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God's Girl
Huilun
13.10.1992
Singapore Life Church
GMS(P),GMS(S),CJC, NTU





Provided by International Bible Society


Wednesday, November 25, 2009
time flies

it feels as if promo's have yet to start and we are all in that lt tgt getting ready for our first official combined practice with SJI. by tml, it'll be our last- at VCH instead. SO FAST. DIDNT KNOW I'LL MISS THEM SO MUCH JUST THINKING ABT IT.

it was fun while it lasted. they saw our crazy side, we saw theirs. haha.
a few scandals here and there(h____&b______) hahaha.
and tgt we got a terrible scolding and tgt we got praised and tgt we lunched and practiced.
WE'VE GOT MENTALTENACITY!

aww, it was fun. tml night we must really camwhore.
not to forget, my super tired legs. standing for so many days for so many hours! you haveno idea how great i felt everytime i sit down. whether it is the floor or the sofa. as long as i didnt have to use my legs, i was very very happy.

i havent got any pre-concert nerves apparently, just hope it'll last longer. :)

anyway, today went to the yellow pages building to buy some books from campus crusade sale :)
got a new devo book for next year and den went to papa's company to trial this new game
hahaha, it was actually quite fun :)

den got home, was abt to nap. but kept constantly thinking abt smth :)
so got off my ass and went to fb and blog! :) okay, i havent done this type of blogging in awhile. i'm always blogging abt angry or sad stuff. hahaha :P

ANYWAY. I NEED TODIET. LIKE REALLY! :(
I AM FATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFAT. :(

anyway, aside from that, today i feel as if my spiritual life is somehow backsliding again!
so sad. i need to do qt more often and stop it from going downdowndown! :(

i realised the more tired and busy i am the more it backslides cause i use my physical tiredness as an excuse. i must not do that! :(

just like a star:) i've been listening to it again!

"Like A Star"


Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh...
Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands

time flies& i've never stopped thinking abt you :)

Friday, November 20, 2009
Do you?


fond memories after i saw this while looking through my photos in fb. i told shiying to take a photo of it cause i loved what was on it.
taken from genting campsite in june when we went there for life impact.
indeed, living a life that can show you are a christian is impt! i hope through my living habits, my seriousness, my attitude towards evverything i do and say can show others how wonderful God is. :)
memories. arh.. sweet memories. i remember sitting under the stars with weijing, wishing this was reality and not just some camp. wishing that everything in life wasnt that complicated. oh wells. smilw i can. but not sincere enough i guess and only you are able to tell.

Thursday, November 19, 2009
beneath that facade

"Life's a box of chocolates, Forrest. You never know what you're gonna get."
watched forrest gump the other day! fell in love with it all over again! :)

esp the part when forrest sat in front of the tv with his son after meeting him for the first time. den they both cocked their heads to the side, at the same angel and direction! so touching. haha.

oh wells, things has been really. WOW. God just never seems to be resting in teaching me things. i just lost a friend, weiloon. i'm so upset. but glad that the end of his pain and suffering on Earth is gone! he battled leukemia for a year now and H1N1 must have taken a toil on him. :(

gonna miss him. but glad to know he is a christian! :) God bless his family that they may also come to know Christ (cause i dunno if they are christians too). weiloon always looked so happy, you'll never expect him to be feeling so much pain, when i think he is. teared at the funeral. :(

guess, you'll never know whats really behind that facade of his.

anyways! i want to blog abt two songs today!

firstly, its that "miss halfway" mood again. i dun exactly know what mood that is, but i always feel this song fits me best at this mood. haha. oh wells. i wanted to blog last night. but i couldnt.

somehow i think things arent really going well.

liyin told me: LUNLUN, you must believe in yourself!

today, a few people such as bridget, lionel, cat and clara all told me i looked tired today. i mean no reason not to. with fundraising around the corner, concert coming, and not to forget that thing i rather think about.

bridget even said i looked like i just cried finish! lol. i never had that look before. haha. i thought i looked very normal today actually. just tired.

i wish i had more confidence in myself and higher self-esteem like bridget. i never liked the way i am or behaved. but i cant control it.

