CHRIST THE LORD;;my saviour

Friday, August 30, 2013

Another wave

Verse 1:

Lord I come, I confess

Bowing here I find my rest

Without You I fall apart

You're the one that guides my heart

Chorus:

Lord, I need You, oh I need You

Every hour I need You

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You

Verse 2:

Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more

Where grace is found is where You are

And where You are Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Yes where You are Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Bridge:

So teach my song to rise to You

When temptation comes my way

And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You

Jesus You're my hope and stay

And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You

Jesus You're my hope and stay

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

thefulltimegirl.com

"Marriage isn’t a fulfillment relationship; it’s commitment, and commitments take work. I feel like a lot of girls are into this trend without realizing what exactly they’re doing."

"We’ve bought into this idea that difficult things should be easier than they are"

"We think stuff and gestures are the hallmarks of love, and that sets everyone up for disappointment from the beginning."

"The point I’m trying to get at here is maybe we need to take a step back and look at love differently. Look at it in scripture, talk to older married Christians. Seek counsel from those who have lived it and don’t let trash like The Bachelor mold your romantic worldview."

"When you seek your own happiness, when you seek your own pleasure, instead of seeking the kingdom of God, these things are taken away from you instead of being added. God has promised to meet all your needs according to his plan, but only when you put HIM first, not your desire to be married."

"Maybe instead of sitting around asking God and ourselves “WHO” we will marry, we should be asking “WHY” we want to be married in the first place. Is it because we are not content with and in God alone? Is it because everyone else is doing it and we don’t want to feel left out? Is is because we want another person to boost our self esteem every day?

Or is it because we have found and come to know someone who has a purpose in life, and their purpose is something you would like to be a part of? Do you have purpose together as a couple? Do you have a mission for the kingdom with this person? Could you be stronger together for Jesus Christ’s sake than you are apart?"

Monday, August 26, 2013

Tired

Sometimes when I get tired I think of things I know and wish I wasn't thinking about. When I'm tired I know it's time to sleep because God is telling me I need rest.

I am tired. I'm not saying this cause I want my friends to be scared and pity or take care of me. (okay I don't think anyone actually reads my blog cause I don't exactly have a lot of friends). But I am tired because I know that I am so weak without God. I am tired of myself sinning and sinning and sinning. I am tired of myself thinking so hard and hoping so much for something.

Don't get me wrong, it's just after waiyee's birthday party it was fun and happy and all. But I just realized that mine wouldn't exactly be what I had in mind anymore. It's not waiyee's fault. I think it's me. My human nature and innate desire for that one place I wished I was at right now.

I know what I want. I still do.

I am just afraid of myself.

I am weak.

So weak.

I will sin and sin and sin again.

I am not perfect.

But it isn't an excuse to sin and sin and sin again.

Help God. Please help me to detest what you detest and just focus on loving you!!!

Isaiah 40:29-31 He gives strength to the wearyand increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lordwill renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

bouncing back and forth

I guess everything is still very fresh for me. Very raw. Very new. Very unfamiliar.

I wouldn't say I'm not okay. Somehow whenever I feel like I should not be doing that anymore, I find it compulsively hard to do what I would advice myself.

But I have decided against myself for the first couple of times already and I feel like I can continue doing this. The strength again doesn't come from me but from God.

i am so so weak. i just keep bouncing back and forth, keep checking and reflecting and checking and checking if i am truly doing things for Jesus or for .....

seriously what are we doing anything for? for God's glory.

i really really just want to live my life for God and God alone.

Sometimes I think I just need to stay silent and try very hard to stay away from the world as much as possible. I wanna love God so much everything on earth seems like hate cause God's love is greater than ANYTHING.

John 15:13:)

I am thankful everyday. I am thankful that I am so close to Jesus I feel like crying from joy sometimes. Like now. Cause whenever I feel so helpless and bad and upset, he fills my heart so much more and more evidently to me now cause suddenly my eyes are opened.

Really, how can you refuse Him now. Even when I type that I just feel like tearing. How can you refuse Him at all?

