anyways, thanks ya'll. hahaha. i never thought my blog still got ppl read one! :O
so many things happened. like exams and in the midst of it cel grp thing. grah.

well, i think i will put on hold the qt-format thingy, den do proper cell group topical studies first. cause i think asking so much commitment out of them to do this every day thing should be quite a feat for them i think. cause like i dun think they don't do qt everyday already. well, maybe some of them but honestly, can u say u have diligently been doing qt EVERYDAY, WITH the thought in mind that u are doing this to make your life fuller? honestly i would say NO. what would be YOUR answer?

anyway, this cell grp topical thingy is like we focus on some topics every week or month. haha. and seriously. NOT PUT IT ON A SUNDAY. the purpose of this bible study at first is to STRENGTHEN and to ENFORCE our faith and our spiritual growth. so like what mushi said: ONE sermon for ONE week, pluss the everyday qt which i'm sure not everyone does everyday. so to have it on a sunday after church won't really be realistic to the purpose of the cell grp thing AT first, it'll be more like sharing and learning together. thats what the aim of the cell group thing.

so i was very disappointed when they wanted it on sunday, cause if u think abt it, to have it on sunday? no.1: usually u are too tired and many ppl disappear after church with their parents or have plans, cause ITSA A SUNDAY. we all usually wanna sleep the afternoon away or have family thingy on sunday OR go out with friends. honestly, do u think u can bring the correct attitude to cell grp if we have it on such a sunny hot sweaty sunday when u alr so tired after lunch. FRANKLY I WOULD SAY SO MYSELF, NO.

so i think i'm just gonna send an email to my beloved cell grp members and LITERALLY set a day and time on a WEEKDAY. i'm so sry peiwei :(, i'll just email u what we did, so u can read it if u wanna. or i can email those who didnt turn up then. cause i want the cell grp to LEARN smth and CARRY it our in life, i really dun want this to be some slip-shot thing. it really breaks my heart to see such an unwilling attitude.

so like i'm really not forcing anyone to come, it'll be open to all who can make it. and those who wants to come just come. and remember come with a WILLING heart to LEARN more about God, not a half-hearted mindset. cause understanding God' word and all, u cannot be thinking about something else, i'm sure God wasn't thinking abt someone else when he was creating u wasn't he? thats how much he loves each and everyone of us for who we are, cause he was created us and has a PERFECT plan for us. and this perfect plan install for us is really what he wants us to do with our life. many ppl always asks: what do u want me to do for u Lord? i simply think of it this way, God has a plan install for us, and through our everyday life it will seem clearer and clearer. its really just putting your faith in him. fully surrendering to him, whatever trails that appear in your life, its a lesson from God. :D

like i also had like a sudden revelation about my life and all, like not sudden la, i already figured it out long ago. but it always comes back to haunt me in the negative way :( like sometimes i wonder how come my friendships can never last longer than a year or 2. like i have many friends but honestly, i can tell u i really have no best friends, except some people la. but i also drifting from them liao. =.= and its not just friendship, its also like how some friends of mine are my friends because they are troubled den they talk to me. and there are also those who doesnt take me seriously, and when i'm serious they make a joke out of it. making it so difficult to talk. it really makes me so irritated that i just literally shut up, cause i know that i'm like emotionally charged, i would really flare up at you if u cont it, so i just chage the topic if i must and move on. i dun wanna pick a fight with anyone seriously. and i guess i must really thank God for giving me the ability to put it aside and still stand them and talk to them nicely, draining every ounce of my patience. i absolutely think God has provided so much for me and there is only so little i can do right now as a student. so unworthy of his love, his mercy and grace. and like i wanna do more but i dunno how. so during lifeimpact i decided since i hold kinda like a assistant leader in macaroni, maybe i could do something abt the spiritual side. and really God is EVERYTHING, as long as we love God, we will want to know more abt him, so we will wanna come tgt and talk abt him will we not? so we can learn more about him, this in a sense can be done through cell grp sharing, and learning God's word at the same time.

i really feel since God himself is so wonderful, we don't need so much bonding activites to bond the cell, as long as we have God in our hearts and a willingness to know him more, we can reach greater heights tgt, and won't that already be bonding? cause we already have a common goal, to love God more right? so what's the point in having the cell thing i suggested? its to bond right? more importantly to learn abt God more. the common goal. :)

anyway, like seriously, i have so many friends, but no close friends. and honestly, i always appear insignificant to my friends until they need someone to talk to then they wil see me, so i may appear insignificant to my friends, but in God's eyes, i am more than that. i am his child :D so be it if i dun have so many good friends, i'm happy where i am, i have God.

2009-06-27T00:08:00.002+08:00

ohmygosh, this is just so annoying and so saddening, like draining the life outta me, i'm so tired, physically and emotionally. serious. i want to believe everything is fine and dandy but how can i when everytime i think everything will turn out fine there is this stick poking me at the back. grah. i'm really so tired, and i wanna sleep, but i cant sleep without thinking abt it, thinking abt it will just make me feel worse, and thus i cant sleep. grah. gah, grah, grah. at times like these, i really need to prayyyy. :////

i somehow knew this was coming, but its like everytime i try to mend it its just another stab. grah me grah you. grahgrahgrah. just when i like totally pick myself up this has gotta happen to me and turn my whole entire life topsy turvy. but i must say i have been having better days these last few weeks after church camp. studying at church, just totally blocks me off from the worldand focus on the books aside from chatting with kerin, zihow, dora. like its just me, my books in God's place. studying there just relaxes me and help me not think of all these things. but instead lead me to think abt my cell grp, my studies, the bible study thing i hope to work and all. i really hope the bible study thing will turn out fine, or maybe better than that. i totally know i'll be so tired and drained if it starts, but i really want something to be done. and seing how good the response is so far, i hope it'll cont and not just die down after the heat is over.

what to say? i guess i can only go back to the bible, pray earnestly and pray for an enlightening.

i shall pay a trip to verse of the day once again.

Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.
— Proverbs 3:25-26

i take from verse of the day. hmm, i guess i must try to memorise this verse, after reading it just makes me feel so much better!

THANKYOUGOD.

i really cant tell anyone except those few who knows whats going on, but its already so late! so they're all asleep, at least i still have GOD. :)

yay. i feel peaceful enough to sleep now! :)

NITEY NITE NITE.

27 DRESSES!

2009-06-20T22:42:00.002+08:00

i've ALWAYS WANTED TO WATCH THIS MOVIE!
then i saw it on HBO just now, stopped playing sims and sat infront of the tv to enjoy the long-desired movie :)

I REALLY REALLY LOVE THE FACT THAT SHE LOVES HER SISTER AND FRIENDS SO MUCH SHE ALWAYS SAYS "YES" TO THEM! :)

i hope i can be like that also, but then again, also know when to say no. hehe :)

ahh, wells. i really like her since i love GREY'S ANATOMY, and also i like the lead guy also cause he was staring in x-men and hairspray. haha. so i was so happy they got together. hahaha.

ahh wells, that aside, haha. I MADE OREO CAKES! or muffins lar. haha. SO HAPPY! GONNE BRING IT TO CHURCH TML:)

hopefully it wont MELT :(

haha. anwyas, tml is SUNDAY, so must sleep early for church!

&&! tonight i'm gonna sleep in XINHUI'S bed cause she is in BATAM with DORA and AARON and my DEAR DEAR DEAR maid, SITI! :(

i miss them all! haha.

