CHRIST THE LORD;;my saviour

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Goodness me. Cant u like stop calling me stupid already?!
grahh
this is beginning to kill me.
I use to think thAt its because there's some communication barrier or smth.
like not anymore lar.
its cleary that u don't listen to me and u think that u know me inside out and that u can control my life and all.
Sure.
I can empathize that u think I'm very stressed and wanna lift up a bit of my burden since this year is my Os buden im still in sec ACH, I still have a life, I'm still striving for things I want and all. So please stop trying to restrict me and all and let me handle my stress myself and all. Its like the way I study and all is difersnt from what u expect and what u see frm my two elder and very smart siblings. So stop comparing.
Tonight u admitted that of was precisely that I'm not as smart as them and that I can't MANAGE my TIME. Again with the time ting! GRAHHHHH!

That was exactly from your lips okay. I remember exactly what u said. Its like so hurtful and so demoralizing. Not like I'm not doing my best and all. And apparently I'm stupid and a money-draining daughter. GRAHH!

I'm not the one taking money frm u constantly. I'm even afraid to ask for just $5 extra. U keep saying we're taking money frm u. FYI I don't. I pay for a lot of things myself okay.

Also, mr I can totally sympathize with u but wait I'm busy with smth else- I'll comfort u some other time. If u like helping me and all then help. Its like whatthe. If not stay away frm me. If not u can just go die la. GRAHH!

I wanna cry larssssss.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

i need to pray

oh mys. its been such a long time since i blogged. haha

anyhoos, after the long disappearance of my blog i doubt there'll be any body reading anymore.

i'm studying for bio now.
todays chem SPA was nearly screwed.
haha

updates!
ONE TERM IS GONE.
it is like so damn fast.
i cant stand it.
is it me?

grahhh.
time's a running!
and its like running real fast.

haha, muttons so ridiculous.

anyhoos,
i've been improving STAGGERING-ly.
hopefully by Os i'll be at the IMPROVED stage
just hopefully

and why everyone keep saying i'm not putting enough effort or i dunno how to manage my time
its not my fault my life has many sudden events coming up.

its not my fault that i have to go for them cause they are kinda compulsory.
i cant stand it lars.

its like i cant even blog.
haha.
or go out.
or play.

i wonder how the others students and do everything in time lars. T.T
i asked a few. they can cause they:
#1. no CCA.
#2. no church commitment (as in church committee or anth)
#3. not christian
#4. has tuition
#5. dropped a lot of things they use to take

for me i've done #5 only.
coze tuition just doesnt work for me.

i have a CCA i'm entirely devoted to.
i am a christian with responsibilities in church which i love too.
you know serving God is a wonderful thing.
i cant drop THAT.

sheesh.

so much for time-management.
somebody even didnt go church just to study.
tsk tsk.

grahh.
church camp, choir camp.
i'm in all comms.
i really appreciate that the church camp com allowed me not to go for meeting.
i really thanku guys.
coze its like i got not enough time to do anth now, not enough time to sleep, rest on study
and guess what, i'm down with a flu AGAIN.

STUPID FLU. fly away please.

anyways.
so many issuesi'm juggling with.
lets see, hmm. a lot personal and private.
grahh

this is to one issue:

i dunno if i'm like the only one who realizes this. but please, u are my friend, i dun wanna be the only one trying to salvage our friendship.
please.
we're not outcasting u or anth, we wait for u all the time, but u seem to always go to the other person instead
why har?
we use to be able to hang out together so well. den just coze a ______ __ _____ u behave so differently.

we are trying our best to allow u into our clique, u were always in it, but u are the one not even looking at me.
u look uninterested at everything we do, are we really that lame. please lar.
we regard u as a close friend. u shldnt be doing this to me
u noe how much u mean to me.
i like miss ur lameness.
well call me jealous. but u really shldnt do that, u've like lost ur sense of identity?
i hope not, and again i pray for u hopefully u might come to your senses and realize that we were always here for u.

i will not make any more moves as i've tried my hardest already.
i'll just seat back and see how long it takes u to realize that we were always here.

another issue:
i dunno what is exactly going on but i hope u guys and mature from this issue. i'm not siding anyone.
although i noe i'm a bit biased coze one of them is a close friend.
i know u guys have faults.
everyone has
just forgive each other please.
its a bit childish.
one has and the other?
i really pray that it wont affect all ur studies.

come on, i dun really know u guys that well but i have u guys and pull through, lets all be neutral peace makers of the world.
i hope.

i really wish that all the mistakes made and wrong steps taken could be reversed. but whats done is done, u cant change the past, but u can help make a better future?

do it for urself. if u really cant forgive den prove them u can do without.
revenge is not sweet at the aftermath.
^^
i pray for u guys both a lot.
everynight.
hopefully it'll help maybe not a lot but a minute scale?

antoher issue:
we all have to mature, and grow up. its about time u did too.
we'll all be leaving next year but i hope u can cont what u started.
it is a commitment, not just a group.

it is a "family" not just friends.

they mihgt have all given up on ubut i rreally dun wanna.
but if u refuse to change i dunno what i can do.
all those things i've put ion for u.
please dun make me feel like i've wasted all that time and all.

i have faith, u shoudl too.

continue to pray and i will too.
2 prayers and make a huge difference.
i know she is too.

in the bible they said that 3 ppl can make a worship already,
amth liddat. its just the 3 of us now, so lets make the full use of this strong prayer together?

i have faith u can do it. ^^

pray.