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The surprise in me

Today, my devotional was about Jesus and how he was a surprise to the pharisees and teachers of the law in luke 5:17-39. haha. truely, i wanna be a surprise to those around me. a surprise to those that see my actions and don't understand them because they dont know God. i want to be a surprise because the things i do, they know naught. but only can speechlessly accept that my decisions are all based on prayer, praise and the peace only God can provide.

concurrently. the verse i received today:
Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.
1 John 5:12

when i read this verse it just kinda scares me. i begin to ask myself do i have Jesus in my heart? have i let anything else take over? Because if i have, i am in trouble! :(
then the next thing i worry about is do the people i care and love have Jesus in their heart? have THEY let anything else occupy their heart? God has to be our priority. without Him nothing will fall into place.

speaking of falling into place. timing. all in God's timing. everything in God's timing. Brooke Fraser's Love is Waiting really speaks every single word i wanna say:

I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well

And i can't rush the Sun to rise
Or hasten Summer's start

I am someone who really really when i rely on God's timing i wait patiently. whether i know if i am ready, (which when i know i'm not i really am) i just wait on God's timing. i do not question His ways or why some things happen. just wait. for the right time, right space, right moment. God will lead. there is not need to rush. what needs to happen will happen.

but sometimes when things just rushes on its on, i know it is not God's work and it will just drag even more. because man interfered. because we rushed. we are all human,we all think we know whats best. but God knows the PERFECT plan. so i really just want HIS plan. since he allowed some things to happen it has happened. but i will then question, were they from Godly insights, were they from Godly advice, were they from Godly people.

honestly, i learnt one thing for sure is that if i dont surround myself with Godly people, i will be struggling for a long long time to come. cause i never seek God and sllow what needs to happen to happen. but i keep interfering with God's work. no wonder many things dont end fast and dont fall into place.

oh well, i guess its time to sleep. thank you Father for this glorious day :)

new day, new mornings!

i wanna thank God for our weekly NTU worship! happened twice alr:) hopefully God can continue to bless ourthis small little group :)

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, “In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.” Hebrews 10:36-37

Monday, August 19, 2013

Singing praises despite-

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Philippians 1:21

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple…Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord. Psalm 27:4, 6

Today's devotional and verse of the day.

Thank you Father for such a chapter closer.

I love you Lord❤

Sunday, August 18, 2013

A love song to Him❤

开我的眼睛, 让我看见你,

你荣美彰显吸引我心,

开我的耳朵, 让我听见你,

每句话都让我更爱你

活着为要敬拜你,

活着为要全心来爱你,

俯伏在你荣耀中, 你的荣美无人能及,

活着为要敬拜你,

活着为要全心来爱你,

永远住在你殿中,

昔在今在永在的主,

我爱你

喔~我爱你, 喔~全心敬拜你,

日夜不停歌唱,哈利路亚,

我爱你,

喔~我爱你, 喔~全心敬拜你,

日夜不停歌唱, 哈利路亚,

我爱你, 我爱你

Could haves

Past the point of no return, no backward glances
Our games of make-believe are at an end
Past all thought of 'If' or 'When', no use resisting
Abandon thought and let the dream descend

According to phantom of the opera, I think I am AT the point of "if" or "when".

When my life is surrounded w so much joy so much people and so much of God's blessings. It's hard to be sad. There is almost NO time to be sad. Which is pretty cool. But some times I just wonder..

Wonder about everything as if it was all a dream. A crazy nightmare. Like the one I had before. And woke up feeling like I couldn't cry anymore. Cause I was crying in my dream. Woke up feeling like crap and the funny thing was, I woke up crying in reality cause it was so scary even in my dream.

I guess I'm kinda living the nightmare now. Thank God I have God. Otherwise I would be like that hopeless puddle in my dream.

Despite everything, letting Go letting God. Knowing God is in control knowing everything happens in God's best interests. There are just moments I wish I otherwise.

That's just human if me right?

All these could haves. So unhealthy. Like what waiyee said So many times, i am allowed to walk away from anything that does not help me grow or become a better person. So. That's also quite in the grey area. Cause when I was living the dream we did grow didn't we. SO, whatever. This is what I mean by I don't wanna think anymore. Just depressing and unhealthy.

当转眼仰望耶稣。

I need some icecream for my heart and tooth surgery.

Friday, August 16, 2013

I bleed myself dry.

I have been watching friends:)

It brings me great comfort. Haha.

But oh, Ross and Rachel:( I'm at the part where Ross broke up w The other girl to be with Rachel. But Rachel found a list where Ross compared her to thee other girl and Rachel rejected Ross in the end:( guess Ross was not ready. But later on he dedicated a song for her on the radio and it's this really old so g I used to listen to. With or without you.

The lyrics somehow just:/ made me sad.

See the stone set in your eyes

See the thorn twist in your side.
I wait for you.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you.