&&! tml is 1520 sports day :) so i hope we win! i'm off to bed, or rather fb! TOODLES :)

2009-06-17T18:12:00.009+08:00

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.
— Ephesians 1:17 (NIV)

haha, i saw this verse on http://www.verseoftheday.com/ :)

&&! I decided to put a few nice shots from yizhen's camera of the camp here :)))

omgosh! i totally feel like a pig now:)

i like totally slept at 3am last night woke at 9am den slept at 1.30pm till 5pm. HAHAHAHA.

so i'm so energetic now. hahahaha. i'm such a pig lar. hahaha.

anyways, today i am gonna go celebrate FATHER'S DAY && PAPA'S BIRTHDAY.

&& i was randomly looking at photos in the computer and found these :D

i can only imagine//lifeIMPACT!

2009-06-16T23:16:00.002+08:00

Matthew 16:24-28
24Then Jesus said to the disciples:" If anyone wants to be my follower, he must put aside his selfish ambitions, shoulder his cross and follow me. 25If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give your life to me, you will find true life. 26And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process? Is anything worth more than your soul? 27 For I, the Son of Man, will come in the glory of my Father with his angels and will judge all people according to their deeds. 28 And I assure you that some of you standing here right now will not die before you see me, the Son of Man, coming in my Kingdom."

haha, like what i did in 1520 blog, i shall start with this video: tribute to rick hoyt.

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

I can only imagine

yes, indeed i can only imagine, imagine how it is to be incapable of doing anything, imagine how it is to feel as if i have been rejected by what i created, imagine how painful it is to see my one and only son suffer, imagine so much. how will i dare say that i understand? i will never be able to fathom your love, your unending mercy and faith in us. :)

the lyrics are so touching isnt it? i really hope i can do what the chorus says.
surrounded by his glory, standing in his presence, singing hallelujah. and maybe his glory will be so overpowering that i have to fall to my knees, that i have to cry because i cant rejoice anymore, and not speak cause words a lone cannot describe his love for us.

this camp has really made me feel that i can do much more for God but how? it has also made me want to reach out more of my friends cause of how the ending of the game for me made me feel as if i was one of my friends who never heard of Jesus and then game ended just like that for them. but this time, it wont be just a game, it will be more than a game. it will be real, it will break my heart, it will break theirs as well. i cant expose anything that happened during the camp cause it was too great to explain and we arent allowed, cause it'll spoil the game. but it was just so wonderful. i did not regret not going finland, cause if i did, i wont know so many new friends.

this camp also made me realise that God really wants us to be one big family cause he brought us tgt, different service and different church in the camp. inter grating us to bond, and feel so much more like a family now. like how so many of the girls in my dorm were supposed to be somewhere else, but cause of swine flu, their trips got canceled and they were in the same room as me. haha. which is so totally cool :) if God can bring us all tgt just like that there is no wondering how much MORE he can do. isnt it scary yet so wonderful?

this camp also reminded me not to hold on to the materialistic things of this world, cause really when we leave this world, we bring nothing with us, except our souls. i was so sad that i couldnt fulfill what God wanted me to do in the game, i managed to do what I wanted, managed to get married like i wanted, managed to manage my business not too well, managed to bank in money, managed to pay my taxes and bills, meet my daily requirements. but i forgot one thing i had in the real world, i had church, i had a God i could serve, and i missed out the most important thing, when i served God sure it was tiring and tough, but i enjoyed it, i enjoyed the ending of it, after finish serving that aspect. it makes me so happy that i wanna go ahead and serve him again in my best capacity. :)

i really miss peacehaven :( like so much memories and moths. haha.
anyways, enough of my lessons learnt, what happened there was just unforgettable.
okay, i dunno why i cant upload my hpotos :( all in fb la. haha.

anyways, 1st day:
bus ride was killer, after it i had an acheing back and i felt like a grandpa.
when we reached i was so tired. haha. but i played sims3 on my phone, courtesy of kerin. haha.
den we started lifegame immediately, started with the immigration screening, it was so peculiar. haha.
den we went straight into the game after that. met my dorm mates and went absolutely nuts with miwie, yizhen, kerin and candice.

2nd day:
cont with life game, so many unexpected things happened on the 2nd day. ended the day by talking into the night with abundant life ministries girls. haha, lydia, debra, bernice, jun may, valerie. haha.

3rd day:
cont with game, VERY UNEXPECTED HAPPENED, and i got "married" to ziyi, after 3 cycles, which totally took my life away. i was like marriage background for like EVER. haha.
den after that cried a little here and there. i was controlling my tears so much. hahaha. den night came and we went crazy, I DIDNT NOT SLEEP, i repeat not a wink. haha.
the night i can blog abt it. haha.

so last night of camp, as usual, did not sleep. at 1st went downstairs with yizhen, minwei, candice and the guys. cause wanted to play captian's ball in the dark. but couldnt cause too dark and the ball lend to ABLM people. den went to sit in the cool cool night outside, the bench there. so cold. haha. sat there with weijing, watched the stars. and i felt as if Angels were looking down over me. i felt so overwhelmed by God's creation. haha. den after like what seemed forever, me and weijing went back into the building den sat down and he went to play cards, i went to talk to weifu, minwei, cheryl, xinhui.

den after that i wanted to clip my hair up, so i went upstairs, was interrupted by kerin and shiying on the way up, so stopped and talked to them. well not exactly, they were making fun of me as usual.
den after that marissa asked me to play asshole taiti with eng serv ppl, so i decided to sit down and play with them. haha. then i realised what a bunch of crazy friends i just made! hahaha. we played taiti, den ziyi was like the ultimate asshole taiti king and gabriel and zihow took turns to lose. HAHAHA. so funny. i was so happy, for once i didnt become the asshole. hahaha.

den after that they ran out of things to paly, i kept suggesting we paly pepsi cola, but they keep ignoring my request. den after that we palyed truth or dare. haha. gabriel did the run across the girl's dorm shouting hurrah and he went into my dorm and said: "rise and shine" hahaha. den zihow woke candice up to say i love you. HAHA! dne marissa shake candice until she woke up den said: h sry, wrong person". hahaha. so mean, while they were doing that i was saying we shouldnt disturb sleeping ppl, and obviously they ignored my request again. :(

DEN, finally gabriel and ziyi said okay to play with me pepsi cola, i was so happy! :) yay! :)
i've been wanting to play it for so long. hahahaha :)
1st round i won! :)
den we went back and sat down and palyed heart attack. haha. zihow was so funny, he was so slow. haha.
den after that we played pepsi cola again, this time more ppl. haha. we played a few rounds, and i lost all :( always left with kerin, ziyi and one more person. hahaha.
den ziyi decided to do cartwheel and call it ONE STEP, i was so shocked, but i pretended not to be shocked. hahahaha. i dun even know why i did that. haha.

DEN, everybody decided they were tired, and sat around the table, so i sat with grace and ziyi and we talked, cause the other table was full. den i talk to grace for like a while, den grace left, so i talked to ziyi for a while also, den b4 you knew it it was 630am already. :(
so fast. haha. but i felt as if we were talking for more than that amount of time, casue it was like, i in a while never talk to someone like abt the things going through my head, so when i was tlaking to ziyi, it was like lifting 1 quarter of my load from my chest. felt so much better after that. haha. so thanks a lot ziyi :)

den next day came, packed, moved out of the dorm, sulked. cause i realised we're going back to Singapore, where all my problems lie waiting for me to solve. :(

went to awana for combine church gathering. took the biggest photo ever and went KL to shop. wah sei the place reminded me of paragon lar. cannot shop one, just go there and window shop and mke myself feel poor. hahaha.
den after that went straight back to singapore, can imagine lar, i slept almost the whole way. and also when we were in awana for combined church service, i slept EVERYTIME they prayed. hahahaha. so tired. haha.

den ytd, i had to wake up early, go CJ for choir. so very tired. and today i went to church to mug with zihow. haha. we took photos of our nanos :) hahahaha. ah wells, its late. i shall go sleep now then :)

toodles;; GOD LOVES US ALL :)
-i can only imagine.