i guess i'm in th mood for miss halfway casue its that time of the year when i feel like something is pulling me back. like someone is saying: "HEY! huilun is gonna be happy, quick! lets stop her!"

okay, call me crazy or someone who has watched a little too much drama. but it really feels that way, I'M NOT KIDDING.

the other song that's been on my mind, is stolen! :)

i really love this song. cause the guys voice is SO NICE :) MELT MELT :)



Miss Halfway
You oughta hear the mirror in my house
You oughta fear her pretty, pretty mouth
Says I’m imperfect in every way:
“Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”

All my friends in L.A. got jobs on Melrose Place
I play Replacements songs and sigh-- a Waitress In The Sky
You oughta hear the things I’ve been thinking
You oughta swim in a heart that is sinking
You try to break me with all the things you say:
“Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”
Tony makes 60 K, invests in IRA’s,
But I’m busy making paper airplanes out of resumes

But I’m gonna burn, I’m gonna shine and multiply
I’m gonna fill up the great divide
You’ll never break me with all the things you say
“Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”
I’m gonna burn a pie now and then
And I’m gonna say the wrong things to your friends
I’m gonna burn and shine and multiply
And when I do, you’re gonna see me in her eyes…

I’m gonna burn and shine and multiply
I’m gonna fill up the great divide
You’ll never break me with all the things you say
Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway
Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway
Miss Halfway, Miss Halfway, Miss Halfway …





Stolen - Dashboard Confessional
We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well

You have stolen
You have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

maybe i should have just said no, then we both wont be in this dilemma. yes, break it into two. but now it'll break into a million pieces. ain't that worst? its all my fault. never knew i would actually tear abt it. but i did! i kinda felt sad abt the whole issue. or rather guilty. cause i know its kinda because of me? nah, it is because of me. that things are so confusing.

:(

&yes liyin, i totally have no faith in myself. no faith that i'll be able to keep this for long. no faith that it'll last. but faith that the world will move on without me. i'm a drag ain't i.

well, i've decided if the world wants to move without me, i'll just live and accept it. sure it'll be lke totally grahh. but at least i'm being realistic am i?

i also realized they are quite hard to fall these days, but they still fell.


Sunday, November 15, 2009
that flutter feeling :)

CHURCH, SCHOOL, FAMILY.
simin told me to write down my commitments.
well, i have fund-raising, church camp, camp praise team(i havent started yet), school choir, church choir, housework (which i havent got time to do much recently :( ), sec4 classmates, J1 classmates, church mates.

well, its kinda scary now that i list only the surface of my commitments and not delve into the details in every single one of them.

simin was right, no time for any more commitments. anyway, it would make my mum upset. so i better don't rush into anything or stop saying "YES" or "OKAY" to everyone. hahaha.

bad habit? i have to learn to say "no" i guess.
hard, but i'll try my best! (doubt i'll succeed)

ANYWAY, choir concerts, all last minute den say. how to order tickets, just dun order la. =.=

-handinhand&that flutter feeling
never exactly experienced it, but now i have :)
its really not as you would expect it to be. its way better :)

Thursday, November 12, 2009
the perfect gift

James 1:17
17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.


a verse uncle Chris shared during ytd's girl's group.
a really enriching and God blessed man. i really think he is a wonderful servant of God.

the only perfect gift is Jesus, the others are simply imperfect. so they are good.
so why are u people trying to create a "perfect gift" for me.
i know we shouldn't look for a "less than perfect gift" in this context.
but no one is perfectin this world except Jesus.
i know u people mean well, and no matter how much i love you guys, yur opinions still matter to me.

i'm not that silly to jump nto anything, thats why i saidd what i said towards the current situation.
okay, i'm also at fault in some ways. not some, maybe a lot.
but if you cant stop it den how?

to me, that was such a great gift, unexpected and totally nice.
this gift from God can at least do a few things you guys can't.

wanna know what is it?
1. put a smile on my face even when i'm upset
2. see through me.

i bet you guys can only manage to see partially through me.
maybe you can see totally througgh me. but i don't think u can put a smile on my face no matter what.

i'm not tired from allthe talk.
i'm just upset and disappointed.
tired will only come later.
nothing has begun and you guys are already tormenting me.
giving me so many second thoughts.
this sucks.

