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God's Girl
Huilun
13.10.1992
Singapore Life Church
GMS(P),GMS(S),CJC, NTU





Provided by International Bible Society


Thursday, June 26, 2008

grahh. today had chinese O level oral. i like totally screwed it.
like i was trying to keep it in and all den half way during tuition i couldnt solve this qn, and all, den i started to get pretty angry.
den i just suddenly lost it.

sometimes, its like i keep it in but i dunno that i do.
its like a subconscious thing.
its like. i dunno how to explain.

grahh.
joshua says cause i'm tired.
well thats probably what he'll say.

i dunno lar.
its like my parents keep thinking i'll score terrifically well,
my siblings keep saying i'm so darn smart.
and just cause i'm hardworking doesnt mean i score well.
see this pattern? i work darn hard and i dun do well.
its come kinda jinx lar.

no. i correct myself.
its a continuous variation. (from bio. i'm not even sure if i'm correct.)

i mean seriously.
stress thats people say.
i think its partly that. and also smth else lar.
its like i dunno how to say lar. GRAHHHH.

when i reached home, i went to greet my parents.
den as i sat on my dad's bed playing with the dog, it suddenly struck me that i have so little faith in myself in scoring well for Os.
i really think i won't be able to do it.
and apparently, my mum's words are like haunting me.
she said once that i'll never pass O levels and go IT.
i think that must have been the drive to cause me to work so hard?
or it might be cause i wanna prove her wrong
or maybe i just turned out to be able to work hard?
i dunno
i just dun wanna think abt it right now.

bed, here i come.