2009-06-08T21:23:00.002+08:00

i've been feeling like listening to chinese songs recently. haha, so i was going through my chinese playlist, den i found this song! haha. i totally LOVE IT. haha.

for some weird reason, i just got myself all hooked onto it all over again. ah well, this is just one of the SHE songs i like lar. haha. rarely like any of them. hahaha. just some :)

well, maybe at the same time cause i've been thinking about some stuff. stuff i dun think i would be able to share with anyone. haha. i just don't think so. thats all ;)

落泪以前再看一眼你模糊侧脸
这会不会是最后纪念
我凝视你而你凝视着窗外的阴天
一句抱歉都僵在嘴边

我搞不懂我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后是否住着伤口
我想不通我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后是否能让什么复活

你的项链还在胸前晃动着昨天
为何回忆会让人晕眩
如果我们继续向前走进雨里面
会不会有溶解的危险

我搞不懂我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后是否住着伤口
我想不通我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后是否能让什么复活

明明从前连争执都很甜美
现在怎会说句话就能痛一遍

我搞不懂我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后是否住着伤口
我想不通我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后是否能让什么复活

okay, anyways, i have to mug! midyrs all SO on the way, i have to diet, there is church camp, and choir to juggle. noit to forget f4-2 night cylcing on wed night, den i have to wake up early to go church on thurs morning, and also T20's bbq. haha. WHOO. not to forget i still need to make time the NEXT TWO DAYS, so prepare my praiseteam for THE FIRST DAY OF CAMP. i'm SO TOASTED. and i think i havent been a good friend to so many people recently :( this is SO SO BAD. i really need God now. like really. not like i didnt need him b4, i just feel so... hmmm recently. BAH.

a mugging i will go.

2009-05-21T00:20:00.003+08:00

"…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)
indeed, that is true, i tell u God is SO AMAZING. really, i was so pissed just now, den i all of a sudden dunno thought of the verseoftheday.com website, so i went there and saw THIS:

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
— Philippians 1:21 (NIV)"

den i was like God are u telling me something? so i carry on reading the devotion material:

Thoughts on Today's Verse...

The ultimate question in each of our lives is simply this: do we have something to live for that is also worth dying for? Paul's answer is "Yes!" Christ is the answer, the reason, and the hope. Now if we can get our wills and our hearts to line up with our commitments, we can make that same statement, too!

My Prayer...

O Lord, please forgive me for the things I have done or have said that have made the work of Christ in me more difficult to see. For as many years as you give me on this earth, I want my life to be a living testimony to Jesus and his powerful grace. I do look forward, dear Father, to the day that Christ comes in victory to bring me home to you. Until that day, please use me in your service. I am thankful that no matter what may lie ahead, I know that my future is tied to your Son and my Savior. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

so i had devotion in like honestly a long time, and i have been having like very bad temper and all as well as a lot of bumps i've met these few days, just pissing me off, all of a sudden i felt an urge to look for more verses, so i googled some random thing and the verse on top on strength popped out, i was so touched, cause right now, this is really what i need, SERIOUSLY. i really need God's strength to pull through what i'm going through now, if not i'll just burst like a bubble. i'm really so tired from all the crap i've been receiving lately and all, just seeing this verse actually almost brought me to tears, i just i dunno felt so relieved after seeing this. like all of a sudden the burden, the tension, the tireness gone and i feel like i can do more. but its already so late, i dunno what can be done to save our asses from tml's situation, i'm really just gonna leave this to God now. this situation really just reminds me how useless we are, how incapable we are compared to God. and i really hope tml will turn out fine. i really need God right now. :( i'm such a bad christian, need God everytime i need him the most, and take him for granted after some time. i must change this! i changed it b4 i can do it once more! FOR GOD I LIVE :)

miss halfway

2009-05-17T22:56:00.002+08:00

suddenly feel kinda like miss halfway! haha. just like the song from grey's
sorry but the video is loong, couldnt find anything shorter than this.

Miss Halfway
You oughta hear the mirror in my house
You oughta fear her pretty, pretty mouth
Says I’m imperfect in every way:
“Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”

All my friends in L.A. got jobs on Melrose Place
I play Replacements songs and sigh-- a Waitress In The Sky

You oughta hear the things I’ve been thinking
You oughta swim in a heart that is sinking
You try to break me with all the things you say:
“Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”

Tony makes 60 K, invests in IRA’s,
But I’m busy making paper airplanes out of resumes

But I’m gonna burn, I’m gonna shine and multiply
I’m gonna fill up the great divide
You’ll never break me with all the things you say
“Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”

I’m gonna burn a pie now and then
And I’m gonna say the wrong things to your friends
I’m gonna burn and shine and multiply
And when I do, you’re gonna see me in her eyes…

I’m gonna burn and shine and multiply
I’m gonna fill up the great divide
You’ll never break me with all the things you say
Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway
Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway
Miss Halfway, Miss Halfway, Miss Halfway …

haha. oh wells, haha. nobody is perfect aye?
haha. so much homework so little time.
and yet i am falling ill. coughing my lungs out now :(
kinda sad at a sudden revelation on some thing lar. haha.
one problem better, another comes up. why cant my life be fine and dandy. den it hits me, cause i'm a christian. haha. so many trials. i shall face it with God as my sheild, or rather like this morning's sermon, for i am imperfect and a horrid sinner, i pray that God be ever so merciful and just be by my side. haha.
oh wells, bygones be bygones, the future holds much more. haha. i guess/hope.

anyways, saddd, till i can be emo! haha, cause FINLAND TRIP CANCELED. funny how life is filled with all these little ups and downs, i'm so upset. was so looking forward toit den again, cause now finland trip cancle i can go church camp, so there was a silver lining, and can feel God's plan i guess!
i shall go sleep now, drowsy medicine is killing me.

terrible terrible flu!

2009-05-12T20:21:00.003+08:00

i've got a terrible flu. nose is killing me. but i can still sing, so its alright.
had 5 stations today! i can get GOLD again. yay. :) just need 2.4 timing. hahaha. WHEEE.
deproved though, i feel. ghahaha.
46 - sit-ups (A)
40 - inclined pull ups(A)
11.3sec - shuttle run(A)
48cm - sit and reach (cant rmber i think B or smth)
1?? - standing board jump (cant rmber, just know its a C!) haha.

den 2.4 usually i get like 13 to 14 minutes, so that means, either a B or A. henceforth, i will get Gold, most prob. :)

anyways, new songs stuck in my head, one that struck me the most was Breathe by Anna Nalik

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,Hypocrites.
You're all here for the very same reason'

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.
"Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.and breathe,
just breathe
woah breathe,
just breathe,Oh breathe,
just breathe,Oh breathe, just breathe.

