CHRIST THE LORD;;my saviour

Friday, May 31, 2013

It's time.

I think it has reached a milestone in our relationship, this relationship in which God so graciously gave to us. He made us anew tgt and gave us smth so special whenever I try to explain to others the dynamics of our relationship no one fully understands. Haha.

No wonder when we strayed from God we strayed from each other.. I realized I have been using a love I know from God, a love that not many people fathom and a love that only my fellow Christians understand to love you. I never knew how different it is from man-made love until now. Cause I now know that God is in control and God will continue to bless us if he allows and if he wills it.

So it's time we return to him. Surrender everything to him. All the stupid and silly things, all the hurtful and painful. We just offer back to him and allow him to change us. And like how we cant fix anything with our might like how we are trying so hard to do now. really, by our own might we cant fix it. look what happened to us. haha. quite a laugh. only God can fix us. only God can heal us and only God can give us the peace we need.

I must admit. I totally forgot how much I loved God and how much He loved me and how much we loved each other through God's love for a while. Now i remember. i remember everything:)
All this paper chase.. It really it distracts you. No matter how strong I was in Christ!:( sorry God. Thank you for forgiving me.

And today was amazing. God was amazing once again. And He spoke to me through Wayne today. Haha. It was really amazing how he chanced upon me in holland V. Out of all the places he bumped into me in the ulu corner of ya Kun hidden in a building in holland V. I thank God for that:) I thank God for him.

Wayne reminded me abt lifting everything to God and surrendering everything to him. I guess in a way God has been prepping me. Somehow Peiling gave me the album for 相信有爱，就有奇迹 last night when she said she would pass it to me on Sunday:) and somehow this morning I got really addicted to this song 主你是我盼望。I mean the lyrics touched my heart but I didn't know why until now. Sigh.

Reminding me to keep hope and faith in God. And somehow I don't believe it will end. Maybe I need to pray about it more. But right now. I somehow feel you will come back to me. Cause God placed us together not for fun but to grow and to love. Somehow I feel God will guide us back together:) remembering how we were so good together while we grew spiritually really made me fall in love with you all over again. I know it's there somewhere.

I don't know if you would see this and idk if you feel the same. But I know that God loves me. And I know God loves you. I know you are in quite a private party now. So maybe this space is more for us to think about God's role in all this. And why it happened to us:) I think this break was about discovering our individual relationships with God and how much we have been lagging behind. And discovering Him in our relationship when we are together. Somehow we allowed the evil to break us apart!>:( haha. But we can always return to God:) I also realized that we haven't been praying together. Neither have we been growing spiritually together. So maybe it's about time we do it.

But I know you still need your time. So in God's timing. I pray for myself, and I pray for you. I pray for us. That God can reveal the road and the path for you to choose in your own timing. And somehow as I type that, there is no shame, there is no pain in my heart. But only peace. Peace that God will guide us, God will guide you and God will guide me.

it's about time, He is calling us to come back to Him. And worship Him together with our relationship. Start a-new, start a-fresh and start with God:)

Take all the time you need. I mean it.
For all my mistakes for all my terrible terrible actions. I pray that you can find it in your heart to love again me like God loves us. And remember to return to Him cause we both need to do it again.

So, Take all the time you need. Cause only in God's timing will we meet again. I love you.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Mirror

Matthew 7:1-5

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

I'm sorry for everything.
I'm sorry.
Pls talk to me.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Another day, another wait.

So it's been 4days. And I think I'm coping quite well for a train wreck. Haha.

I'm quite proud of myself for being able to laugh and joke:)

Self-explanatory. The lyrics in the song directly covered everything I wanted to say. So well. Come back to me soon:) take all the time you need.

I will be right here waiting for you.

Monday, May 27, 2013

God will lead

Nehemiah 9:19 Yet in Your manifold merciesYou did not forsake them in the wilderness.The pillar of the cloud did not depart from them by day,To lead them on the road;Nor the pillar of fire by night,To show them light,And the way they should go.

God will not forsake me nor will He forsake you. He will lead you and lead me on our road and show us the light in the darkness:) I believe God will help
Us. Uphold us. Fix us:)

Crazy imagination

I have a crazy imagination. But right now my imagination is going everywhere. I have never felt this way before. Too many thoughts in my head. I have never come to this place before. It's so dark I don't know where to look, what to look for. Only remembering that when I look up, God can comfort me. I KNOW who to look for but is he looking for me too?

What have I done again to deserve this? Everything I guess. Again. It strikes the most. Similar wounds from before I even knew you. Looking to the sea can't calm me anymore. It just brings me more pain and heartache. Lying on bed never seemed so difficult. Time has never felt so slow. My messages have never made me regret any more.

Was it too hard a push? Was it too much? Did I overstep any boundaries? I knew they were there but I didn't know I was still counted an outsider.. Was i? Can you let me in? Why didn't I stop pushing you. Why did I do what I did. What are you thinking why can't I sleep. Why did I let it affect me? What do you want me to learn?

What have I done wrong? Everything I guess?
Why must it hurt so bad? How long will this last?

I don't want it to end......do you?

I panicked. Envisioning our future with so time and little communication. I just wanted to communicate. I was just trying to find ways to communicate. I didn't want to push you away. The time you need. I just wanted to talk. Did wanting to talk tear us apart?

All those other talks. All ended nice. Sweetly. Gracefully. Why is this so different? Perhaps cause of the different circumstances? Different environment? I have never doubting us before. NEVER. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER. And I don't want to go there. I don't want to imagine. But I did. That dark corner consumed me and made my stomach churn. No I will not allow it. I must get out. You would want me to get out. I will climb out crying if I have to. With God. With God I can. God will comfort me. God will comfort you. God will bring us back to daylight. I have never taken so long to sleep.

And I have never imagined a change in feelings could happen so quickly. I KNOW WE WILL BE OKAY. But it's just me. You talk abt decisions. Omg, that word. It scares me. Scares me cause that word means there is another. Another what? Another problem? Another alternative? Another life? Another kind of friendship? Omg. Please please please no. No no. I guess I never really deserved much happiness. But I have never been so happy before. Our run was better than perfect. It was God-given, God-blessed. And I pray. I pray. I pray. I prayed so hard but to come Back to see you change smth else. Meaning you need more time. Meaning this pain will continue. Meaning I HAVE to pray harder and hope more. But does this also mean there is an ending? NONONONONO. No. My pillow will not be soaked, I will be the cheerful Girl you love. Or loveD? :( somehow the more I write the worse I feel.

All I can do now I guess is wait. Wait for God's timing. Wait for God's peace and wait for the tiredness from crying to overcome my mental Activity. So that sleep can come in. I pray that you can find rest easier than me. I pray that we will be strong like all the other challenges we faced together. And that we will face them together yet again. And grow grow grow. As long as we are together. God with us. The three of us.

Sleep has never been so difficult.

I'm sorry please love me please forgive me please be with me. I promise I will walk with you. I promise I will be there. I promise whatever you throw at me I will catch it and walk together with you. YOU KNOW I WILL. I really will. I love you.