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God's Girl
Huilun
13.10.1992
Singapore Life Church
GMS(P),GMS(S),CJC, NTU





Provided by International Bible Society


Sunday, July 30, 2006
why does it seems she alwayz scolds me and me onli?

NOTE! i'm leaving the name anonymous.. i'm juz stating her as SHE.. so dun ask me hu.. DON'T!
why does it seems she alwayz scolds me and me onli? i dont understand.. i feel so crumbled up.. so depressed.. well..i dunno.. i noe if lionel sees tis he'll be lyk i tell u b4 and blah.. but i try to recall everything he said.. maybe it was true when he 1st told me.. but den when i see wad she does to me.. i feel lyk a an idiot again.. i feel lyk i'm a slave and not a kid anymore.. i feel as if she has TOTAL AUTHORITY to capture me and torture me SLOWLY and to her own pleasure.. she alwayz does dat.. now i feel dat everytime i wakeup the 1st ting dat happens to me is to get scolding frm her.. i cant control anything in my life ANYMORE! everything i doi.. i have to make sure it doesnt get in her way.. make sure it doesnt dissapoint her.. everytime i'm out wth her.. the expression on her face is ''why am i wth her?'' or '' she's such a disgrace to me..'' or she'll be giving me tis face as if i'm not even existing or related to her.. she treats me so much differently frm the others.. give them wad they want.. but accuses me ALL the time.. every tiny thing i do dat is wrong.. i expect a scolding frm her.. but all those other tiny tings they do wrong.. she lauffs.. i dun quite understand it 1 bit! why must she treat me differntly frm the others? and i slept late coze i was studying.. so dat when i got the test results back.. she wld be pleased.. unfortunately.. 4 my sad situation.. she scolds me 4 staying up so late.. datz why i was tired ands sleepy! and she hadnt scold any1 in the friggin day already! i was the 1st! duncha find dat ironic? dat juz an hour or two ago.. i was massaging her.. wad the hell.. i juz wish she cld gimme one of the smiles she gives THEM.. the type of smile i dun receive as much as the OTHERS.. the smile dat tells me.. ''i noe u care for me.. so i ccare 4 u too.. plz understand tis.. datz why i trewat u the way i treat u..'' instead of the ''i'm juz smiling 4 the sake of u!'' kinda smile.. i've been praying for it.. but its not been getting better.. i dun understand why.. WHY? i dun understand.. i dun wanna tink abt anymore.. or else i'll start leaking again.. leak till the end of the centuary.. and it'll onli happen why? coze she'll treeat me the way she treats me till the end of the centuary! i dare not tell her.. coze i'll juz end up crying again.. and she'll juz end up scolding me.. and she'll end up um-trusting me even more.. i juz dunno wad to do.. i dun want to do anything.. i juz wish.. i wish i cld smile wth the type of smile when i had younger.. when i cld feel the whole world being happy abt my prescence and her smile dat will alwayz gimme courage to stand up 4 my rites.. i juz wish.. i juz pray 4 it.. i juz..