2009-05-10T16:21:00.004+08:00

CHOIR GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS FOR SYF. i a, so grateful to GOD. seriously :)
I LOVE MR TOH& TEACHERS. they really gave a lot for us.

but that aside, i cant blog happy stuff when i am not really happy now. soo...

i really wish i could just say to myself this is just in God's plan and i need not worry about this matter, but this is not getting anywhere better, i feel like i've been left stranded on an island, and you've moved on, but on the opposite direction, a different direction from me. and everytime i try to jump onto your island i am pushed back into the sea. i feel like i keep getting thrown off board, making me have to struggle, swimming back to the safe haven of my own, but you havent seen my side of the island, u do not know that recently my island is filled with monsters and everything and i battle them out everyday, trying not to worry about you. but sometimes i wonder if i was too late in noticing this was coming i felt it was, but i ignored it. i should have trusted my intuition. i should not have done anything to bridge our islands at the 1st place, i should not even have approached you through that bridge. i should not have let my defences down. i should not have done any of this. this is just causing worry for me, making me feel insecure, a failure as what i am supposed to be to you. and i thorn in your life. if u seriously don't wanna talk to me, just say. if u seriously hate me but don't wanna admit it to me, just do. cause i rather i know why our bridge is burnt and why i keep drowning everytime i attempt to hop onto your island. i wanna know at least why so i can at least think about what happened. and try to mend it. you are not telling me anything, and it brings me to tears. tesday was good, i cried everything out. i never cry in public easily. but i cried cause of my test and you. and then i cried even harder when i realised there was so many monsters i still have to get rid of. i am weak. i am nothing without God. i thank him a million times that at least i still have him, minwei and some school friends. so many things around me seems to be collapsing to not go in the right direction. i feel as if i'm being consumed in a fire, so hot, so strong, but yet it burns only my skin and flesh, slowly, and painfully. i wish this pain would just go away. God give me the strength to pull through i know i can only find the strength from you. the more i know the more i know it'll pain me. but i rather feel awlful now den later. at least i can do smth. i want to do smth. please let me. tell me your wearies and your woes. tell me what's disturbing you. tell me why u give me that heart-stabbing expression. tell me why. don't runaway from this problem, don't let what u fear win, oversome it, and u will be victorious over it. and u will know u can face even more next time. i know u have the capacity to. tell me, please talk to me. normally.

2009-03-07T19:23:00.003+08:00

yesterday met a couple of people from F4/2 '08 :)
TOTALLY TOTALLY MISSED THEM :)
hahaha, and also friends like wenliang, chee heng, ms ng, juniors like ee hui, gladys, etc etc. SO MANY, :)

hahaha. talked to mdn sng, did a bit of chem hw, ate dinner which was HILARIOUS den went to church for children's choir.

haha, i really miss sec school days, but i'm not regretting CJC life either :P hahaha
oh man, i like TOTALLY LOST MY VOICE, i have like a husky husky voice now, please i hope it'll go away, please let it be gone by monday if not i'll be croaking in school and living up to my new nickname frog. hahaha, HOW DO I LOOK LIKE A FROG, THANKS A LOT YUANZHENG. =.=

anyways, had choir just now, didnt sing obviously. hahaha, sat out and all. den came home realised my younger sister playing with this thingie on my elder sister's laptop called some online karaoke thingie, damn cool, but i cant play i shall and post the site when my voice comes back. hahaha.

ENJOY PICTURES :) btw, ME AND EUGENE, NOT ROMANTIC.

PHOTOS!

2009-03-04T21:48:00.002+08:00

OHMYGOODNESS! PHOTOS! from eugene phone :)

CROSSCOUNTRY:D

2009-03-04T21:03:00.002+08:00

today had cross country :)
ran but was like having flu. so like cant really run properly.
sadly didnt get any placing as well :(

ohh wells, tml have lessons as usual and CAs are in ONE WEEK.
whoo~
must mug :)
i will mug mug mug :)

just watched this parody of dracula, suppeeerrr funny. hahaha.
and i all of a sudden keep thinking abt this song by chris tomlin: come home running :)
ENJOY :)

not fine

2009-03-02T22:24:00.002+08:00

things hasnt really been working out for me recently, keep on bad mood.
and so many things just keep popping up. i cant stand it. SO IRRITATING.

i feel damn crap can, somewhat keep having that outcast feeling, i also dunno why.
somehow that feeling keeps getting stronger everyday. also the i'm invisible feeling and insignificant feeling.

so super emo feeling. but i am not the type. this is so crazy, but i dun feel like the huilun i am in sec sch. everything just seems so tiring, not enough sleep, everyday chiong hw, still need to make space to socialise, i cant possibly just stop socialising, its part of my daily life, so must make sacrifices, but also cant sacrifice too much cause i've got many commiments. somehow also got that i don't like u vibe from some people that i never expect it to come from recently. dunno why just super headache, and super grahhh. and my brother just worsen it earlier tonight, so i shall just be pissed and all for now. GRAHHH. i really need to pray. :(

CHOIR&ROCKEFELLA

2009-02-25T21:05:00.002+08:00

so excited! rockefella coming, gonna go watch jeremy, kenny, eugene and zack perf :)

SO AWESOME..(not) J2s gonna take leave from choir for abt one to longest two weeks.
J1s ARE SO GONNA GET TRASHED BY MR TOH.

WHOOO~ we are so dead :X

anyways, school has been like hardcore. so long no hardcore schooling. so whee yah.
OHMYGOODNESS, my class super funny. except for some lar. but what to do, we will learn to accept one another and tolerate each other. though sometimes it just kills me to simply ignore and focus cause i SERIOUSLY CANT. thanks a lot for blahblahblah-ing.

BUT! WE(or rather I) SHALL TOLERATE! but i must rant once in a while if not i will explode.
haha.

&AHH~ me and keith has some similarity when it comes to a specific issue. well, i still beat him hands down. MUAHAHAHAHA. but not really in a good way.
anyways, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO SHAWN AND JEANETTE! haha. shawn kena the pond and cake and a taupok at the quad. jeanette got a nice card and barely cake on her face. haha. so funny.

OH! the new seating arrangement is sorta sad, i used to sit so close to jeanette, ian and steve ALSO KNOWN AS: KOBI OREO AND BISCUIT! and i and BOUNCY. haha. so funny, go figure ;)

WOO~ i everynight like choing hw SO WHAT AM I STILL DOING BLOGGING! O.o
i shall say this:
"i will not be able to blog"

ANDAND! I MISS YUXIU! MY BELOVED DUCKY! AND CLARA! AND SHERYL AND ARILYN AND QIUTING! AND JUNTIAN! AND LYCIA! AND GMCHOIR! AND MS NG! AND ALL MY LOVELY LOVELY CLASSMATES :D i dunno why but i miss them terribly all of a sudden:(

OHYAH. i helped dora for her audition for music ministry ytd :D so fun :D we like sang after the teachers left just sat there, she play piano and sing with me :)

anyways, must go choing hw.
RANDOM NOTE:
NICOLE IS SIMPLY THE CUTEST!

BIGGEST LOSER IN THE WORLD

2009-02-14T22:03:00.002+08:00

okay, i really feel like the biggest loser in the world, first i made a big =.= of myslef in class, den today went for IG valentines day breakfast, and i made a fool of myslef again, once when jeremy came with the bouquet for diane, and 2nd when i got lost in orchard.
den i realised i didnt bring the harddrive out, so in praise team, got no ppt. =.=

den the past week, i was like grahh, keep on make a fool of myself everywhere i went, and the worst part is i'm falling ill right this instance :(

well, God is still wonderful no matter what, praise team was AWESOME. hhahaha :D

school has been getting better day by day, well at least my class lar. choir is also fun lar, so i love all, hahaha. :D

anyway, super tired, and having flu, MUST SLEEP NOW, or soon, NITEY NITES!

