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God's Girl
Huilun
13.10.1992
Singapore Life Church
GMS(P),GMS(S),CJC, NTU





Provided by International Bible Society


Sunday, May 10, 2009

CHOIR GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS FOR SYF. i a, so grateful to GOD. seriously :)
I LOVE MR TOH& TEACHERS. they really gave a lot for us.

but that aside, i cant blog happy stuff when i am not really happy now. soo...


i really wish i could just say to myself this is just in God's plan and i need not worry about this matter, but this is not getting anywhere better, i feel like i've been left stranded on an island, and you've moved on, but on the opposite direction, a different direction from me. and everytime i try to jump onto your island i am pushed back into the sea. i feel like i keep getting thrown off board, making me have to struggle, swimming back to the safe haven of my own, but you havent seen my side of the island, u do not know that recently my island is filled with monsters and everything and i battle them out everyday, trying not to worry about you. but sometimes i wonder if i was too late in noticing this was coming i felt it was, but i ignored it. i should have trusted my intuition. i should not have done anything to bridge our islands at the 1st place, i should not even have approached you through that bridge. i should not have let my defences down. i should not have done any of this. this is just causing worry for me, making me feel insecure, a failure as what i am supposed to be to you. and i thorn in your life. if u seriously don't wanna talk to me, just say. if u seriously hate me but don't wanna admit it to me, just do. cause i rather i know why our bridge is burnt and why i keep drowning everytime i attempt to hop onto your island. i wanna know at least why so i can at least think about what happened. and try to mend it. you are not telling me anything, and it brings me to tears. tesday was good, i cried everything out. i never cry in public easily. but i cried cause of my test and you. and then i cried even harder when i realised there was so many monsters i still have to get rid of. i am weak. i am nothing without God. i thank him a million times that at least i still have him, minwei and some school friends. so many things around me seems to be collapsing to not go in the right direction. i feel as if i'm being consumed in a fire, so hot, so strong, but yet it burns only my skin and flesh, slowly, and painfully. i wish this pain would just go away. God give me the strength to pull through i know i can only find the strength from you. the more i know the more i know it'll pain me. but i rather feel awlful now den later. at least i can do smth. i want to do smth. please let me. tell me your wearies and your woes. tell me what's disturbing you. tell me why u give me that heart-stabbing expression. tell me why. don't runaway from this problem, don't let what u fear win, oversome it, and u will be victorious over it. and u will know u can face even more next time. i know u have the capacity to. tell me, please talk to me. normally.