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God's Girl
Huilun
13.10.1992
Singapore Life Church
GMS(P),GMS(S),CJC, NTU





Provided by International Bible Society


Thursday, September 06, 2007

sometimes i dunno whether i did the right thing.
going for this instead of that when things clashes.
then i'll think its over after the whole thing is done with.

now i'm starting to think that it wasnt EXACTLY over.
it wasnt EXACTLY done with.
it didnt EXACTLY end.

its like déjà vu.
over and over again.
reenacting all by itself.
the things i wished to be left unsaid.
the things that i wished to be lying low in the bushes not reenacting in any way.
not rising to the occasion to ruin this moment.

no matter how hard i try to evade it, it seems to be everywhere.
so hard to walk without bumping into it,
so hard to breathe without breathing it in.
cant digest the fact for my folly.

it seems to be that its climbing on top of me.
i just wish there was school again.
i could take my mind of it.

i cant believe the troubles i've caused.
all the things that made me frustrated was just started by me.
everything.
all the freaking responsibilities, freaking races in life. all of it.
shitty-faced all by me.

why must i be seen to people as a carefree retarded freak?
so many people i noe seem to think that i'm as free as a bird.
i cant believe i've done this again.
giving people the wrong impressions?
is it me?
free?

this must be it.
me.
gah.
trouble. problems.
deadlines to meet.
chapters to finish.
why cant it just end?

my folly. my fault.
jeezes.
life as it is.
not.

wrong choices i've made.
great. back to the drawing board.
sorry, my fault.

is it a crime to be able to try to live care-free?
shit. i've done it again.
i need time.

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