I STILL LOVE IG25!

2009-02-08T21:17:00.003+08:00

TODAY IN CHURCH, me and DORA danced the mass dance!
hahaha. only the indian part lar, cause that part every year never change one.
hahahaha! so fun! :D

anyways, today had buffet lunch with family and den loh hay-ed.
den when home at abt 4pm and slept until 7 plus-ish.

now like bathed, checking stuff to like bring tml and getting ready for first day of school officailly with lessons! hahaha.

oh wells, took photos today, in dora's phone. haha.
so i want it soon!

ruiqi! don't be sad lars! i'm sure it'll get better :D I LOVE YOU! :D PRAY OKAY :D

IG25 ROCKS

2009-02-07T22:51:00.002+08:00

OHMYYAYNESS!
i so totally love my IG, like seriously! IG25 ROCKS MAN.
haha.

orientation at CJC is like awesome-ness.
haha. i like so totally lost my voice.
and ATHENA like totally rocks.
haha.

today last day of orientation :(
IG25 went for dinner together, i didnt, had church steamboat, in a way i was sad and happy. haha.

i totally love 1520, so steamboat was awesome too. but i aso totally love IG25, so not going dinner with them was sad. haha.

and IG25 facils are damn super, they may not shout as loud as like some other facils but they are so much nicer and i dunno just make me feel more welcomed. lol. :D

anyways, tml got church~ this whole week has just been orientation, so today last day, i got into H2: phy chem math, H1: econs.

so not so bad lar, my 1st choice. most =.= thing is that i same class a keith, well. its not that all bad, but there is a reason why it is a "=.=" reaction.
and if u ask me i will tell you. haha.

AND! today during finale night supppeeer funny, hong ru and monisha was like asking WHAT IS PCC, out loud, me and eugene, kenny, jeffrey and like i think other guys was like laughing like crap. hahaha.

in CJ, pcc is pastoral care comm, but to boys pcc is smth much more. hahahaha.
so oh wells, it was super funny. hahaha :P

oh yeah, arrun or i dunno how to spell his name =.= (SORRY)
is like in my school, we are the only GM people there :S
oh wells, hahaha, at least my unglam nicknames aint following me to CJ! hahahaha :D

well, wanna go sleep liao :D GOOD NIGHT!

;;TOODLES<3!

2009-01-26T17:13:00.005+08:00

YAY YAY! CHINESE NEW YEAR. :D

PHOTOS PHOTOS PHOTOS!

MOREMORE MORE! i wanna take more, shall post soon. :D
so far only kope photos from gideon, i'll be waiting for xinyi and sheila to send me photos too! so cool today, me, blod and sheila wear the same dress! :D yay!

ohh wells, here are photos of my wonderful wonderful cousin nicole!

haha. anyways, tml still going malyasia, so if u cant reach me sorry :P
i'm gonna go watch tv :D
i will blog when i have more photos!

~TOODLES!<3

all about being GREY

2009-01-18T17:31:00.003+08:00

Meredith Grey: Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.

Meredith Grey: "After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here’s what I've decided. There's no such thing as a grown-up. We move out, we move away from our families. But the basic insecurities, the fears and all the old wounds just grow up with us. Just when you think life has forced you to truly become an adult, your mother says something like that. We get bigger, taller, older. But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in."

actually not really in the mood to blog, but i shall.

sat, went choir, met Gideon and his friend Sebastian at geylang east library, den ate dinner den went to church for the mission conference. haha. so funny.

sunday, went CHURCH:D, ate lunch with mum again(WHICH SO DOES NOT MAKE ME A LOSER GIDEON) den came home watched grey's anatomy. IT WAS SO AWWW. lets just say i cried through 2 episodes. hahaha.

anyway, i'm all abt Grey's now. cause i just finish watching it mah. haha. well, here are some GREY'S QUOTES!

Meredith Grey: At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.

Meredith Grey: You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

Meredith Grey: Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

upset&grateful

2009-01-13T13:48:00.002+08:00

i shall start with, GIDEON SIM, GET WELL SOON :D
NO MORE CHILLI FOR YOU! hahahaha.

yes, O level results are out.
no, i'm not too happy.
yes, i'm still going CJC
no, i like it there.
yes, i'm gonna work harder.
no, i'm not depressed just upset.

okay, results? not too good.
L1R4: 12, L1R5: 15

i never thought i'll get this high, cause i like just touched the self-expectation line, so BAH. well, once i'm done wallowing in sorrow, i am now rejoicing cause at least i still get to go CJ and well, that means i did smth right to be kiasu, so to say. but i never really was happy with ppl keep on telling me i dun need to work hard cause i'm DSA student, well i proved them wrong didnt i?

i studied like friggin hard and i got 15. so if i didnt DSA, i think i'ld be going poly. it was a leapt for me and i'm glad, i don't regret it cause the ppl there are nice and cool. well, i figure that since this is what i got, there's nothign to change it, dissapointed? yes.

BUT yet i am grateful. cause i believe like, whatever God has in plan for me, i'll be ready. right now, i just hope i can do well for A levels, dunno lar, so scary, why cant i just have "xiao chong ming" like my siblings, sometimes, i wonder why i work so hard for. th answer never really comes, but i still do. haha.

oh wells, God is wonderful, and he will guide me as life goes, so wherever and whatever happens, i shall not complain, haha. CAUSE ONE OF MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTION is to rejoice and be thankful no matter what. haha. PLACING MY ALL WITH GOD :D not to forget not to gossip :P,

oh wells, off i go, to play peiyong's PSP! haha.

2009-01-04T21:53:00.003+08:00

LUNNIE HAS FALLEN ILL ONCE MORE, i dunno what i'm gonna do. but i dun wanna go to the doctors!

i'm so sad! i dun wanna see the doctor, NO. NO. NO!

anyways, pass few days had church "retreat" more like church MEETINGS. haha.
but it is always fun during church meetings, a litlle boring, serious and fun. haha. :D

anyways, i'm so sad i cldnt go to faith4/2's steamboat. :(
GRAHHHH.

anyways, got gideon's PSP to play! so i've got some compensation, if not i damn bored man... hahaha.

but ohh! today was so wonderful! THANKYOU GOD. haha.

i'm like sick right, but praise team was awesome, i like cant pray in chinese usually hor, i prayed into the mic in chinese today! i like didnt prepare for cell today, but we smoked through extremely well and everybody had fun! i like had technical difficulties with my ppt, THANK YOU GOD xinhua broguth her laptop and mushi had his thumbdrive! :D WHOO!
life is GREAT WITH GOD!

anyways, off to bed!

