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God's Girl
Huilun
13.10.1992
Singapore Life Church
GMS(P),GMS(S),CJC, NTU





Provided by International Bible Society


Tuesday, September 10, 2013
awake my soul

was talking to lydia yesterday, i realized that i REALLY only blog when the grief sets in.
WELL. haha. thats quite often. but not everyday actually. cause it may LOOK like that on my blog. but its not really. haha.

i am not happy at all. not a bit.

i am Joyful.
i have always been one and i still am.

i just think there has been a load of sad-posts on my blog. so..
 its just this week, a lot of people have been caring for me. its not a bad thing really, just awake feelings and memories that i have already shoved aside. so the typical conversation would go this way:

 caring person: so how are you?
me: [shock] err, okay la :) i'm fine :)
caring person: [give me a disbelieving look] are you sure?
me: yeah! yeah i'm okay really, coping la! :)
caring person: [dont believe me even more] hmmmmm...
me: hahah! i'm fine la.. really just learning to see everything in God's perspective.

okay over here there will be two types of reaction, depending if the person is a christian.
christian caring person: oh! thats good thats good.. happy for you :)
non-christian caring person: hmmm [the person has made up her/his mind that i am pretending to be okay]

 well usually the memories and feelings come up when i have to convince someone else that i am fine. and when the person doesnt believe me. as you can see from a lot of my posts. i become very skeptical about myself also. so...... wheeeeee.

its like great that i have so many people caring for me. but i guess what upsets me the most is the people i hope to care for me aint caring. or at least scared, or just assume i am not fine and dont do anything. i just think its all very annoying la. sigh.

but like i am very grateful and am very blessed cause there are so many people from CBC (and i alw thought i dont really have a lot of friends in CBC) who actually ask me out and treat me a drink of some cake or smth. just hang out and wanna htht with me :) so touched. God is really so good.

so i am very happy. happy that my soul is taken care of by God.
i feel that a lot of times many people dont understand how or why i am dealing with this. and i tell them. by God's grace, mercy and love. so even more they dont understand.

but the best thing is that i hope through this the people around me can see God's mercy and love radiating out of me!:D
i hope at least.

so well, this post is really about putting a mark in my blog that i am really okay. i'm not happy actually. not at all. i'm joyful.


Awake, awake, awake my soul,
God resurrect these bones
From death to life, for you alone
Awake my soul