Through the storm, we reach the shore
You gave it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you.
I can't live with or without you.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

My hands are tied, my body bruised
She´s got me with nothing to win
And nothing left to lose.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you.

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you.

yeah,
we' ll shine like stars in the summer night
we' ll shine like stars in the winter babe
one heart, one hope, one love

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you.

Sometimes I wonder how it would be like if things didn't happen this way.

Cause in the end, the words still speak for me. And..... Just made me think of yellow by cold play again:(

So then I took my time, with all the things you've done. It was all yellow.

Do you know? You know I love you so. You know I love you so, oh.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Secular music

Makes me sad, I don't think I can sing them much anymore. Stupid secular music.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

too much to make sense of it all

Today i asked myself this, how does anyone recover from this?
too much to make sense of it all.
again. this line, just keeps coming to mind.

so to me how does anyone recover? not to think not to try to understand not to look not to search. just trust that this is God's direction in my life at this moment. otherwise He wouldnt allow this to have happen. right?

a lot of people have been talking, asking and just trying to be a friend to me.
But probably what i need the most now is to surrender. and to occupy myself with Godly things. Godly people. Godly actions. dont get me wrong. its not that i dont love my non-christian friends. i still do.

but right now i feel like the only people that will really understand my decisions and why i am doing what i'm doing are my christian friends. so far i havent exactly felt less burdened, less sad and less broken than originally. but i can say my heart is filled with joy. my broken heart is filled with joy.

and again, this joy really doesnt come from anyone else but God's love.
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for His friends.

its like so hard to explain this understanding i have. that because of this verse. and many others but most particularly this verse, there is truly no greater love than Gods'.
so why am i looking around for smth that cannot necessarily fill me better than God's love himself. why am i looking for smth that will not make me satisfied? God's love is everywhere!
His love isnt restricted to one person and a certain time and space i need to spend with that one person. so why am i opening up my heart to someone else other than God?
His love is so great all i can do is rejoice, and spread his love to the people around me.
all i can do is use this moment i have and this trying time i am going through to testify Him.
I love you Lord, i love you so much. i love you My Father, my Rock, my Savior, my Master and my God.
Today during weekly worship i realized why i have not been able to cry. because i have been thinking about the wrong things, thinking about the pain and the loss. whereas today, as they prayed for me, i cried because of God's love. i cried because i was assured of God's love in my life. so i cried cause i was overjoyed.
so my heart now is with God.

i was talking to a friend the other day, and i was explaining to my friend how God's love to me is like an overflowing cup. i dont understand how i comes out of me. but while i was 1520 chairperson i saw how God;s love was utilized in my life. how i loved so so so many kids that were younger than me. every single one of them. and that was how i see God's love. as an overflowing abundant cup of joy.

so you see, even typing this made me so happy. typing how i see God has been in my life in this time makes me so happy. so i am really great. i am joyful. i have God. and He is sufficient for me.

humanely, i have many parts of myself that need time to heal. so i need to focus on God. and with my stupid period late, it is getting increasingly annoying. so God is reminding me alot. today three times, last month many times. with this hymn:



請問你是否困倦煩惱？全無光明黑暗滿伂？

祇一仰望主就得光明，生命更自由豐富！




主已從死亡進入永生，我們當跟隨主走去；



罪的權勢不能再轄制，我們已得勝有餘！




救主的應許永不變更，全心信靠萬事安穩；





快去傳揚祂全備救恩，使凡信的人免沉淪！








當轉眼仰望耶穌，定睛在祂奇妙慈容，

在救主榮耀恩典大光中，世上事必然顯為虛空。

Friday, August 09, 2013

神的应许

I remember this sermon from 苏牧师 and will never forget it.

现代的年轻人，一点点就分手。

分手了就是分手。何必在那边哭哭滴滴的。分手是因为不是神应许给你的吗！你干嘛为了不是你的东西哭。

生命是上帝赐给我们的。为什么分手了就每天把他给浪费掉。应该每天好好地过神所赐的新的一天吗！

不是你的就不是你的。是你的就是你的。现在不是你的如果是神应许的，以后是你的。

So many people and friends around me will never understand why I choose to forgive. Why I choose to be joyful. But honestly, I say it's cause of the strength I receive from God. And there really is nothing else that can make me happier.

I worry sometimes for the people around me who seek comfort with people who don't know God. Because I see and experience this joy from God and it is UNENDING. It just overflows from me. And that's joy from God. And that's why I can stay cheerful and happy. The people around me sure, they give good advice and good thoughts and good insights. But they will never replace the insights from God. They will never replace the thoughts and advice from God-directed people. But no offense this is really what is experience what I observe throughout the course of my life.