TOODLES;;

2009-01-02T10:01:00.002+08:00

ohmygosh. although i'm not at school i still have so much things to deal with! grahh!
my brother, CJchoir, EPA mtgs, church stuff. again, same as usual, i have totally 0% of my time for my social life, i already made appointments with my friends, in which i sorta owed them, cause in a way i didnt go out with any of them since mid yrs like that, i finally went out with gid and wicheng only and i now have to cancel my plans with charis and yuxiu and again with gid and minwei for dinner tonight. and with huiyu and ms ng for the CCA niche selection thingie, there is so much i can say to the Sec1s during their orientation! i really wanna go, i really wanna go and talk to them and all.

though i might sound like a silly sec4 that cant let go of her disgusting secondary school life and keep going back, at least it is doing smth i enjoy! sure i do enjoy my other commitments, but it is still a freaking transition i'm not used to yet okay? sheesh. UNDERSTAND THAT. i'm not used to sudden practices and all, i'm used to fixed practices, okay, since i have given up my time and all and said okay, i'll join and i'll commit, but i havent exactly fit in if u look carefully, i havent exactly stepped out of my comfort zone, i am getting there, but not yet, so can u please just give me a freaking moment to rant and sort out my thoughts and priorities?

yes, i've made this commitment, so i shall go for choir, nothing else said, i shall.
just go because i've made a new commitment and i shall continue with it. calling the teacher and telling her that i still have another life in sec school wont help. she doesnt understand from what i've seen.

they don't understand, they think that i have a life dedicated wholey to CJ already, so THEY DONT UNDERSTAND. i will just subcomb to whatever fate i led myself into. i havent gone out in almost a year. cause i said i commit to several things. i said i can cope and i did. i made space for all these things, i did. if i did it last year, i can do it again. don't think for one second that i will give in and crumble, no matter how hard the tasks i receive i will rejoice in it and praise God for giving me such a difficult task in the end, all these won't break me down, i will survive and i will show u that i can cope.

i am commited and i will forgo many things. just you wait, i'm not that DSA girl u assume cant do nothing. i can do all that i promised cause i have God, i will forgo my social life first just so u know, so friends i may not be able to go out but i will still try. fix a time first, if i can make it i will. i will be strong, i will rejoice. GRAHHHH.

2009-01-01T14:58:00.010+08:00

YESYES! i am updating again, ahahahaha.

as promised! PHOTOS! before that, i shall just say this!
haha, today went marina barrage.

haha. it was kinda fun. next time 1520 can go there, very pleasant there. :D
its so fun to run about there. hahaha.

nice right :D, hahahaha. a lot of wind. :D

it was like fun. :D hahaha. okay, some nice korea photos!
i shall only put SOME, the rest please go facebook see :D
here are the links to my facebook korea albums :D -- link1 , link2, link3, link4, link5

hahaha! somany photos!
anyways, since this is a new year, things i want :D >>
1) O level results to be LI XIANG
2)to grow into a even better christian
3)enjoy and adapt to JC life
4)organise cell group outing!
5)new watch
6)new handphone(which is not very possible!)haha

hahahahahahaha.
many more perhaps, but so far, i'm limiting myself to this, cant be too greedy ehh. haha.

anyways, frankly speaking i'm pretty satisfied with what i've got now. so i dun really need anth. :D

cause i've got GOD! :D
haha. anyways, this year has been hectic and tiring, but i like really learnt a lot and grew too. maybe not physically, but mentally and spiritually and i hope the new batch of 1520-ers that are coming up would grow too :D

anyways, last night slept at like 4.30am, i should like take a nap before dinner! hahaha.

2008-12-29T18:58:00.002+08:00

yesyes, hello :D

i shall blog, after such a very long time, yes and after the many complaints for me to update. haha.

anyways, today went out with weicheng and gideon to watch twilight. haha.
not bad, but true blood's, Bill is so much HOTTER. haha.

while waiting for our movie to start they were playing Angus Thongs and the Perfect Snogging sountrack. haha.

i watched it on the plane already, so yeah. LOVED IT. haha.
oh yar! i havent blogged abt my KOREA trip! haha.
i shall TRY MY BEST TO UPLOAD PHOTOS! haha.

KOREA IS SO SO SO SO FUN!
i so loved it there! haha.
nought lots of stuff, sheryl fell down, super cold, sat on my first roller coaster ride, ate ice cream in the cold cold weather, wee keng kept freezing, watched like tons of movies in the plane, love our driver and our tour guide(miss them so totally a lot!), bought cute stuff, shopped, ate piping hot food while shopping, ate all the korean food, i've dreamt of eating, had fun and BONDED :D

EPA'08 people are so FUN :D
haha. and did i mention i got sabo-ed to be the EPA presentor with gary cause i was down in church camp. :(

haha.
ohwells :D

next had CHURCH CAMP :D
1520's STEP UP FOR GOD CAMP!
it rocked the house man! My cell group won! :D we had lots of fun, skit and all. i heard lynnette has a recording of it! YAY! jovan was suuupeeerrr funny, xinhua too, and my cell group! weiting, jiaen, trina, yunling! they were all so sporting! haha! :D
YAY US! <3
sure there were many stuff that didnt work out as we expected, but ohh wells! it was still a huge overall success thanks to GOD! :D

NEXT!!!! CCIS <3
SO FUN, like every single year, practice practice practice, sing sing, perform perform perform. haha.
so my WHOLE holiday was like taken up by reward trip, camp and CCIS, next i got church retreat, well, not exactly, its more like 1520 com camp. haha.

i heard JC will start school on 4th feb, we should get our results back before chinese new year, and ii hope i do well :P
haha. anyways, ytd played monopoly the singapore version with my siblings for abt 3 hours! haha.
so fun! i won :D haha.
shall play it in countdown :D haha.

ohh wells, weiling wants to play club penguin. haha.

;;TOODLES! <3

2008-12-27T17:56:00.001+08:00

CHANGED BLOGSKIN. SO HAPPY NOW! :D

yay!
gonna be busy again, after christmas and all, photos in facebook! haha.
i hope O level results wont be TOO scary! haha.

;;TOODLES!

2008-11-25T19:01:00.012+08:00

PROM PHOTOS! ENJOY :D

looking at these photos make me miss f4/2! haha.
and i want our class bbq photos MAN!

going to korea soon :D cant wait!
i've been like super moody recently like fluctuating moods.
NON-STOP. so easy to angry and all. so totally not like what the bible says. haha. slow to angry. i MUST do that. and i've been like so grahh.
i like hate my own behaviour. i must PRAY and CHANGE. :(

yay! sharing bunk with juntian for korea tri, simin has officailly joined my church, next have to bring calysta to church, and 1520 camp coming up, so is CCIS, and the hallelujah concert this sunday, plus 1520 sentosa outing, plus korea trip.
ohmys. not to forget CJC choir started already. haha.

CJC choir is so funny. haha. they are so friendly too. haha. cant wait to journey with them down the next 2 up coming years. well, i hope everything works out fine. :(

"God is my strength and my refuge"

2008-09-04T23:20:00.002+08:00

haha. since that certain someone called me to update yet again. i shall.
haha. update to inform ya'll that i'll not be blogging anytime soon.
haha.
prelims mah.
haha..

anyway.
had 1520 leadership training on mon night.
haha.

it was fun :D
me and sheila organised our group already.
haha.

YAY:D
ILOVESHEILA.
haha.

i miss guitar hero D:
haha.

nvm, after prelims, i'll dedicate one day to play :D

haha.
anyways, gotta go sleep :D

till next time :D

GODLOVESYOU!

2008-08-21T22:23:00.002+08:00

haha. because a certain some one told me to update!

haha.
well, tue was my BELOVED mummy's! birthday!
i couldnt give her anth, with such pressing times and all, so i gave her my math test resuts!
haha. i like got like 66/70 or 75. cant rmber, but i know score very high, higher den i expected can liao, den i give her see. haha.

anyways, besides that, today no PE. :(
and well. the STUPID PIG SPAT WATER ON ME.
now i fear i'll get face infection or somesort.
haha.

but its okay, I FORGIVE YOU LIANG QUAN.
haha.
oh wells, boys will be boys.
my new seating arrangement, is stupid yet so utterly fun. yet so utterly disturbing. and yet so utterly friendly.

like i'm away from all the female dog-eat-dog world and entered a more hey-dude-lets-help-one-another-out zone.
hahaha.

i have to admit, the class boys are very funny and very willing to help, i just need to ask.
haha.

