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God's Girl
Huilun
13.10.1992
Singapore Life Church
GMS(P),GMS(S),CJC, NTU





Provided by International Bible Society


Saturday, August 10, 2013
too much to make sense of it all

Today i asked myself this, how does anyone recover from this?
too much to make sense of it all.
again. this line, just keeps coming to mind.

so to me how does anyone recover? not to think not to try to understand not to look not to search. just trust that this is God's direction in my life at this moment. otherwise He wouldnt allow this to have happen. right?

a lot of people have been talking, asking and just trying to be a friend to me.
But probably what i need the most now is to surrender. and to occupy myself with Godly things. Godly people. Godly actions. dont get me wrong. its not that i dont love my non-christian friends. i still do.

but right now i feel like the only people that will really understand my decisions and why i am doing what i'm doing are my christian friends. so far i havent exactly felt less burdened, less sad and less broken than originally. but i can say my heart is filled with joy. my broken heart is filled with joy.

and again, this joy really doesnt come from anyone else but God's love.
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for His friends.

 its like so hard to explain this understanding i have. that because of this verse. and many others but most particularly this verse, there is truly no greater love than Gods'.
so why am i looking around for smth that cannot necessarily fill me better than God's love himself. why am i looking for smth that will not make me satisfied? God's love is everywhere!
His love isnt restricted to one person and a certain time and space i need to spend with that one person. so why am i opening up my heart to someone else other than God?
His love is so great all i can do is rejoice, and spread his love to the people around me.
all i can do is use this moment i have and this trying time i am going through to testify Him.
I love you Lord, i love you so much. i love you My Father, my Rock, my Savior, my Master and my God.
Today during weekly worship i realized why i have not been able to cry. because i have been thinking about the wrong things, thinking about the pain and the loss. whereas today, as they prayed for me, i cried because of God's love. i cried because i was assured of God's love in my life. so i cried cause i was overjoyed.
so my heart now is with God.

i was talking to a friend the other day, and i was explaining to my friend how God's love to me is like an overflowing cup. i dont understand how i comes out of me. but while i was 1520 chairperson i saw how God;s love was utilized in my life. how i loved so so so many kids that were younger than me. every single one of them. and that was how i see God's love. as an overflowing abundant cup of joy.

so you see, even typing this made me so happy. typing how i see God has been in my life in this time makes me so happy. so i am really great. i am joyful. i have God. and He is sufficient for me.

humanely, i have many parts of myself that need time to heal. so i need to focus on God. and with my stupid period late, it is getting increasingly annoying. so God is reminding me alot. today three times, last month many times. with this hymn:



請問你是否困倦煩惱？全無光明黑暗滿伂？



祇一仰望主就得光明，生命更自由豐富！








主已從死亡進入永生，我們當跟隨主走去；







罪的權勢不能再轄制，我們已得勝有餘！








救主的應許永不變更，全心信靠萬事安穩；











快去傳揚祂全備救恩，使凡信的人免沉淪！
















當轉眼仰望耶穌，定睛在祂奇妙慈容，



在救主榮耀恩典大光中，世上事必然顯為虛空。