Monday, November 09, 2009
this world is a scary place

iffys and maybes- and insecurities.
these things make me confuse. but also acts as my safety net i guess. make me be more cautious.
but then, thinking too much also has its disadvantages. like duh.

"talk on the phone also shout, come home u still shout"
"i where got shout? i'm not shouting"

i dun want to end up like that. i guess this makes me so scared and all. scared i'll end up with the wrong person. like they all said. scared i'll end up like that. i want a happy one, one that will last REAAAL long. till we're old and grey.

but i'm scared.
scared this might happen, what if that happens? what if this happens. i donn't know how i'l react. i don't even know my own reaction, and being the emotional me, won't be able to think straight. i'll only be able to do that if it happens before and i calm myself down. but i dunno if i'll get a second try.

and this fear, its eating me.
like i dunno. in a new place, new ppl- like how...
so what if...

all the ifs.
but i guess i will only know if i try. but i think the timespan spent tgt is so short.
everything is so fast.

i'm such a horrible person when it comes to this.

that aside, sunday i learnt so much,
i guess God was really telling me so much in one day.
hard lesson learnt.
thats what u get from praying: "dear lord, teach me a lesson if i go astray from what u want me to do!"
but it was a good lesson to learn from.

next, i think its good being sensitive to my surroundings?
but sometimes its kinda grahhh being so sensitive.
i can take in a criticism just make sure i'm not in that bad a mood.
i always try my best to be in a good mood to get myself ready to face criticism.
but like when i'm down down in the dunps, the criticism will hit me like a car on a highway.

and finally. new song from a horrible movie. its really nice.



Through The Trees - Low Shoulder
All alone in an empty room
nothing left but the memories of when I had my best frIend
I don't know how we ended up here
I don't know but it's never been so clear
We made a mistake, dear.
And I see the broken glass in front of me
I see your shadow hangIng over me
and your face, I can see...

Through the trees
I wIll find you;
I wIll heal the ruins left inside you
cuz I'm stIll here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathIng now...
untIl I'm set free.
Go quiet through the trees

I remember how we used to talk
about the places we would go when we were off
and all that we were gonna find.
And I remember our seeds grow
and how you cried when you saw
the first leaves show.
The love was pouring from your eyes.

So can you see
the branches hanging over me?
Can you see
the love you left inside of me?
in my face
can you see?

Through the trees
I will find you;
I will heal the ruins left inside you.
Cuz I'm still here breathing now
I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
until I'm set free.
Go quiet through the trees.

Cuz you're not coming back
And you're not coming back
No-oo.. No-oo.. No
You're not coming back...
You're not coming back...

Take my breath as your own
Take my eyes to guide you home

Cuz I'm still here breathing now...
I'ms till here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
And I'm still here...

Cuz I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
And I'm still here..

Cuz I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
I'm still here breathing now...
And I'm still here..

But you're not coming back.
And you're not coming back.
Cuz you're not coming back
until I'm set free
Go quiet through the trees.

;;never expected anyone to see that side of me and you did & i'm glad you did.

Sunday, November 08, 2009
mind-reader

am i annoying to you?

i wish i could read minds. it might be painful. but i wish i could read some people's minds. den i'll know if i did smth to offend the other person, or i would know what exactly is the other person looking for. words are so hard to string together, cause with different words, there can be different meanings and some people depict it all in a weird way.

but maybe i can be annoying too. maybe i can be like some bee buzzing at you, just that u cant bear to tell me also. maybe i behave that way cause sometimes i need attention from others so that i won't think of all the terrible things in my life currently.

OHWELLS. wishful thinking. dun think any of that would happen.

anyways, chinese was bad to me, now OP and I&R, which totally sucks both due wed. den i need to rush and find days where my praiseteam ppl can meet tgt and prac for 1hr prase and worship which will be held on 6th dec instead. need to come up with 2 practices! den still need to org extra sectionals before choir starts. den need to get fund-raising stuff going. its happening in 2 more weeks. den need to check with hong lao shi some stuff she might want me to perf for. GRAHHGRAHHGRAHH.

should i learn to say no sometimes?