BUT! they are childish, thats a fact, but thats what makes them so indifferent!
haha.

oh wells, they will grow up someday, go NS and date, get married and still behave childishly.
haha.

i can still see that in many older men, example, my dad, some church friends parents, etc.
haha.
but life wouldnt be as interesting without that touch and spark of childishness,
haha.

anyways, i'm like at a lost, and i shall pray for a fellow friend. and i dunno what to do, but pray.
at times like these, i can really only pray.
haha.

OHHOHH!! and zan mei zi quan's new song! wo men de ai neng gai bian shi jie.
its SO SO SO nice.
haha
wanted to share it with somebody, but i guess, i dunno if it'll be appropriate anymore, just gotta wait and leave everything in God's Hands.
haha.

life can be much sweeter if only i have the willpower to continue making it seem that way. but unfortunately, i'm tired and weared out, and the only person i can go to is God and i'm so tired of trying to cheer people up, trying to lighten certain moods, putting my shoes in theirs, stooping down to their level, their thinking, their perception,etc. that i dunno if this continues, my patience would run dry, i would lose this cheerful side of me and be some retarded emo-kid.

I NEED GOD!

i stumbled upon these:

The mythical good Christian tries to act like a mature believer but is really a child at heart because his life revolves around "what feels good for me." He fails to accept responsibility for the maturity of others in the church

Jesus said, "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." (Luke 19:10 NIV) Lost people matter to good Christians.

As the message of Jesus power to save and change lives spreads, society responds in positive right ways. Close the church and muffle it's voice and a dead, hopeless society emerges where evil men take control.

Beware of the trap of creating our own definitions. A popular exercise today is to create definitions based on our feelings. Jesus is the best person to define a good Christian because He started the Christian church. The term Christian was first used at Antioch "The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch." (Acts 11:26 NIV)

and i found this rather interesting:

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN STRENGTH AND COURAGE

It takes strength to be firm.
It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to stand guard.
It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to conquer.
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain.
It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in.
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend's pain.
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide feelings.
It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to endure abuse.
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone.
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love.
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive.
It takes courage to live.

Written by: Tommy S. West

haha.
but are we really all that good christians?
i mean, we define it ourselves and all, can we really be good christians?
we can!
of course we can! its just the matter of whether or not u decide to surrender to God aint it?

you have a life flourished, blessed by God, so u can make decisions, decisions u can never really comprehend at times. and one of them is to surrender totally to him and let him work you. we should just lay it in God's hands for him to mould us and change us to his image or rather the way in which he wants us to be.

so basically, its all about whether u want to surrender your life totally to God, no questions asked. i have! :D

2008-08-11T22:49:00.001+08:00

HAHA.
maylaysia, geography excursion.
haha.

me and sheryl.
haha.
oh mys, i look retarded.
haha/

2008-08-11T18:54:00.003+08:00

THIS PHOTO IS NOT PHOTO-SHOPED!
but it looks nice right, haha, this was our FIRST cell group outing manze!
haha. this is the only nice photo with me okay, the rest i looked to toot.

haha!
this was what happened on sunday^^

oh wells, this morning, i woke up and found pimples on my face, i guess its GIDEON'S OILY HANDS!

haha.
&&!

STEPHEN TONG RALLY COMING!
i'm so gonna ask my friends! ^^

random photos of me and xinyi long time ago! haha!

SIGNING OUT, LOVE ME

ILOVEYIZHENtoo!

2008-08-09T19:19:00.002+08:00

haha. i wanna change my blogskin.
haha.
i need to find one 1st.

however!
no time.
need to mug.
haha.

anways, my brother recently downloaded ancient maple and i'm like hooked.
dang.
wrong timing can. T.T

BUT! i can control myself thank goodness.
i'm like a level 150 Bishop liao!
whoots!
haha

still using my old name Lothian.
haha.
ohwells,

i have to mug.

PRELIMS ARE COMING.
PANIC PANIC!

haha.
and and!

today went for the Worship Seminar.
it was good man. very.

haha.
well, i feel we complain about stuff a bit too much don'cha think?
haha.

like we are never satisfied.
but we always gotta bear in mind WHO are we doing this for, all the prep for service, all the praise team prep, all the costructive criticism
from others, we should just accept, digest(or not) and try to satisfy the needs of OTHERS instead of ourselves.
haha.

if not, we'll be the same like anyone else, self-centered.
where actually, we as christians(disciples of God) should be satisfying the needs of others instead! haha.

ohwells, gotta go mug liao.
hahas!

HUILUN HAS TO MUG!

2008-08-05T22:01:00.002+08:00

can you please tell me if there is smth wrong?
this is utterly odd.
i dunno why but it just is, i cant seem to place my finger, pin-point this utterly inane and stupid feeling.

its stupid, it really is, all those fairytales in primary seemed to come true in sec sch, however there seems to be so much to carry along, so much baggage to handle, so confusing everything.

i'm a bloody novice at this, unsure, uncertain.
i used to be able to predict and read ppl so well, what happened?

this is like some kind of emo post but i dunno why.
please stop looking at me with those eyes, why cant i read u when u are okay.
i can only read u when u seem to have smth against me.
every look is like some kind of a pierce.

can u just. grahhh.
i dunno
u know what, i give up, trying to lighten the mood at times,
i'm not huilun-the pro social butterfly.
even pro socialist get tired.

dun make me feel like crying, cause i cry easily.
i cry but no one knows,

dun make me feel awful cause u are.
den make this an unhappy thing.

i feel like i'm solving a problem and suppressing another,
i cant block myself from all the world and all.
i cant block myself frm esp the coldness u bring.

stop it.
just give all of us a break.

but however, i think u're just doing this to me.

cry cry cry.
i'm so useless.

grahh.

GOD HELP ME. HELP ME TO STOP FEELING SO USELESS.

2008-07-21T18:52:00.000+08:00

haha! i've uploaded many photos. haha, i hope u guys will like them^^

anyways, great perf! haha. and pictures as promised.they can all be found in my 4shared.

heres the link^^: GMchoir heartland concert

2008-07-20T20:47:00.001+08:00

YAY. i made 3 collages for choir. i dunno how, but i'll try to print it out and pin it on the choir noticeboard! haha. ^^

I MISS AND SO TOTALLY LOVE CHOIR. <3>

2008-07-07T18:32:00.002+08:00

BEFORE

AFTER

MY HAIR IS SHORT NOW.

well not very OBVIOUS chort, but short enough that i cant twirl my hair like the second photo anymore! T.T

haha. but i like it, it feels so light.
haha.
scully i like lost weight cause of my hair!
NOW THAT WILL BE HILARIOUS.

REPLYING WEICHENG:
yes? what is it? just message u lar.
i wont reply unless i think it gives me enough reason to reply, cause u messaged me DURING mudao.
den i was like okay..
cause u are sitting right behind me mah...
=.=
what am i supposed to do?
i very thrifty one okay.
haha.