Truly, what I know is this: the best advice is Godly advice or advice from people who are close to God or have a certain level of relationship with God. Because God really speaks through them:)

Anw, I know God has a perfect plan for me. I just need to trust in Him and stay joyful as His intricate and PERFECT plan unfolds in my life.

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Dreams

A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep. In dreams you will loose your heartaches, whatever you wish for you keep.

Have faith in your dream and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing

The dream that you wish, will come true.

If that's true, I think I will die in reality cause I really cannot control what to do and what I want to do in my dreams.

Well. It was just a dream. Sucks. Sucky sucky dream. And you know what. It's just reaffirming my weak self-esteem issues. Suuuuuuckkkkkkkksssssss

So this song popped into my head instead. More apt me thinks.

Look at the stars,

Look how they shine for you,

And everything you do,

Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,

I wrote a song for you,

And all the things you do,

And it was called "Yellow".

So then I took my turn,

Oh what the things have done,

And it was all yellow.

Your skin,

Oh yeah your skin and bones,

Turn into

Something beautiful,

You know,

You know I love you so,

You know I love you so.

I swam across,

I jumped across for you,

Oh what a thing to do.

'Cause you were all yellow,

I drew a line,

I drew a line for you,

Oh what a thing to do,

And it was all yellow.

Your skin,

Oh yeah your skin and bones,

Turn into

Something beautiful,

And you know,

For you I'd bleed myself dry,

For you I'd bleed myself dry.

It's true,

Look how they shine for you,

Look how they shine for,

Look how they shine for you,

Look how they shine.

Look at the stars,

Look how they shine for you,

And all the things that you do.

Saturday, August 03, 2013

Things that jump at me

Watched the wedding singer when i was waiting for my hair to dry.

Adam Sandler - I wanna Grow Old With You

I wanna make you smile

Whenever you're sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad

All i wanna do, is grow old with you

I'll get you medicine when your tummy aches

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks

So, it could be so nice growing old with you,....

I'll miss you

Kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink

Oh I could be the man that grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you.

So apt how I started by singing this those years ago.

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS AND IS NOT

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

To understand forgiveness we must realize what forgiveness is NOT:

· Forgiveness is not forgetting. Deep hurts can rarely be wiped out of one’s awareness.

· Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Reconciliation takes two persons, but an injured party can forgive an offender without reconciliation.

· Forgiveness is not condoning. Forgiveness does not necessarily excuse bad or hurtful behavior.

· Forgiveness is not dismissing. It involves taking the offense seriously, not passing it off as inconsequential or insignificant.

· Forgiveness is not a vague notion of ‘tolerance’. This is, at best, a low-grade parody of forgiveness. At worst, it’s a way of sweeping the real issues in life under the carpet.

· Forgiveness is not pardoning. A pardon is a legal transaction that releases an offender from the consequences of an action, such as a penalty.

Throughout the Old Testament we read that only God can forgive sins. We hear David exclaim, “He forgives all my sins…” (Psalm 103:3). We also see examples of human forgiveness—even in pain—like Joseph forgiving his brothers for selling him into slavery. Joseph gains true freedom. He then names his son Manasseh, “one who causes to be forgotten.”

In the New Testament we see Jesus, the Lamb of God, come into to the world to die for our sins. Through His shed blood we can once and for all receive ultimate forgiveness. This is the pure “gospel of grace.” This forgiveness is a gift. We do not deserve it but God, in His grace, reached out to provide forgiveness to a dying world.

Then we read in the verse above the impact of this on those of us who have received that forgiveness. Its ethical challenge parallels “love your enemies” and “pray for your persecutors.”

In the final analysis, forgiveness is an act of faith. By forgiving another, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out. I leave in God’s hands the scales that must balance justice and mercy. I simply forgive others and leave them to God.

RESPONSE: Today I will leave fairness and justice in God’s hands. I will obediently forgive others just as the Lord forgave me.

PRAYER: Lord, grant me the faith to trust You with the offenses committed against me. I will forgive.

Standing Strong Through The Storm (SSTS)
A daily devotional message by SSTS author Paul Estabrooks

Going somewhere

I thought I was going somewhere, maybe a sprint, or at least 1cm from where it ended. Or maybe dipping my toe into the water alr.

Whatever you wanna call it, I thought I was moving down the road alr.

After tonight, I guess I haven't moved much.