CHRIST THE LORD;;my saviour

Sunday, July 30, 2006

why does it seems she alwayz scolds me and me onli?

NOTE! i'm leaving the name anonymous.. i'm juz stating her as SHE.. so dun ask me hu.. DON'T!
why does it seems she alwayz scolds me and me onli? i dont understand.. i feel so crumbled up.. so depressed.. well..i dunno.. i noe if lionel sees tis he'll be lyk i tell u b4 and blah.. but i try to recall everything he said.. maybe it was true when he 1st told me.. but den when i see wad she does to me.. i feel lyk a an idiot again.. i feel lyk i'm a slave and not a kid anymore.. i feel as if she has TOTAL AUTHORITY to capture me and torture me SLOWLY and to her own pleasure.. she alwayz does dat.. now i feel dat everytime i wakeup the 1st ting dat happens to me is to get scolding frm her.. i cant control anything in my life ANYMORE! everything i doi.. i have to make sure it doesnt get in her way.. make sure it doesnt dissapoint her.. everytime i'm out wth her.. the expression on her face is ''why am i wth her?'' or '' she's such a disgrace to me..'' or she'll be giving me tis face as if i'm not even existing or related to her.. she treats me so much differently frm the others.. give them wad they want.. but accuses me ALL the time.. every tiny thing i do dat is wrong.. i expect a scolding frm her.. but all those other tiny tings they do wrong.. she lauffs.. i dun quite understand it 1 bit! why must she treat me differntly frm the others? and i slept late coze i was studying.. so dat when i got the test results back.. she wld be pleased.. unfortunately.. 4 my sad situation.. she scolds me 4 staying up so late.. datz why i was tired ands sleepy! and she hadnt scold any1 in the friggin day already! i was the 1st! duncha find dat ironic? dat juz an hour or two ago.. i was massaging her.. wad the hell.. i juz wish she cld gimme one of the smiles she gives THEM.. the type of smile i dun receive as much as the OTHERS.. the smile dat tells me.. ''i noe u care for me.. so i ccare 4 u too.. plz understand tis.. datz why i trewat u the way i treat u..'' instead of the ''i'm juz smiling 4 the sake of u!'' kinda smile.. i've been praying for it.. but its not been getting better.. i dun understand why.. WHY? i dun understand.. i dun wanna tink abt anymore.. or else i'll start leaking again.. leak till the end of the centuary.. and it'll onli happen why? coze she'll treeat me the way she treats me till the end of the centuary! i dare not tell her.. coze i'll juz end up crying again.. and she'll juz end up scolding me.. and she'll end up um-trusting me even more.. i juz dunno wad to do.. i dun want to do anything.. i juz wish.. i wish i cld smile wth the type of smile when i had younger.. when i cld feel the whole world being happy abt my prescence and her smile dat will alwayz gimme courage to stand up 4 my rites.. i juz wish.. i juz pray 4 it.. i juz..

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

hey ppl... the performance was juz on sunday.. haha.. it was so damn cool... it wasnt scary at all.. i loved it!haha.. if i cld do it again.. i wld.. we took LOTS AND LOTS OF PHOTOS! i'll try to post them when i get them frm wei ling.. it wasnt scary! SERIOUSLY! it wasnt! it was juz cool! i loved it.. haha.. well.. i took 3 pics in charis's hp.. 1 wth her.. another 1 wth regina in d&t and 1 wth me and charis's art work of the s'pore poly guy on the front cover.. dat 1 is the ugliest photo.. but it's furnnie dats why... i shall post them now! =))

my sis got hyesung's cd frm her fren! i'm so happy! i'm gonna burn it..den i'll put it in my mp3! haha! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. haha.. i've got more photos! dat time term 2 making the d&t product... i took..

i was trying to take juntain and nicholas together.. but *ahem* *ahem* pushed me!

i wanted to take charis wth wenliang and nicholas.. haha!

WEN LIANG!

coze i was so freekishly bored.. den wen liang didnt wanna take photo.. so i secretly took it!! MUAHAHAHA!! i'm damn good la! haha.. i actually got 1 of charis 1.. but she didnt want it.. and she looked lyk crap in it... and i shall put my dog's photos too! since i'm soo terribly bored.. my pretty pretty dog! pretty pretty!!! haha!! man.. the stupid blog canot upload my dogs photo.. oh wellz.. maybe next time! and note! is cursing a crime? tell me hu doesnt besides charis!

Friday, July 21, 2006

haix.. i dun really understand.. my life is rly rly weird! i cant comprehend anything in my life.. its too complicated! my bro lost his phone TWICE! TWICE I TELL YA! TWICE! and mine got stolen! fine.. actually i lost it too.. my sis lost hers once.. my bro lost ihis TWICE.. i repeat myself.. TWICE! and wad does HE get? a nokia 6020.. fine its not hte best phone in the world.. but he's is NEW! BRAND NEW! mine was second hand.. it was frm my uncle! ugh! WHY?!? i dun understand! all my clothes in MY wardrobe is passed down.. well not ALL but most of them... everytime i say i wanna shop, or go out, or buy stuff.. my uncle, my parents and my grandparents squabble SO MUCH! den when the others want to buy stuff.. they give them money.... SHEESH! so irritating... i'm so tired now.. i dun wanna tink abt it ANYMORE.. i juz dun wanna face reality tis time.. i feel dat i shldnt tink abt it anymore.. hiax.. if u guyz suggest talking to them.. believe me! i tried b4! b4 i cld even finish my sentence i was chopped off! immediatly! scolded till i didnt wanna listen didnt wanna tink abt it ANYMORE!! i juz wanna treat as if everythng IS normal.. lyk i wished.. and maybe.. maybe in some alternate universe i wont be the middle child.. HAIX! and its onli 2 more dayz to my performance in esplanade! jia you jia you...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

to miss/mr anonymous:

what the hell is wth the hui lun i didnt noe u were such a stuck up thing? i mena hello? wad is ur problem? in wad manner wad way wad DID I DO to make u feel as if i'm a stuck up? huh? WAD DID I DO TO MAKE U FEEL OR THINK I'M A BLOODY STUCK UP?? explain to me wad i did.. wad i said to make u feel to unhappy so irritated! if ur a man den u hv no guts to tell me hu u r! if u're a gal den u must be some idiot that thinking dat if onli u tell everybody on my blog dat i suck den u'll be happy.. hu the hell r u? hu do u think u are? wad do u think u can do if even if u piss me off? wad can u achieve in pissing me off huh? wad? tell me.. i dun understand why ppl lyk u hafta go through such extend to piss me off.. lyk get the hell outta my life! wad did i do huh? wad? did i offend u in any way? how do u noe dat i'm stucking up anyway? onli ppl dat keeps their butt in their faces will think dat others are stucking up coze they themselves are stucking up so they noe how others stuck up.. dats why they can tell dat others are stucking up! wadz ur prob anyway! asshole...

now.. i can continue.. well today besides discovering mr/miss asshole's post.. i'm sorri coze i've not been able to blog.. busy after uncle harry's funeral.. didnt feel lyk blogging anyway... den had choir non-stop.. haix.. damn tired.. but it'll all be gone after tis sun nite! yea! cant wait.. and my life is at a crashing-mode.. haha.. nah.. but it sounds nice doesnt it.. well.. its juz dat my bro is beina idiot again and everything.. dun bother to type out wad he did again.. i'm juz so pissed wth him! eurgh.. to think dat i SHARE a room wth him summore.. oh gosh.. oh gosh...