2008-06-26T22:22:00.002+08:00

grahh. today had chinese O level oral. i like totally screwed it.
like i was trying to keep it in and all den half way during tuition i couldnt solve this qn, and all, den i started to get pretty angry.
den i just suddenly lost it.

sometimes, its like i keep it in but i dunno that i do.
its like a subconscious thing.
its like. i dunno how to explain.

grahh.
joshua says cause i'm tired.
well thats probably what he'll say.

i dunno lar.
its like my parents keep thinking i'll score terrifically well,
my siblings keep saying i'm so darn smart.
and just cause i'm hardworking doesnt mean i score well.
see this pattern? i work darn hard and i dun do well.
its come kinda jinx lar.

no. i correct myself.
its a continuous variation. (from bio. i'm not even sure if i'm correct.)

i mean seriously.
stress thats people say.
i think its partly that. and also smth else lar.
its like i dunno how to say lar. GRAHHHH.

when i reached home, i went to greet my parents.
den as i sat on my dad's bed playing with the dog, it suddenly struck me that i have so little faith in myself in scoring well for Os.
i really think i won't be able to do it.
and apparently, my mum's words are like haunting me.
she said once that i'll never pass O levels and go IT.
i think that must have been the drive to cause me to work so hard?
or it might be cause i wanna prove her wrong
or maybe i just turned out to be able to work hard?
i dunno
i just dun wanna think abt it right now.

bed, here i come.

2008-06-15T16:06:00.004+08:00

here are some random photos i found! hahahaha.
upload more some other time.
btw people, do NOT message or call me. me phone is on the way to spore from malaysia, and thats another story i'll love to tell another time. haha.

2008-06-07T08:21:00.004+08:00

CUTE RIGHT? this little girl is wearing a HANBOK! haha
okie
haha. since some ppl have asked me to post some pictures, here goes nothing. and NO, they are not pictures of HERBIVOURS.

2008-06-01T20:14:00.002+08:00

JUSTICE HAS BEEN SET FOR US STUDENTS!

there is a news article in some page of the news paper.
its refering to us students as the MOE has set too difficult papers for us.
its definitely demoralizing and definitely upsetting, definitely self-esteem destruction when we get such demoralizing results from school tests and blah.
and of course, our parents say we aint putting enough effort.

AND JUSTICE IS DEFINITELY HERE! hahahahahahaha YAY! ^^

2008-05-28T18:54:00.002+08:00

can i make a statement?
i shall.
relationships (SOCIAL) are difficult to comprehend.
sometimes, friends dont seem to be who they are.
if so, just close one eye.
why bother trying so hard to find out why is she/he behaving this way.
go think from their point of view.
and instead of asking WHY are they behaving this way.
ask... u know what, don't EVEN ask.
just live with it.
its not like u can change a friend. can u?
unless u are in some kind of a movie and u are a super influential person.
and all the girls wear pink dresses and the guys-tux.
u so happen to be the princess or queen and u have everyone agreeing and listening to YOUR opinion or point of view.

thats the negative of fairy-tales.
haha.
so as growing, maturing brats, (if i would say so myself) like me and you, we should try not to live in the world where everybody listens to ur opinion and moves to groove your way.
after going through so much friendship problem since pri school, the stupid thing cant seem to leave me. there seems to be some kind of curse.

like my close friends will eventually leave me and betray me or just give me the COLD COLD shoulder.
i rather they leave/betray den gimme the cold shoulder.
the cold shoulder is so much worse.

anyways. if u cant understand or rather cant get onto the same wavelength as the other person, dont create war cause u dun understand why he/she is behaving like that.
but try to close one eye. or if u really want the friendship to work out? aka salvaging it, be humble to him/her, just play the listener/obeyer/inferior.
let him//her be the superior for a while and see where is he/she actually heading.
i mean there are many many ways.
but so far these are the few that worked for me.
hahaha

oh well, i would gladly rant the the clock is ticking.haha

there is this misconception that as long as u are hard working u are SMART.
well, hello there, i am not smart.
but i hear i'm hardworking.

stop saying i'm smart lar will ya.
i know i'm dumb and i know i'm slow. if u keep saying i'm smart, i'm flattered. i really am. but sometimes, this gotta stop.

its as if, i'm either some kind of HUGE competition or i'm some self-centered, self-whatever person that PRETENDS to be stupid.
grahh.

stop it.
like seriously.

if u are able to label me pretentious, u yourself is pretentious.
sheesh!
pot calling a kettle black!

God gave me a limited intelligence.
i'm so far fine with that, cause i managed to accept the fact and live life as it is.
if u keep teeing me i can extend that level of intelligence, i must be a GENIUS!

apparently, i'm not. so stop it.

grahhhhhhhh.

2008-05-23T17:45:00.003+08:00

my dear girl,

life is full of ups and downs, its like driving on a never ending road.
its hot and stuffy out there, but in your car, u feel secure and very safe, then there tends to be bumps on the road and all, there are just minor trips. u wont crash or anything.
but when it comes to a major bump, like such which u are going through, gossips, politics,etc..
u may crash and it may lead to a road accident, clean off the dust, shrug it off, pick yourself up and continue with your road.
the accident may rob u of your ride, but not you legs.
walk, hop, run if u want to.

smile my dear, at the troubles u encounter and carry on.
there will be your friends and family to help you through.
some things are better confided to your friends. and you have us,
if u really feel like the place aint for u, just pull through, its the final lap, one more year.
dun wallow with deep sorrow and regret or fall into depression just cause they managed to succeed in slowing you down.

the 2 people that i now u talked to me about.
they too are under pressure, u dunt know what is going through them, leave them alone.
u may wanna find out what's bothering them but they might understand that.

but your friends might not.
turn to their angle.
let your friends call u a "traitor" cause at the end, u'll not only find out what's bothering them u might even clear the doubts and pain within that place.
i would gladly help u be your negotiator or smth.
but u have to have lots of patience and keep the rest of the board off their backs in temr sof gossips and all.
they are very troubled. very.
i just spoke to them today.
haha.

so my dear, don't be emo okay?
not good. hahaa
u know sometimes, they don't know that their actions will result in this outcome whereby everybody isnt satisfied. this is what happens in society.
they are unaware of their surroundings cause they are "powerpeople" (you may call them)
but because of that fact, they are stressed troubled.
as (not really to say a close friend) just be there for them if they come to u to confide, if not just smile and try to get over with it.

continue to be friends. not colleagues.
the head will once u gain her fullest trust but the other wont.
cause the other only confides in either me or someone else.
haha.

they are both difficult to trust others.
so they require more time.
okay?

dun emo emo lar.
haha.
at the most u sing some of our choir songs la.
haha.
okay? LOVES!!

anyways. i stumbled upon a real nice song. and i love it.
thankyou 987fm!
hahaha

Secondhand Serenade - Fall For You

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

2008-05-23T06:20:00.002+08:00

i'm now waiting for my dad to get ready so that we can head off to school.
today is t-shirt day.

i can wear coloured ankle socks!
i was putting on my socks when i realized somthing.
i've been wearing my rainbow socks to school every friday.
or my purple socks.

correction! my coloured ankle-TOE socks.
hahah

den a thought hit me, what if we could wear coloured socks to school all the tme, i'll probably wear the emotions or feelings i have on that day on my toes,
no one can see it can they?
haha
no one actually wonders if there's a link to the colour of your socks and you feeling for that day.

actually i realized that when i wear my normal socks, on the day, i'll be tired, sleepy.
but when i wear my rainbow socks i'm up and down. hahahahaha.

havent exactly thought about it till today.
i'm such a WEIRDO RIGHT?
nothing to do think about my socks.
cause its so PRETTY!

haha. so i guess, this doesnt really make sense cause i'm just crapping, waiting for time to pass.
lesson learnt: i'm rather lame when i'm bored.
haha